[ashory]

Well I was doin better then what I was thanks to some peopl at this site but now I'm screwed again!! Except this time it won't be over eating...My dad just told me I'm not allowed to eat anything he or my step mum pays for from now on and I don't get much money even working 3 jobs so he's basically decided that I'll have to pretty much starve myself... And no it's not some little thing he's joking about it's already been going on for a bit and I used up the last bit of money I had to buy the food I've been eating but as always I've run out of money. The whole reson he is doing it is because apparently i don't do enough around the house....I only clean the bathroom wash the floors, wash the dishes and cook for everyone at 17 aswell as have three jobs and trying to finish my last year of high school....I know it's not all that much but I think it's enough he also complains when I can't stay home to look after my 11 year old brother because I have to go to one of my jobs that he makes me get WHAt is the deal?? and how the **** am I supposed stick to a safe diet if I can't eat??

[Fat in Hong Kong]

Oh my God, you poor kid, I really feel for you! I don't know what your relationship with your father and step mother is normally like, but I'd say what he's doing right now would be classed as abuse! Does your step mother have the same attitude, do you have a good relationship with her? Do you not have a family member or close friend you can confide in? It's obvious that you can't go on living like this, you really do need to get help somehow. I wished that I had the right answer for you. Hope you can work things out

[NemesisClaws]

first of all, if you have 3 jobs, where does all of your money go to? do your parents keep your paycheck? Try to budget that more in line with your goals. Secondly, what your father doing is wrong. That's nothing short of child abuse there, and you are living under his roof. If he honestly follows through with this, talk with someone about it that can help you at home!

[AquaChick]

He is wrong. No doubt about it.

But, if I were in your shoes I would very carefully watch my money and budget it for my own needs. At 17 I would save what I don't spend on food-- for my move at 18.

I really feel you. I had to get on my own when I was 17. My mother was abusive to me as a kid. I was probably the only teen on my graduation day that was - and had been- living in their own apartment. It isn't right, and it is a tough tough road. But, I got a roomate and learned to budget. Independance was better than being treated sub human by my own parent.

[Less of Lena]

Ashory, please try to talk to a counselor at school, or a teacher you get along with well. The situation you've described does not sound healthy to me and you need some support, dear.

At 17, your primary concern should be doing well at school and preparing for graduation and beyond. Your family should be supporting you, and it sounds like they aren't. You're holding down 3 jobs and doing a good share of the housework, as well as caring for a sibling when you can... what more can they ask of you?

I feel for you, sweetie and wish I could do more than just type a few words here on a screen. Please try to see if you can get some help at school.

[SherryA]

Well I'm a firm believer in the idea that there are two sides to every story. If you have 3 jobs, you must be making some money. Where does the money go?

I think you need to talk to your father. I think you need to be very calm, very reasonable, very respectful, and ask him for a time when you can sit down together and try to come to a meeting of the minds. Are you sassing him? Are you giving him a lot of attitude? Or are you treating him with respect?

Usually when you treat someone with respect, they treat you that way too. Talk to him, and try and come to a point where the two of you can work out something reasonable between the two of you. Obviously he is unhappy with you about some aspect of your life together. Find out what it is, and make steps to come to a more reasonable place between the two of you.

I'm not sure I believe in the "you poor kid" thing. Obviously that is what you may want people to say, but what is HIS side of the story? Fathers can become exasperated and say some stupid things they don't mean in response to stupid things their kids say that is disrespectful. I've been on both sides of the parent/teen wars, and I know that sometimes very unreasonable things come up in response to unreasonable things from the other side of the issue.

Try and act mature and responsible and respectful. Humble yourself, and talk to your dad. Try and find a way where you can see HIS side of things and also try and find a way to explain your side. Between the two of you, I'm sure you can work something out if you do it in a polite, kind and respectful way.

[LLV]

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your father is messed up in the head and needs some help.

