[halloweengirl]

I posted this in several other threads, but I saw this one, and thought there might be some kindred spirits here too I'm a "PerkyGoth", so that definitely falls under "Alternachick"

Hi there!

My name is Jen. I'm 26, 5'6+ (almost 5'7!), and have been struggling with my weight for most of the last 16 years of my life. I'm just under 300 lbs (again) (for now, OTR at the moment, ugh), but I need to lose a HUGE amount of weight if I want to live the happy, healthy, and long life that we all desire and deserve.

Where do I start? Well, I wasn't a fat child, but early puberty (period at 10), fat genes, and a taste for junk food I wasn't allowed to have at home got me to between 200 and 250, back and forth, between the ages of 11 and 17. I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive/Bipolar at age 17, and put on a NASTY cocktail of drugs that, while temporarily calming me down, caused massive weight loss in a short period, much of my hair to fall out, and generally made me more of a basket case in the long run. And then tragedy struck....

After becoming "skinny" (although I'd lost a lot of hair, so I still felt ugly...STILL growing it back! )(165 lbs was skinny to me and others!) from Lithium poisioning and all that crap, I managed to REALLY get myself in trouble: I got pregnant just after HS graduation, from a guy I'd been with on and off since I was 12 (we weren't serious until I was 15 or so)...being the stellar young man he was, he promptly told me to abort and cut off all contact with me(we lived in different states at this point). I decided to keep the baby, but quickly developed serious complications. I managed to get Pre-eclampsia in my 4th month, resulting in mandatory bedrest. My unborn daughter was doing just fine, despite the health concerns regarding my BP (I've had issues with it since I was 12), until I picked up a MASSIVE infection during a short hospital stay for gallstones...my daughter, who'd previously been super-healthy, was stillborn a few days later, at 29 weeks. I was a wreck, as you can imagine. No amount of support can alleviate the pain of losing a child, especially when it's your first. I'm scarred for life, I think.

My poor mother, who was as crushed as I was, took care of me the only way she knew how: by feeding me. Food has always been a comfort to me, and this situation was a great exaggeration of that sad fact. I left the hospital a week after losing my little girl at around 225 lbs (gained a lot from bedrest and P/E fluids), and before I knew it, I was 300 lbs by the next year. I'm a mess. While my life is improved these days (I have a wonderful fiance, a lovely little nephew, age 5, who has done a lot to help with my pain, and I'm working towards a great career), I still ache for my baby girl, as well as the mistakes I would change if I only had a chance. #1 being getting pregnant in the first place, and #2 being eating to try and fill the hole in my heart.

My depression, whatever the diagnosis (I think, at some point, I've been "tagged" with everything in the DSM-IV) definitely complicates my efforts to become healthy, but I CANNOT LET DESPAIR KILL ME. This is why I'm here. Besides, I desperately want another child, but it might be deadly to attempt pregnancy at my size, with my BP issues and history. I'd sooner die than risk losing another baby. My doctor warns me every visit to not get pregnant, as for some reason, I cannot assure her that I am NOT currently trying to get pregnant. What a moron! She put in my dang IUD, argh!

Since I'm technically insulin-resistant as well, with a F/H of diabetes, I try to follow a low-glycemic diet. I'm currently trying to do my own "Beach Watchers" sort of thing, where I follow the SB principles, but within WW's points. I'd love to hear from anyone doing a similar plan

So there's my sob story....I don't mean to bring you down, but it helps to explain my predicament and large amount of weight to use.

Is there an "emotional eaters" group? I definitely need to get in on that.

Anyways, thanks for listening/reading, and feel free to contact me!

Take care,

Jen

[ajandpj99]

Welcome Halloweengirl!!

Thank you for sharing so many personal things - I am sure you will find all the support you could ever hope for, for every aspect, somewhere here on this forum.

It seems there are sub groups for just about everthing.

I applaud you for focusing on being healthy as your reason for wanting to lose weight. There is no arguing with your blood pressure.

My deepest sympathies for your loss - without children of my own, I can only imagine what losing your daughter was like.

Weather or not you have tried and failed before doesnt matter. This is a new start, a new day. The past is what you learn from and consider all past attempts as practice.

[mauvaisroux]

Welcome Jen!

You've certainly been through a lot and my deepest sympathies for the loss of your daughter

Taking charge of your life and health is a good place to start you on the road to recovery and if you need any help with anything just post - everyone here is very friendly and helpful.

I did South Beach Diet and WW a while back (2004) and had some success. I am currently focusing on whole foods and eating more vegetarian meals.

Here is a link to some menus I posted if you need some help with meal planning.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39284

Menus for Phase 1 are at the top and if you scroll down a bit you will find another post in that thread with Phase 2 menus.

Good luck with your weight loss journey!

[halloweengirl]

Ladies, thank you! I love this place already I also dig the fact that we have the "Alternachick" forum. I used to post a lot on the WW website (a few years ago), but as a non-Christian, non-God-fearin' girl who loves The Cure, Halloween, and black nail polish, I didn't fit their "Proud to be an Uh-merican" cookie cutter mold over there :-P

[mauvaisroux]

Bwwwwahahahahah!!!! I just noticed your quote about having ice cream's baby!

I hear ya! Lovely people but they just don't understand the joy of horror movies, dark'n dancy music, leopard print jackets, spiderweb tights and red lipstick.

[jegersengel]

Welcome! I'm new here too
I'm so sorry to hear about all of these problems you've had to endure.
But I can guarantee that you're a stronger person for it!
I had a miscarriage while my hubby was away at Army Basic Training and dealt with it horribly- and we didn't even intend to have a baby. So I can definately sympathise with you.
It's great that you do have a mother that cares so much for you! And to have a wonderful fiance!
If you can endure all of the hardships you have, you can *definately* lose weight!!
If you need anything feel free to contact me!

[CherryCrush]

Hi Jen!
I'm sort of new here too. I somewhat can empathize with what you feel, I had a miscarriage when I was 16yrs old. Actually now that I think about it it will be 9yrs on Oct. 4th. It totally messed me up and I went in and out of severe depression for the next 5yrs or so. I finally got somewhat of a grip on my life a few years ago. But over all that time I turned to food to fill that void in my life. I am definitely an emotional eater. I graduated highschool 6 yrs ago and I was about 140 in 12th grade and gained about 20lbs a year for the next five years. I've been in the low 240's for about a year and a half now and haven't been able to focus on losing it. I recently moved and am hoping to start new and fresh and get more active and make healthy meals at home for myself. I got a bike and my goal is to ride it to class 2x a week at least and go on rides in the evenings and weekends too. I still deal with depression and emotional eatings but am trying to make adjustments to my mentality to better cope with it.

I've really like the South Beach stuff I've tryed and I joined WW about 2 months before I moved, so I have all the books and stuff. I was always wanting to figure a way to combine them also! I'm glad to hear someone else does too! Maybe we can share tips.

I kept this short I know I can ramble on and on, so don't be suprised if you see loonng posts from me too!
Here's a link to the depression & weight issues forum.

The chicks in control forum too has alot to do with binge eating, and eating disorders, but I find it good to read because alot of that is about emotional eating too!