[aerotigergirl]

Sorry if this is an inappropriate forum for the following vent, but I'm home alone so there's no one to talk to, and I just am upset and I need to get this off my chest.

Yesterday was a phenomenal day of skiing and sunshine. I had been studying for my test (today) for about a week, and I pretty much had it all figured out. When I got home last night, people started calling me, asking me to come to school and help them understand some things. This was at 10PM. I reluctantly agreed, thinking I'd be there for 30 minutes, max. While I was there studying with one other person, another friend called and needed me to explain something to her. I'd been generous with information already, forwarding out old copies of exams, etc... so, she came and found me studying with another friend and brought an entire crew of people with her to get my explanation. They were not, however, ablet o explain much of anything to me. I kept saying that I needed to go because I wanted to re-watch three lectures when I got home, but no one seemed to be bothered with that. So, in the end, I didn't get to watch the lectures because I didn't get home until near 1AM. And while I was studying for the test this morning, the same friend came over and said, "could you explain this to me...." so i did. a few minutes later, when they handed the test out, it was almost an exact duplicate of a test that had been done in a prior year, so most of the questions were very familiar. BUT, there was one question I couldn't understand, and of course, my friends, who had been asking me for help all along, figured it out. so, long story short---they score 100% (likely) and I get less than a B.

UGH. I am so angry with myself for agreeing to stick around and help everyone else out when I knew that I had work to do on my own! I always do this. It's like I can't bear to say no to someone for fear of hurting their feelings or upsetting them, to the detriment of my own well-being. I am also angry at myself for being resentful over this whole mess. I realize it's not my friends' fault that I didn't get it right, it's my own fault. But I am angry with my friends.

What else... I got barely 4 hours of sleep last night, so I'm cranky. I'm frustrated with my lack of progress with my diet over the past couple of days. I spent an entire saturday stuck in my office while the sun was shining and it was a great day outside. I haven't had time to clean my house or cook my lunches for this week, and I have a houseguest coming to stay on Wednesday.

I'm very angry with myself, and it's really worrisome because I am a comfort eater. I have been doing well with my diet, but when times are rough, food is comforting to me, and I'm scared I will screw it all up by binging over this whole ordeal.

Sorry about all this. I just needed to talk to someone.

[Less of Lena]

Originally Posted by aerotigergirl

It's like I can't bear to say no to someone for fear of hurting their feelings or upsetting them, to the detriment of my own well-being. I am also angry at myself for being resentful over this whole mess. I realize it's not my friends' fault that I didn't get it right, it's my own fault. But I am angry with my friends.

I so understand this sentiment. It's me, to a T. Regardless of how inconvenient the request, I almost will always say Yes (when I really should say No), then bust my gut to make it happen for the other person, even to the detriment of myself. Drives me crazy!

And, to top it off, when they inevitably say, "Thanks, hope it wasn't too much trouble!", I will always say, "No problem!" Grrrrrr (at me).

It really irks me when I find out I've been working away at their issue, while they're out having a good time. At least the people you were helping were right there with you .

I think it's because I want people to like me (people-pleaser). I'm afraid if I say No, they'll think I'm a witch, so I almost always say Yes. Most of the time, I say Yes because I want to say Yes. I truly do want to help or participate or whatever. But every now and then, I have the situation you described above.

Can't tell you how to stop it. It's probably just part of your nature, like it is part of mine. Guess we just have to learn to accept it, make peace with it and know we're not alone .

[cinnamonspice]

I'm so sorry sweetie. You must learn to say no. Try saying okay, I have to get MY work done guys. It is hard, you are always afraid you will cause hurt feelings, plus it feels great to feel that you have helped someone else. But you must take care of yourself first.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Go to bed early if you can and get some rest. You have lost 16lbs so far, that is great. I think you can stick with it and do it. Just think how proud you will be when you see that ticker getting closer and closer to your goal.

[aerotigergirl]

thanks guys.

I really needed to just write it all out to start to feel better. I am going to take a nap and try really hard to just forget about it. when I wake, I am going to the gym to work out, and hopefully that will help clear my head.

Thanks so much for your kind words and helpful advice. It has made me feel better.

[dalai_lala]

It's much better to come here and vent your frustrations than to go to the fridge and vent them there. We're here all the time!

-Lala

[Misti in Seattle]

I understand! And when I was younger I had the same problem and would never say "no" to anyone. But there does come a time when you have to learn to say no. Your friends probably don't really realize how much stress they are putting on you, especially if you come across as if you don't mind. Next time, just be firm and say so when you are unable to accommodate them. It gets easier with practice!

[almostheaven]

If you think that you just can't turn people away who need help and that others are more important than yourself, try looking at it this way...

Explain to them that when you're not at your best, you're of no use to them. You need YOUR rest, and YOUR time to study, else you won't be any good at helping them with their questions when you don't know the answers yourself, or when you're going on so little sleep that you make mistakes. This way, perhaps you'll feel that by turning them down you're actually helping them, instead of feeling bad about turning them down.