[Less of Lena]

What worries and saddens me most about this is, regardless of exactly what was said or what may have started it, threatening to withhold food from a minor dependant child is going to cause emotional stress to that child. Certainly teens know how to push parents' buttons. Perhaps dad may have been at the end of his rope, for whatever reason, and may have uttered this threat out of sheer frustration, but parents have to realize how deeply their harsh words can hurt.

I'm the parent of a teen (son, in this case) and I can tell you, there have been days when he has made me absolutely nutso angry, but I'd never, ever think of even threatening to withhold food from him. Video games, yes, computer time, yes, social time, yes, but not food. Not even as an empty threat. That's over the line, I think.

That's why I hope, Ashory, that you'll try to talk with a counselor. Ideally, it'll be someone who knows both you and your dad (and stepmum), who can help you mediate this situation and get you all back on even keel. Maybe they can help dad figure out another way of expressing his frustration. And maybe they can help you figure out a way to limit the pushing of dad's buttons .

Good luck, sweetie.

[AquaChick]

I know there are two sides to every story. This is true... but...

sometimes parents aren't "normal". Normal in the sense that they do not care about their children they way they should. My mother is still wicked. This is why I live 200 miles away from her in my adult life. Less is more.

It is hard for some people to believe if they have never been in such an enviornment- especially as a child. I can understand this.

I'm sure a lot of adults never believed me when I told them I had to be on my own at that age, but what can I do? It didn't matter if they believed me or not, I had to get away from the abuse- so I did. At the same time the situation I was in stretched far beyond my mother not wanting me to eat her food, it was nuts being even in the same room with her... but we don't know the full extent of ashory's situation.

Anyways, I agree there are two sides, but being a person who was mentally abused by a parent, I am inclined to understand this sort of pain.

[ashory]

Ok SherryA first off EVERYONE who becomes a parent has experienced both the teen and parent aspcts of situations such as this so don't think you're special in that. I didn't come here to get the poor kid argument so you can ditch that idea aswell. I understand that you have been on both sides of the spectrim but don't for one second think you know what is going on in my life. Sure you are "only trying to help" but you didn't. I cam here for advice not sympathy as is suggested through the last question of my post. The rest was just background info that people would have asked for.

NO I haven't pushed my dad's buttons and I don't intend to anytime soon because I KNOW the implcations of doing that and I'm NOT stupid. My dad is not the kind of parent that you can talk to. As much as you'd like to believe that every parent is the perfect parent maybe you should open your eyes and realise some parents never wanted the child in the first place and for that reason treats them like crap. YES my dad did come to the end of his rope only because I had found away to get out of all of his other little tricks and food was his last chance to deprive me of anything.

My three jobs first off I'm 17 so i don't get paid as much as you probably suspect at the most I get 220 a week of which 50 my dad takes for rent and 100 he takes to put in a bank account to the side leaving me with 70 to keep my car running so i can get to school which is an hour and a bit away and clothe myself and buy other necessities. i would move you but that much money is not enough to live off here in Sydney and I'm not allowed to.

As for me being mature and respectful yes I am just not to people who like to assume things straight off the bat.

I could go on forever because when eople assume things about my situation it really drives me mad even if you "meant the best" try getting some facts first...but reality is it's 8.45pm and I have work in 15 minutes so I have to go.

To everyone else thanks for the suggestions...and not being such arses.

[brownsugah]

hey ashory... i totally understand where ur coming from too.. there may be two sides or whatever, but the bottom line is, i am suffering today from abuse that occurred years ago. and you are suffering right now, and theres no need for it. you are so young and its just not necessary. some people just dont understand the concept of life being messed up, and they just believe everything should be, and is, a certain way. the reality is that sometimes people lose control of themselves and take everything out on other people who may not deserve it.

[AquaChick]

Originally Posted by brownsugah

hey ashory... i totally understand where ur coming from too.. there may be two sides or whatever, but the bottom line is, i am suffering today from abuse that occurred years ago. and you are suffering right now, and theres no need for it. you are so young and its just not necessary. some people just dont understand the concept of life being messed up, and they just believe everything should be, and is, a certain way. the reality is that sometimes people lose control of themselves and take everything out on other people who may not deserve it.

I totally agree with what you have said here.