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Old 03-08-2006, 11:32 AM   #11
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Rio Grande, NJ
Posts: 106


This is a very delicate subject and I went through something similar a fair few years ago with my first husband. We had been together about 5 years and married for 2 of those. My weight had gone up and down, then I was diagnosed with PCOS so there were other issues for me to deal with but all through that he seemed totally supportive. In 1990 I was at my highest ever weight - 287lbs. One night my husband said to me, I don't think I want to be married to you anymore, I would rather be divorced then a widower. Well, I understood his reasoning to a certain point, I tried to tell myself that he was trying to be helpful and encourage me to lose weight, but with a medical problem helping my weight gain, it wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do. As you can imagine I was devastated. Luckily we had 2 wonderful friends who came running over when I called them in hysterics and they sat us down in separate rooms and gave us both a good talking to. The following week I signed myself up with a new endocrinologist. It was discovered that I also have thyroid problems. I was put on medication, I followed a sensible diet and over the next 8 months or so, 137lbs fell off me. My husband was, as you can imagine, delighted. However, something inside me had died that night and no matter how I tried I could not bring it back to life. It was love and respect that died.

A couple of months later, I left him. His turn to be devastated. I tried to explain to him what he had done to me that night. He just didn't get it. Many years later when we became friends again, he finally understood and realised that it was his fault for not talking to me about it.

My situation was different as my husband was telling me he was leaving me because I was fat, and that he was scared I was going to die. However, he had never before brought up my weight in that way. He could have been a little more selective in what he said, but I guess he was at the end of his tether and had kept it bottled up.

That's why talking now is so important to you and your boyfriend. As said in earlier posts, what if you do lose lots of weight, get married settle down but you put on weight again in a few years? Will he say something similar to you again? Is it cultural differences and not really embarrassment on his side.


Then and only then can you make a decision and that decision has to be yours.


Last edited by HippyHippo; 03-08-2006 at 11:40 AM.
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