[sugarlove]

Hi everyone!

I've been lurking here for the last few weeks, and have just started posting here and there. I am a 30 year old SAHM in Canada, and I have 117 pounds to lose.

I've been overweight since my early teens - the honest truth is that I don't even know who I am if I'm not overweight, as it's really the only way I remember myself. I've just started to realize that this has likely been part of the reason why I've struggled so much with losing weight - I think I'm afraid of losing part of my identity, as crazy and dumb as that may sound. Does that make sense to anyone? I just have some fear surrounding the unknown....what will I look like? What will I feel like? How will people treat me? What will people say? How the heck DO you shop in a "regular" store, anyways?? Lots of thoughts, lots of fears.

I'm realizing, though, that I can't let those fears hold me back and keep me down. I can't stand how I look right now, and hate how I feel. I'm tired, lethargic, and headachey so much of the time...this just isn't the way to live. Recently, I've had a couple of episodes with a "fluttery heart" that had me scared stiff.....nothing ever came from it, but it was enough to make my blood run cold as I found myself praying that I hadn't wasted too much time, waited too long to make important healthy changes.

I feel trepidation starting again as I've been here before. I'm so GREAT at losing weight in my daydreams!!! The reality is that the day to day struggle is hard, and I'm so afraid of failing again I keep trying to tell myself that all my previous attempts have allowed me to learn so much about myself - what works and what doesn't, what I enjoy and what I don't, that I'm better equipped to do this now than ever before. I certainly hope so, anyways.

What I've learned is that simple is best for me. I found Fitday PC, and really like it - tracking my food and calories, as well as nutrients, is fun and motivating with this program. So, I'm basically a calorie counter now. I'm so over "diets" and "programs"....it's finally sunk in for me that it's all about calories in, calories out, and that I don't need to pay someone to tell me what to do (not knocking anyone on a program - different strokes for different folks! It's just not for me anymore, that's all). I learned that I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of processed foods...and don't feel good about myself when I know that all I'm eating are "empty" foods, so I now eat mostly whole foods...a lot of them organic, but that's in large part due to my son's health. Meals have gone from elaborate, multi-ingredient casseroles to simpler fare - grilled chicken, potatoes, salad and vegetables. I feel better eating this way, and it's making my life in the kitchen so much easier, too!!

Activity is one area I'm still working on - I do have a treadmill and have decided that my goal for next week is to do 20-30 minutes just 3x a week. I know that's a realistic goal (heck, I gave birth - I should be able to manage 20 minutes on a treadmill! ), and I'll plan to build on it after a little while.

My DH needs to lose about 65 pounds as well, and is incredibly busy with work so is a bit dependent on me to help him right now. I'm kind of taking charge of things for both of us, since I do all the cooking anyways! It does add a little bit more pressure, but I'm working on understanding that while I can take care of the food, the rest HAS to be up to him.

I know what I need to do, and am ready to do it. It's still so hard sometimes, though - the road ahead seems insurmountable sometimes!! I'm really just trying to focus on 5 pound goals - surely I can lose 5 pounds, right? I'll worry about the next 5 after that, and on and on and on....and on

Anyways - I just wanted you all to know that reading here everyday has been motivating for me, and I've had such a longing to participate and be a part of such a supportive place. Telling you a little bit about me seemed to be a good place to start!

[Cassie501107]

Hello, Susan! You're right...you can't let fear keep you from this! I have found that this site give me SUCH motivation. I thank God that I fell into this place. I can't go a day without it, and when I am feeling down, I just come here and realize that I am not alone--and neither are you.

Also, I had the scare with a 'fluttering heart' as well....it lasted several days, and to be honest, it scared the crap outta me. I rushed to the doctor, who sent me to a cardiologist where I had a battery of tests run. Luckily, everything came back okay, but talk about a wake up call! Now that I have lost 45lbs, I no longer have the heart palpitations...thank goodness. Nothing like a health scare to wake you up, right? Well it did, because like you, I am a SAHM, and I want to be around to see my kids grow up....and my grandkids. It's NOT too late to make changes! It's NEVER too late!

