[tkdkathy]

Hi, everyone, I am so discouraged. I used to post here, and you all were so nice. Howie, are you still here? I especially remember you. As well as lots of other people. I am really scared I am losing my health and that I cannot do this. Here is what I just posted on the support board. I am really ready to just give up on trying to get this weight off and my health back.


Oh my gosh, I have never been so discouraged. But I NEED to do this! I used to post here, maybe a year ago??? I had to go in and change my signature before posting, because when I last posted here, I had lost 14 pounds, which at the time seemed so little, but now I wish I had appreciated more---because I have no idea how much I weigh. I know I am bigger, though. I had my husband get the doc to write down how much I weighed when I went in last week, but I don't want to see it.

I am trying to shorten this down, so someone may actually read it all, but it is kind of a long story. When I was posting before, I was dealing with a lifelong eating issues/weight problem. But I had lost a lot of weight before and kept it off, then had to start taking medicine that made me gain at least 65 pounds---I am not kidding---and I still have to take a little bit of it. I eat for comfort, too, definitely. I learned to comfort myself long ago by eating. So eating and weight are so HARD to deal with, anyway. And now I found out my blood pressure is so high, I had to start taking medication. And I have always had low blood pressure ---and my cholesterol and triglycerides are very high, and I am prediabetic. I just want to cry and give up.

I just started a very stressful job, also, and a very sedentary one. But I am working on making it less stressful, as I really need to stay there for awhile, and at least I am not looking for work anymore, which was hugely stressful, too.

I posted before on the 100 pound board---everyone there was so nice, even though I didn't have a 100 to lose. But I feel so lost. I lost the 14 pounds by doing WW by myself---with support here and from my family. But it was freaking hard!!! I feel so mixed up, like I cannot do this. But I need to take care of my health, and I know my eating habits are contributing to some of my problems. Has anyone been successful in a situation like this?? Do you think I should try the WW points again, since at least I did get results. I am too freaked out to go to meetings and get weighed---plus it costs money and I don't have a lot right now---although the support would be good. Have you been successful following something just using self-discipline even though it was hard, and did it get easier?? I am just so discouraged right now, but I need to take immediate steps to get my health back. Have you learned to calm yourself without food. Is is o.k. to follow someone else's plan? I once lost weight by just eating less and exercising a lot, but I don't think I can do that right now.

Thank you so much for your help. I realize how stressed I am about this whole situation as I have just kind of jumped all over the place here. But if you have any words of help, I would appreciate it so much. Thank you very much.

Thank you so much, if you read this. I don't know exactly what to do, but I need to be successful, despite a lot of challenges. Any encouragement or ideas would be appreciated very much. Can I come back and join you again (100 pound board people )?

[Sandi D]

Kathy
COme Join us
talk to us
and we can support each other
sometimes when you help others you help your self
you can do it and lose this weight
sandi

[Charles78]

Kathy,

You can get your health back. I had many of the same health issues just 22 months ago. I am off of all my medicine now. Don't give up. It is not about willpower - rather it is about a willingness to change. I know - Lord knows I know it is hard. It can be done. It can even be fun doing it. The journey is rewarding. My advise to you is to forget the word diet. You want to change your life long habits. When I started, I made a contract with myself. Here is mine - if it makes sense to you, maybe you could copy it, remove my answers and put in your own. Each of us had to make the decision that it is no longer acceptable to continue the way we were. I wish you the very best, and if I can help in anyway - please let me know.

At the advice of my behaviorist I did a evaluation of where I was at and what I wanted for myself. Here is what motivated me. ( I made notes where some things have changes)

Make sure you goals are:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Timed

"Knowledge without action is useless"

My Maintenance Weight Goal is: 220

Make sure that all the goals you set for yourself are SMART ones.


SOCIAL PRESSURES

• I don’t go out a lot, so this is not a super concern for me.



RELATIONSHIP CONCERNS

• I have a 6 year old daughter. A huge motivator for me is to:

o Get healthy so I will be around for her
o Get fit so that I can be a better father – do more things with Katy and do what I can for her to have a better childhood
o I worry about the bad example that I set for Katy in the weight department. I know the stigma of being over-weight and I really don’t want that for my daughter.





Willingness vs. Excuses (Where are you at?)
• I feel very willing to make this change in my life. I feel stupid for waiting this long to do it. I do beat myself up a good bit over the wasted years of my life. I know that I need to put that baggage down and move on. It bothers me that I left myself go for so long. I need to work on that.




