[Mummy_Tummy]

I think, over the last nearly three years now, I have been so focused on my physical body that I have almost lost sight of my spiritual self. First, there was the pregnancy from **** and I was so ill all of the time that I ended up in hospital dehydrated and malnourished because I couldn't keep anything down. Then there was the nightmarish labor of 20 hours before an emergency C-section. Thanks to that, I then battled anemia and extreme fatigue PLUS after two weeks of abnormal bleeding, I ended up back in the hospital for an emergency D&C to remove the bits of placenta the doctor had left inside of me and for treatment of an infection because of it. Then there was 19 months of breastfeeding, baby cuddling and depo jabs. Now, there is about 50 pounds of excess weight. I've observed Sabbats and Esbats, some with more enthusiasm than others, but my daily practice (meditation, writing in BoS, tarot, runes), all of that has fallen by the way. I feel completely out of touch with the astral.

I've also not had a period for nearly three years (pregnancy, nursing, Depo) and I wonder if that has messed up my attunement with the cycle of the Moon and the seasons, as well. I don't mean that any woman who has ceased having a period has this problem, just that mine has been "tampered" with because of the Depo; it's not ceased for a natural reason.

So I guess I'm just really missing feeling the heartbeat of the Universe, you know what I mean?

[mauvaisroux]

Totally! My situation is that I got so busy with other parts of my life that I lost my spiritual focus. I am slowly finding my way back by reading books on tarot, paganism and other spiritual type books as well as meditating.

I'm really glad we have this area to discuss stuff like this as most of my friends aren't into these things, my DH isn't and the only person I can talk to about this is my dad.

[coley144]

I know what you mean. Sometimes life gets in the way but I've found that the universe calls you back. I'm at a period now where (although I have kept up with my tarot because its my job!) I am feeling a real urge to start reading and learning again. I was clearing away some books over the weekend and realised I wanted to read them all! So its 'Liber Null and Psychonaut' for me this month as well as a book on sex magic! Never read them and always meant to. Then I'm reading 'Thin for life' so back to my physical body! Gotta have balance as you say!

[mauvaisroux]

Yep - one of my things to do for myself was read at least one book per month and so far between January and now I have managed 3 books

[PhatPhoenix]

Also know exactly how you're feeling! I know other pagan women who have experienced the same thing, too.

I could never read the cards, or do anything too spiritually demanding when pregnant or breastfeeding. Quite apart from the physical exhaustion, I noticed anything spiritual goes haywire, during those times! I think giving yourself a total break from time to time, is only right - it shows you're listening to your body, and tuned in.

And now you're clearly moving towards returning to your old interests so that's good too!

I've had a break from my spiritual life/studies since July when I decided to lose the 40lb I put on after my last baby. He was 3 in June, and I only just got round to it... One day I realised I'd spent all this time on my intellectual or spiritual development - all mind and spirit - but meanwhile my body had gone South! Sometimes, to integrate mind, body spirit longterm, we have to drop one or two and concentrate on what's important, short-term.

[StargazerJMK]

Originally Posted by mauvaisroux

Yep - one of my things to do for myself was read at least one book per month and so far between January and now I have managed 3 books

I just realized the other day its been 2 years since I actually sat down and read anything in the fiction catagory. I start a book, lose interest and go back to my "Other" books as my DH calls them. I've read as many books as I can get my hands on, and I have more than a few. I've been surprised to find what I'd taken for granted or forgotten.

[oh_surfr]

I too find life getting in the way of the spiritual. It always seems as though there's something else happening that can just easily pull you away from spiritual practice. My New Year's resolution this year wasn't one like "must get rid of extra weight" or "I'll read more" or "I'll start heading back toward being a vegetarian because I know it's better for me"...this year my new year's resolution was to simply improve. Improve all aspects of my life. With that, I felt it encompassed losing the weight, realigning myself spiritually, "finding myself" again, etc. All of those things encompassed into one goal seemed to be and easier way to look at it. Less pressure than having just one huge goal that I could watch myself fail on. The spiritual aspect of that "to improve" goal has been a big one for me. I find myself looking up at the moon and stars more often, but with a longing to commune with them again as opposed to the reverence I used to feel. I've felt detached, and the goal now is to get back to where I know I should be. Reading my cards, writing in my BoS, meditating, learning more about my crystals and stones, etc. It's hard to keep everything balanced, but I think that as pagan women, perhaps we understand the need for balance almost better than other people do.