Good luck, and we're here for you!

[Heather]

Welcome another former lurker! (suddenly there are several of you!) So glad to see you in our ranks! It sounds like you're really working on wrapping your mind around all of this!! It's hard work, but worth it!

[karistiana]

You are certainly more than welcome here! There is quite a variety of different programs and weight loss strategies being used here. It basically boils down to what works best for you. We are all on the same journey to lose weight even if we take separate paths to get there. That's ok ... we can all support each other regardless of that!

[trishn222]

There are so many ways to succeed and so many ways to fail. I think the biggest way to succeed is to never give up. If you fail pick yourself up and start again. Hopefully you start at a better place than you were before. I know you can do this and I know that you will get support from here if you keep coming. This has done wonders for my goal this time. I have someone to answer to and when I hit a bump someone to complain to and get some good advice. Good luck in your healthy lifestyle journey. You will make it.

Trish

[MelodyL]

Welcome to the board Susan!! I am a newly outted lurker as well. I have been overweight my entire life, I was put on my first diet when I was 2, even my thinnest weight ever was not thin (was about a size 12/14), but I'd be so ecstatic to be that size again...only get that way in a healthier fasion. I look forward to sharing the journey with you, we are about the same weight right now and have goals that are close. We can do this!! I imagine everyone here has failed, probably multiple times, and I get scared to try again, but it's not impossible, and while it seems insurmountable at times, we see all the success stories here and elsewhere and realize that it isn't!!

[newfiedarling]

Sorry I'm late - Welcome!

~Dee

[dragonwoman64]

Originally Posted by sugarlove

I've been overweight since my early teens - the honest truth is that I don't even know who I am if I'm not overweight, as it's really the only way I remember myself. I've just started to realize that this has likely been part of the reason why I've struggled so much with losing weight - I think I'm afraid of losing part of my identity, as crazy and dumb as that may sound. Does that make sense to anyone? I just have some fear surrounding the unknown....what will I look like? What will I feel like? How will people treat me? What will people say? How the heck DO you shop in a "regular" store, anyways?? Lots of thoughts, lots of fears !

makes sense to me. I've been overweight since I was a kid. I don't remember ever shopping for clothes in "regular" stores (or not in the large sized section of a "regular" store)

Originally Posted by sugarlove

The reality is that the day to day struggle is hard, and I'm so afraid of failing again I keep trying to tell myself that all my previous attempts have allowed me to learn so much about myself - what works and what doesn't, what I enjoy and what I don't, that I'm better equipped to do this now than ever before. I certainly hope so, anyways.

hey, the only failure is not trying. I do believe that with each try I've made I have learned about myself and about diet and exercise. I think it can be hard, the day to day struggle. It's a mental battle for me, the majority of it. What has helped me is setting up my habits, routines, and environment so I can stick to my plan. I go off it, have problems, vacations, over indulgences. I try to make it a priority to get right back on plan so those blips don't become landslides.

Originally Posted by sugarlove

I don't need to pay someone to tell me what to do (not knocking anyone on a program - different strokes for different folks! It's just not for me anymore, that's all). I learned that I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of processed foods...and don't feel good about myself when I know that all I'm eating are "empty" foods, so I now eat mostly whole foods...a lot of them organic, but that's in large part due to my son's health. Meals have gone from elaborate, multi-ingredient casseroles to simpler fare - grilled chicken, potatoes, salad and vegetables. I feel better eating this way, and it's making my life in the kitchen so much easier, too!!

I've built my program around what I learned on JC and WW, but am not officially a member to either anymore. I agree with you about the whole foods, and eating simpler meals -- it's easier to keep the calories down and know what I'm eating.

If I looked at the whole picture, it sure would be a lot more intimidating for me. I agree with short term goals. One thing I've learned (and I still struggle with it from time to time) is not to psych myself out too much, with scale numbers, with missing exercise, or going off plan, or taking more time to lose weight. I just try to pay attention, so I can work on changing what's not working, and put those blinders on and plug away at it.

[ChocLabLover]

I missed this thread from before. from a fellow Canuck!