Rate your level of Motivation and Confidence (Scale of 1 to 10…10 being very):

• Most days a 7 or 8. I feel good about the change. I would put higher but I know the statistics are very daunting for long term successful weight loss. Some days, especially if I have a bad day, I give in to a little pity and despair. On those days I would say my motivation goes to about a 3 or 4. Thus far, my good days have far out numbered my bad ones.



Eating Triggers (List……Smell, Sight, Taste, Cravings, Trigger Foods, etc.)
• French Fries
• Frito's
• Fresh baked bread
• Smell of cooking steak
• Potato chips of any kind


Emotional Triggers (List……i.e. Happy, Sad, Bored, etc.)
• Sad
• Stressed
• Bored
• Angry
• Frustrated

High Risk Situations (List - Weekends, Parties, Work, etc.)
• Weekends – but only because it gets me out of my routine.
• Very high stress situations make me want to eat.



10 ways to reward myself without food:

1. Quiet time – read a good book (Got my room setup)

2. Go to the movie

3. Purchase next electronic must have LOL

4. Go to a play, concert or museum

5. Join a gym.

6. Buy some new clothes.

7. Go out with friends.

8. Make time to mini-vacation. (Galveston on
weekends, short trips.)

9. Buy some good songs from Napster for my mp3 player.

10. Treat myself to a massage






20 ways to cope without food:

1. Get more active. Join a gym, do more things with Katy

2. Realize that whatever problems I am facing, they will be easier to face if I am healthy and feel good. Nothing that I have to deal with will be easier at 563 pounds. In fact, no matter what the situation it will be easier to deal with at 220-230 because I will have more energy and feel better.

3. Realize that I have a food addiction. Support groups are now going to be a part of my life from now on. It will be a never ending process to get and stay healthy, but one that I know will be worth it for me and for my family.

4. Read as much information as I can about successful strategies for making lifetime behavior changes.

5. If I feel bored, get up and go do something…. Anything but eat. If I feel angry – go take a drive, listen to some music – call someone in my support team. If I feel sad and start in on myself about things that I have not done with my life, remind myself that the past is over and cannot be changed. The only events I have control over are the ones happening right NOW!

6. Join an on-line discussion group with people that have the same problems that I do with food. As I use a computer so much and read a lot of message boards, this might be a good source of additional support to supplement the support groups I am already active in.

7. Schedule some “play” time everyday

8. Don’t be reluctant to say “No”

9. Look for ways to reduce the stress in my life.

10. Try to see problems as challenges that if I plan and work hard on, that I can overcome.

11. Continue to work to find serenity. While some aspects of my life are not great, I need to keep the serenity prayer in mind.

12. Put focus back on being very productive at work. If I excel in that part of my life, it will help to relive some of my stress. Lower stress will help in all aspects of my life.

13. Actively seek out and deal with parts of my life that I tend to suppress and procrastinate on. Pretending the problem is not there will not make it go away. ( damn it to **** )

14. Join Bally's. That will give me a healthy outlet for exercise, social interaction and recreation.

15. Plan, budget for and do activities with Katy to broaden her horizons and be entertaining, fun and educational for the both of us.

16. Look into taking yoga or a meditation class.

17. Read more books!

18. Spend more time with my friends.

19. Set a goal for myself to coach a FFPS soccer team next fall.

20. Lastly, I resolve to do whatever it takes – therapy, educational classes, support groups and even surgery as a last alternative to achieve my goal of better health by reaching and maintaining for the remainder of my life a healthy weight.




DENIAL MINIMIZATION RATIONALIZATION

(Or as I like to call them, the 3 horsemen of the Apocalypse)

(Some of my best thinking processes about food helped me become overweight)

Denial
• My coping mechanism seems to be repression. If I have problems or issues, I just refuse to confront them. I do lots of other stuff not to deal with issues. I think that this is a form of denial. I don’t give into the “oh I eat nothing and the weight just jumps on me” kind of thing. I know that I got the way I am by eating 5000 plus calories a day. At the time, I just did not give a damn.

Minimization
• Ok, I own up to this one. An extra hash brown and an extra sausage biscuit with cheese is not that bad for you.
• I minimized the harm that I was doing to myself with my over eating. On one level, I knew it was killing me, but I just was not willing to do anything about it – until last May (2004).