[mauvaisroux]

oh_surfr - my thoughts exactly, that's why I started this thread after Yule instead of a New Years' resolution thread
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71308

So far I have been reading, banking with my mum and focusing more on my spirituality, singing out loud when I feel like it, and just started radin my "how to knit" book - go the needles and bought some wool

[coley144]

Talking of balance have any of you ever looked into chakras? I found that if I worked on having them all balanced I was very happy. They are like a great road map to remind you to concentrate on all aspects of you.

[Mummy_Tummy]

Actually, I could use a good chakra balancing meditation right now! I haven't done it in a long time. Here's one:

Here is an exercise to keep them cleanse the charkas. Necessary because think of that different energy floating around, all the bad energy you worked up in an argument or someone being horrible to you. All these things stay around you like metal attracted to a magnet.

Make sure you are relaxed, you can lie down or sit in a chair, then take some deep breaths. Gradually sink down where you are, imagine your feet feeling relaxed and limp. Imagine your legs doing the same, going up through your solar plexus and up to the base of your neck. Let it go down your arms into your hands and to the very tips of your fingers, then go back to the base of your neck, let your shoulders go all limp, then up to the top of your head, now you should feel totally relaxed.

Visualise roots coming out of your feet, let them go into the ground, visualise them going to the very source of the earth's energy. Visualise deep red energy and put your roots into it, then start drawing the energy up through your roots, like a tree does with water. Then visualise a bright golden light above you, breath the light into your lungs, like glittering air.

Draw both of these energies into your groin, which is your ROOT chakra point. Visualise a RED disc, you should be able to see if it is dirty. Let these energies wash over it like a wave against cliffs, washing the dirt away. When you feel that it is done move to your BELLY chakra, which is ORANGE, and repeat the process. Do the same to your solar plexus, which is YELLOW, then your HEART, which is GREEN, your THROAT, which is BLUE, then your THIRD-EYE which is VIOLET and lastly the CROWN which is a brilliant WHITE.

Now imagine your aura see it all around you feel it look at all the colours swirling around, and if you feel or see any junk or dirt floating around get the red and golden energy to flush it out never to come back again. When you have finished that visualise your roots drawing back into you, do not worry about the energy that is left inside you, either store it or send it into them world.

http://www.wyldwytch.com/weavings/ar...hakraclean.htm

[coley144]

My computer just crashed trashing my reply to this - I'll try again!

Another chakra meditation is to sit upright somewhere you feel comfortable (its great done outside). Imagine, as you breathe in, the energy of the earth coming up through your bottom then up your spine then out the top of your head. As you breathe out draw the energy from the sky in through your head, down your spine then out through your bottom. You end up feeling the energy of the universe just flowing through you.

Sometimes the energy sticks somewhere - say your throat - and you need to go and find out what chakra this is - in this case your communication chakra. Then you figure out what you need to communicate - do that - then why you try it again it should be open to the energy flowing through it.

Sometimes you fel a bit high after doing this meditation - either just enjoy it or get up and stamp your feet. It earths you.

Anyway its one I recommend. x

[SEARCHING4ME]

I think one of the things I love the most about Pagan people, is that no matter how different we are and how many differences there may be in what we believe, I find we have so much in common!!!

I am so glad to find that so many of us are imperfect and are willing to admit it.
I always feel so guilty and frustrated that I can't seem to make the time to read, or pray ect. And to know that I am not alone.....as they say...priceless!

I keep promising myself that I will read, or I will clear my alter and USE IT!!!

Everyday just seems to bring something along that buggers it all up! I mean here I am finally getting around to say hello to you all after I guess a month MIA....and there is a lovely full moon out there that I am ignoring.....and its also long past my beddy-by time too.

Well Tomarrow is another day right? At least this week I kept my workout promises to myself. Oh and my eating well promises were kept too. and I must say that although not as fast as I would like the scale did go in the right direction.

Well lovely ladies I wish you well in your attempts but remember....she is always with us....and always in our hearts....and that is what counts the most.

[mauvaisroux]

evilyn - nice to hear from you again

I think the thing to do is take one thing at a time. I had a huge "to do list" and just said to heck with it. If you try to do everything at once I find it is just overwhelming and then I feel guilty for not getting anything done.

So far I have been focusing on eating well and practicing by cooking with intention, saying little cooking spells or mantras while putting meals together and focusing on my kitchen - keeping it well stocked with fresh foods, I keep a small altar on the windowsill that includes green plants and positive items and I've been blessing the kitchen while cleaning it.

Small steps -once I have developed this routine I will add another room to it. I would also like to a do a spring cleansing of my house. Although today spring seems far off as it is snowing