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Old 03-08-2006, 10:31 AM   #10
DNR
Determined Woman
 
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Iowa
Posts: 245

Default Hope This Doesn't Offend You

First of all, before I say anything, I am trying to be tactful. I agree with the comments others have said here - and there are a lot of issues going on here and it's a topic that can be picked to death. But, this is my question . . .

How long has this person been with you - if he is a long-time boyfriend, did you suddenly become overweight and it's a new thing for him or did he become your boyfriend when you were already overweight? If it's the latter, then if he's so embarrassed, why did he become your boyfriend in the first place? Obviously he was attracted to you or he wouldn't be your boyfriend.

I guess I feel that even though he was being honest (which is a good thing), there are ways to be sensitive to a person's feelings and I think the way he put it, makes him sound selfish and only concerned about his feelings. I had a somewhat similar comment said to me by my husband once a long time ago and I have never forgotten it. I have stored it back in my mind and I don't bring it up but I feel that he was being selfish at the time and not sensitive to my feelings. I truly don't think that he understood how devistated I was by his comment and your boyfriend probably doesn't realize it either - since he doesn't have a weight issue (I'm assuming this from what you said).

I think if he feels the way he does and is concerned about marriage, then you are probably better off knowing this and not entering into a marriage commitment. But I would be darned if I would let what he said sabbotage my weight loss efforts and my self esteem. This type of comment would only make me more determined to lose the weight and be attractive to many men. I know that you love this person, but I wouldn't become invisible so that he's not embarrassed anymore - there are other fish to fry.

Like I said, I hope this didn't offend you but I am all for standing up for yourself and you need to do just that.

DNR
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