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Old 03-08-2006, 09:33 AM   #7
Heather's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,704

S/C/G: 295/225/back to Onederland

Height: 5'5"


This IS a tough situation. On the one hand, there may be cultural issues here. On the other hand, that kind of comment IS very hurtful and CAN drive a wedge.

One question I had. Do you think he's saying "I love you very much, but sometimes I am embarrassed about your size, because I feel uncomfortable standing out in Korea?" That's different from "You embarrass me" I think, and does frame it more as a cultural issue.

I believe Korean culture is more indirect in its communication, isn't it? My experience with Japanese people who try to be direct (but who aren't used to it), is that they sometimes go over the top and bungle the comment, maybe by being TOO direct. That is, they haven't quite picked up on the nuances of how to be direct. maybe your bf is trying to be very direct in his communication, and didn't think the remark would be taken so personally?

Either way, I think more communication is in order!!

I also appreciate Charles' comment. Both my husband and I are obese. I love him very much, and he loves me, and that love is not contingent on weight. However, as we lose weight, I think we will start to find other ways we are attracted to each other -- other physical things that are attractive. I think it can be hard to separate those two issues.

Good luck!!!

My 5 C's of healthy living: Commitment to conscious control, with the understanding that choices have consequences
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