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Old 11-15-2006, 01:14 PM   #1
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Default Looking good

Tonight my hubby & I are going out for dinner for my bday. So I decided to dress up a little bit. But you know instead of feeling good I feel worse. I feel conspicious & like I look like I am trying too hard. This is not the first time I have felt this way. It's like I'm more comfortable looking sloppy & unstylish so that others won't notice me.

Does anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions?
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Old 11-15-2006, 01:20 PM   #2
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Hmmnnn....Find the most figure flattering outfit you have and wear that.
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Old 11-15-2006, 01:31 PM   #3
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Maybe you just need to go look in your closet and find a BETTER dressy outfit for tonight. I know that sometimes the idea that is in my head of how I look in a certain outfit is NOT the way I really look. I get disappointed, and instead of beating myself up about it, the answer is simply to change clothes!

Be proud of your weight loss! Don't cover up more than you need to unless it's cold tonight! I watch "How Do I Look?" and a number of makeover shows, and the stylists usually tell the people that covering up doesn't really help and often makes a person look even larger! I'm finding this to be very true myself!

Go look in your closet, and let us know how things go!

Have a great time tonight!

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Old 11-15-2006, 02:31 PM   #4
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Just remember we're our own worst critics. We are much harsher on ourselves then other people are on us. You should be incredibly proud of your accomplishments. Now go get an outfit on and smile and have a great time out with your hubby. And have a happy birthday!!
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Old 11-15-2006, 02:52 PM   #5
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Happy Birthday!!

Do you have a really trusted, fashion-concious female (or male) friend? Try on the outfit for them, and get their honest, uncensored opinion. I use my mom; she has great fashion sense and will honestly tell me when something looks great or like poo. She'll encourage me to wear things that I don't think a "fat girl should wear," that in my head make me look like 2 pounds of sausage in a 1 pound casing. But it's ALL IN MY HEAD!! In reality I may look awesome.

I tend to frump/sloppy it up when I'm feeling bad about myself/my body, and for me, this is a vicious circle. I feel ugly -> I dress ugly -> I feel uglier. You get the point.

To solve this problem, I've had to revamp my wardrobe. I get to wear sweats when I'm working out, sleeping, and on my one day off a week. The rest of the time, I dress up. Not too dressy, but nice jeans/khakis/skirt with a nicer top (usually fitted). My big T-shirts, once an almost daily wear have been banished to my workout/sleep drawer. I choose things that are still comfortable, but are also pretty and sexy. For me, it's helped a lot.

Quote:
It's like I'm more comfortable looking sloppy & unstylish so that others won't notice me.
IMHO, when you dress sloppy and unstylish, you draw more attention to yourself. And not the good kind either!
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Old 11-15-2006, 03:49 PM   #6
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I know what you mean about looking dressy and the dressy ends up looking "forced". I have found that when my outfit looks like that, i am trying to dress in something is "not me". Try to fill your wardrome with clothes that are more "you". Maybe it is something as simple as shoes. I am 5' 11" so i feel like an amazon woman in hills so i have a hard time finding shoes that are feminine that arent hills. Also, i have small boobs and a wide waist...try finding a dress that flatters that figure, ha ha. So i tend to go with dress pants and a nice blouse, this also works well with the flats i wear. So just go to a store with a good HONEST girlfriend and try on a BUNCH of different styles...not just different clothes, but find out what style, as my honest sister says, "works" for you.
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Old 11-15-2006, 05:15 PM   #7
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Lifeguard,
I hear ya! interestingly, one of the patterns I've noticed of the many times I have fallen off the wagon has happened when I've started to get a lot of attention.
For me there are 2 parts to this neurosis (for me it's neurosis)
1) I feel safer fat because it's an excuse to fail; sociallly, in my career and personally.
2) I was told for so long that I woudn't achieve certain goals unless I lost the weight; the rebel in me says screw that and biligerently put the weight back on.
It's scary to be perceived in a new way and since we're creatures of habit, we don't like not knowing how we're perceived anymore.
Remember that you're beautiful in every form, and always be true to yourself. That means finding clothes that allow you to be you.
I totally feel phony dressed up because I don't want to be judged....just concentrate on how your partner looks at you...they're all that matters.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!
Be proud of yourself, you're doing great!!!!

Cheers
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Old 11-15-2006, 07:35 PM   #8
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I hear you!! Leaving my "uniform" of non-descript clothes that covers everything makes me feel very exposed. But that's just insecurity. I agree with the idea of a trusted person giving you their two cents. We shouldn't need outside affirmation, but sometimes it helps. Remember that this whole journey is about breaking out of your old mold and creating a new you. Try to have fun with it! You're worth the extra effort!
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Old 11-15-2006, 08:00 PM   #9
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Thank-you everyone for your support.

[quote=tqvirgo;14732b
1) I feel safer fat because it's an excuse to fail; sociallly, in my career and personally.[/QUOTE]

You hit the nail on the head here.
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Old 11-15-2006, 09:04 PM   #10
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Happy Birthday to you. Hope you had a nice evening out and that you were able to find an outfit that you were comfortable with, but that you felt you looked good in.
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Old 11-16-2006, 02:19 PM   #11
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Hey

I wrote a huge response to you yesterday, but since we were in the middle of the rain/wind storm of the century...my power went out just before I went to hit "post"

I just wanted to say that I REALLY know where you're coming from on this one. For the past three months or so, I've faithfully worn my huge jeans, huge t-shirt all covered up by my HUGE gray hoodie. I look like a big fat elephant (no offense to elephants!) I guess it's my way of hiding.
When I dress up (lately) I feel like a big failure and a phony. But my reason is because I've gained my weight back TWICE!!!
You are succeeding, and doing great!
I hope you found something you were comfortable wearing..and that you had a FANTASTIC birthday!!!


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Old 11-16-2006, 04:24 PM   #12
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Thank-you Linda. Lol - we got the rain today!
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Old 11-16-2006, 09:42 PM   #13
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We've had lots of rain here too!

I wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Wear whatever you feel comfortable in - both physically and what tailors to your sense of self and self-esteem, and then decorate yourself with a beautiful smile and radiant attitude!
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