Started out well posting my food on the Buddy thread the other week. Then PMS reared its ugly head and aggrevated her friend named Depression. So I ate alot of chocolate and other sweet stuff along with just alot of food in general. As it is time to schedule my yearly check up, I will do that soon and make an effort NOT to chicken out this time and actually mention the issues with depression and ask for help with it. Each year I want to talk to my doc about it but I chicken out. I keep fooling myself into thinking my problem isn't that bad. But it is; I feel depressed 98% of the time but it only gets worse when I'm premenstral.
Generally, I would stay in bed ALL DAY if guilt and having to take care of my kids didn't drag me out of bed. I can't remember the last time I was happy to wake up. For as long as I can remember, I long to just go back to sleep the moment I realise I'm awake again.
And when DH is home, I do stay in bed, as long as possible, and let him take care of the kids. Alot of times, when I do get out of bed and see the shambles my house is in, (DH is doing a share of the housework now but just not very good at it), I just want to crawl back into bed. I just don't see the point in attempting to clean my house. I feel that way about alot of things;
I. Don't. See. The. Point.
I know DH gets annoyed with me for sleeping in so then he has to get up nearly every morning and see the girls to the school bus. We fight about it every so often. I feel guilty and know I'm behaving like the worst mommy. Between sleeping and my two jobs I see extremely little of my kids and it has been really bothering me lately. DH will be done with school at the end of January and when he find a job I'll go down to one job. I feel so stressed out and have been eating to cope.
I believe if it weren't for Tae Kwon Do and running, I would be much worse emotionally and would have gained back a bunch of the weight I have lost. So far I have been maintaining and that gives me some comfort. I have read that daily moderate exercise is good for relieving depression, but I get daily moderate exercise, and then some, but it just isn't helping.
Good for you for taking the iniative to at least know you need to ask for help. There is no shame in talking to your doc about it. That is what he/she is there for. I know I felt just like you did during many parts of last year. I hope that you can find the relief you need.
Big hugs to you. Depression sucks. My mother had it all through my childhood and still has bad bouts. Then my sister had it. I couldn't relate at all, until bang, my turn. I have serious bouts on and off (two almost hospital admissions but ended up being treated as an outpatient as the psychiatric registrar thought I would be more of a suicide risk in hospital)
Since I have been eating well and exercising I have been a lot better, but I still feel the dark cloud at the periphery of my being, if that makes sense.
Reach out and get some help, life isn't meant to feel like this all the time, and you deserve better than this. Keep talking to us about it, we're all here for you.
Laura,
I'm sorry to hear you are going thru a rough time!!! Depression can be so overwhelming and life consuming. I wonder about myself often..as far as depression goes. I too have been sleeping a lot...and I mean a lot! I think a lot of my depression is related to chronic pain. I have endometriosis and I have pain most of the time from it...especially during ovulation and TOM...(horrible pain during these times). I think I'm sick of hurting and knowing that the bad pain will be back the next month. We don't have any children yet and have tried off and on in the past with no success so far. When I'm having pain....sleeping and avoiding the world are my best coping mechanisms.
I think overall, I'm doing better with the depression since losing some weight. I have more energy to get up and exercise,etc. I know that things still suffer around here though...our house is like a pig sty most of the time...uggggh.
Anyways...just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I would definately bring this up to your doctor..like Linda said..there are many options out there for you. Depression is not a taboo thing...many, many people have it. Good luck to you and let us know how you are doing...we are all here for ya.
hugs,
Olivia
Thanks everyone.
I'm tired of feeling guilty and worthless and want to be a involved fun mom unlike the grumpy tired mom who just wants to be left alone.
Won't be able to get into my doctor until February though.
BELIEVE ME...You will feel better after you speak to your doctor. I had anxiety for a long time before I spoke to my doctor. Once I started to speak, I could feel the bricks falling off my shoulders. After, I wanted to kick myself for not having more faith in him.
It won't go away, and life is too short. Were here for you *HUGS*
PMS + Depression = Too Much Chocolate