Rationalization
• OK, I am the king of this one. I consider myself to be intelligent, so I can rationalize just about anything. You know, I am unhappy so what the ****, lets head to McDonalds on the way home from work. How about well, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke – so what? I over eat – everyone deserves one vice. I can make anything I do seem logical… and often do. It is only when I can step back and really look critically and logically at what I am doing can I see it for the BS that it really is. So what if you are unhappy Charles, how the **** is anything at McDonalds going to fix that??? LOL man it is almost funny if it was not so sad.

My Plan to Battle these three:

These three are killers for sure. My plan is to keep my focus on my objectives. Keep going to group, keep involved in an active weight loss program. That will help me stay vigilant for that kind of thinking. I resolve to be honest with the people in my group and the people that I work with on my weight problem so that they can help let me know if I am slipping into one of the big three deadly sins.

To paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, The price of a healthy weight is eternal vigilance.
• I will never be defeated unless I quit trying.
• If I ever relapse to my old eating patterns, I will immediately seek out help to get back on the path to sanity. I will not let shame, humiliation or pride keep me from looking for the help I need.
• If I ever find that what I am doing is not working, I will work to find what will work. I affirm today that my current condition is no longer acceptable to me.
• I affirm that this is something that I want for me. There may a lot of things in this life that I do not have control over – however, my lifestyle and relationship to food is something that with help, focus and desire - it is a goal that I can reach and maintain.


I make this plan for myself and only myself: Sign below….

__________________________________________________



Reduction weight goal: Lose a total of 342.3 lbs.


Time Frame:

I want to be less than 400lbs by December 1, 2004. To reach that goal; I need to lose 4.2 lbs per week.

I want to be less than 300 lbs by May 28, 2005. To reach that goal; I need to lose 3.8 lbs per week. (Assuming that I hit my prior goal) (I will miss this by about 15 lbs - I was at 331 tonight.)

I want to be at my target weight of 220 lbs by May 1, 2006. To reach that goal; I need to lose 2.3 lbs per week. (Assuming I reach my prior goals) (I think it will take me till December of 2006 to reach my final goal but I am OK with that.)

Exercise Plan: (Days, Length of Time, Types of Exercise, alternatives, Etc.)

This will change over time.

Current
3 Days per week, minimum of 6 hours per week. Swimming and water aerobics. Alternative: walking

I am going to join the Bally's in July. I want to work up to 6 days per week, and a minimum of an hour per day. I want to do cardio vascular exercise at first and build my stamina and endurance. Exercise Bike and water aerobics and swimming. Later, once I am under 400lbs, I want to go to 4 days cardio and 2 days circuit training to tone and help build and keep muscle mass.



My Calorie Range: Current and until I reach ideal weight 1200 – 1600 per day.



My Meal Plan I Intend to use:
I want to eat a balanced diet. Recommended percentages are:
Fat 20-30%, Carbohydrates 50-60%, Protein 10-15%, and Saturated Fats less than 9% I don’t want to eat many carbohydrates so what I want to do is as follows.

Fat 25-35%, Carbohydrates 30-40%, Protein 25-35%


Food Record Maintenance (Method)

I use www.myfooddiary.com



Charles - Houston, TX

[BerkshireGrl]

Thank you Charles for a great post! Lots of good advice and wisdom in there...

[Jen]

Hi Kathy, you certainly are welcome to come back and post! Life happens and we just have to learn to cope and get on with it. Easier said than done of course but all we can do is keep plugging along. I've started journalling a lot and I find that helps to keep my focus. I've waffled around a lot with losing weight, really kidding myself that I was actually trying to lose weight but of course I wasn't. I have actually lost more in the past few weeks than I have in years so I'm really excited. It takes time to find something that clicks and you can stick with. You did it once, you can find that motivation and focus again!

[CLCSC145]

Hi Kathy!

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad... We've all been at that point where we have to do something (which is scary in it's own right) or do nothing and face something infinitely more scary. Congraulations for coming back. Take a deep breath and then a little step in the right direction. Then another. You can do this!

If you are like every other overweight person I know, you know what to do, better than a lot of naturally thin people I suspect! Choose healthy foods (say yes to lean meats, veggies, and fruits, and no to junk and foods devoid of nutrition), take a walk, and drink your water. Don't look too far down the road, focus on making good choices in the moment and the rest kind of takes care of itself.... Stay with us and we'll do it together!

