Quote:
Originally Posted by Nalynn
I almost feel like we're a normal family as long as my son stays skinny (I can't believe I just admitted that).
So tell me, how is my son not going to have food issues if I'm already worried about his weight????????
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I think it's really healthy for you to acknowledge your feelings, Nalynn. Your son being skinny at a time when you control what he eats would (right or wrong) naturally feel like a reflection on your parenting skills. And with society being largely judgmental, you're not off the mark by thinking you and your husband would likely be viewed more harshly by some for having an overweight child than a thin family. And it's great that you're concerned about sparing your son from your own worries about food.
In reading all of the other replies and thinking about my own experiences, here's my untested theory for not passing on food issues: Teach by consistent, positive example. If your son sees you and your husband living a healthy lifestyle and having a good relationship with food then it will feel normal to him to copy you. Just as it will feel normal for him to mimic your food issues and bad habits if that's what he sees.
While all we had were healthy things to eat in the house, my family's relationship with food was (and still is) really unhealthy and obsessive. There was a lot of discussion of foods being off limits, fears of weight gain (my mom's fear I would take after her, my dad's similar fear, his resentment of my mom when I began to, and his frustration with me for not taking after him), shock and disapproval when I started to gain weight, the disposal of my school pictures year after year because I looked fat, the constant inspection/judgment of everything I ate, the "do as I say, not as I do" approach my mom had towards healthy living. I could go on, but I'll spare you!
If I ever have children, I want to be a good example for them and teach them how to make positive choices, but I don't know that I'd have foods be off limits. It just becomes "forbidden fruit". I'd want to exercise as a whole family, but make it just part of playing together and having fun. And any conversations about food and weight would have a positive approach rather than a negative or punishing one. I think my top goals would be to avoid making food an emotionally charged issue for them and avoid making their weight, whatever it may be, a condition for my acceptance.
I believe my parents acted out of love and wanted me to be healthy and happy. They didn't want me to suffer. I guess we can only learn from our experiences and try to do better if/when faced with the same situations. Thanks for bringing this topic up, Nalynn!