[SherryA]

I would suggest that you try Atkins. (With your doctor's supervision). You sound like a prime candidate for it. Many people with high blood pressure and high cholesterol benefit from Atkins more than any other diet. Lowering your carb intake will lower your triglycerides and your cholesterol and will lower your blood pressure.

The reason I suggest doing it with your doctor's supervision is that sometimes for people who are taking blood pressure medication the lowering is so drastic that you must get off the blood pressure medicine so that your blood pressure doesn't go TOO low.

People on medications must be careful what they do and how they do it, but I honestly believe that diet is the best way to correct and protect our health. Medicine is poison that we should avoid if there is another way to deal with the problem. I'm not anti medicine, but it should be the last resort, not the first.

[SuchAPrettyFace]

Following atkins for too long can mess up your kidneys. Kidney damage is irreversible. I think I'm gonna have to put that in my signature.

I have high blood pressure too, what is most recommended for us is the DASH diet. It stands for Dietary Approach to Stop Hypertension. A big part of HBP is sodium intake. You're going to have to make some small switches--frozen or fresh veggies instead of canned; a piece of fruit rather than juice, taking the saltshaker off the table & slowly moving some processed foods out of your diet. Also beware of diet soda, some of them have hidden sodium, like my beloved diet A&W root beer.

I know we're not supposed to post links, but this is a good one, they are not selling anything. There are sample menu's, starter tips, etc. Some really good information.

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/publ...h/new_dash.pdf

You can also order a paper copy from them.

Triglycerides, um...watch it with the fruit juices. Quench your thirst w/water, if you can't stand plain water, cut it with a shot (ounce or less) of 100% fruit juice (Juicy Juice is good).

Also, my doctor let me know, he has a 115 pound patient who is on HBP meds. It's not always about the weight.

Welcome back! Hope you find the info helpful.

[rabidstoat]

Do you have health insurance, with reasonable copays?

I ask, because I've tried Weight Watchers before, and TOPS, and it never worked for me. What worked for me was going to see a registered dietician. I think I might have lucked out in that I found an AMAZING one to go to, as I've been to two since, and neither has been that great.

What I did was go every other week, I think it was, for a half hour appointment. We talked about nutrition and other stuff too, but definitely eating strategies, and she gave me new ideas to try, etc. It's hard to explain why, but it really helped. Maybe it was just accountability, maybe she was a great motivator, maybe I was just in a mindset it'd work, I don't know.

At the time my copays were $10. She had a system where you paid for one office visit and got 4 appointments. So basically I paid $10, went every other week, for 8 weeks. That's $2.50 per visit! Definitely more affordable than Weight Watchers.

I was able to get insurance to cover it because I was morbidly obese at the time. I think if you had insurance, and high blood pressure and pre-diabetes and other risk factors that a dietician could help, it could be covered for you. Unfortunately, if you don't have health insurance, I'm sure it'll wind up more expensive than Weight Watchers. (Though there, TOPS is another choice for an 'in person' support network that doesn't cost a lost of money, when I used to go it was 1-2 dollars a week, I think, and that went toward things for the group.)

[Heather]

kathy -- welcome back! You've received a lot of great advice! My added advice is to take a deep breath. Okay, let it out. And then another. Okay, let that out too.

Sometimes when we get desperate, we stop thinking clearly. You CAN do this, you know. And there are lots of ways to do it. You just need to figure out what works for you.

After the deep breathing, next I recommend making a couple of small changes in what you're doing now (as a way to start taking back control of your life and your eating). For me it was portion control and just some movement.

While you do that, read read read. Here and elsewhere. Figure out your options. Try some other behavioral changes. Make a commitment to yourself. And recognize that patience is necessary -- you didn't gain the weight overnight and you won't lose it overnight (or in a month, or two) either.

And breathe. You can do this.

[tkdkathy]

Thank you so much. Your care and support brought tears to my eyes. I don't have a lot of time to post right now, but I wanted to make sure I thanked each one of you. I am trying WW points today, and I want to make a commitment to do whatever it takes to be healthy and reach my goals. I will think about what each one of you said. Bless you. I will try to post here and be part of the group. Thank you!!

[newfiedarling]

Hi Kathy, welcome back. Some great advice here already. I don't really have anything new to add. This is a wonderful support network so make sure you stick around - we're all in the same boat.

~Dee

[ChocLabLover]

Ditto to what everyone has already said! (Charles, as always excellent post) Post away and read all the support!