Hi everyone,
I could really use your experiences and advice. I am very embarrassed to admit this, and I know it is extremely dangerous, but I am horribly afraid of going to see the doctor. It's been like 15 years since I've been to anyone other than the dentist. I know. I can't believe it even as I typed that number. Most of it has to do with my weight and shame about my body. What if the gown doesn't fit? What if they yell at me for my weight or for not seeing a doctor? The humiliation of a stranger seeing me naked makes me break out in a cold sweat. What if they find something terrible wrong with me? It's not at all logical-- something could be wrong with me whether they find it or not, but my heart is pounding just thinking about it. I probably have high blood pressure or type 2 diabetes and (I strongly suspect, PCOS) or something. And you'd think that would be enough to force me to get checked. Instead it makes me not want to go all the more, which makes no sense whatsoever.
I cry whenever I think about making an appointment. I went to a psychologist about low-self esteem and depression and she told me to go get anti-depressants. When I told her I had a huge phobia about going to the doctor (hoping she could offer some help), she literally rolled her eyes at me, told me to get over it because I was being irrational, and said I had to make an appointment before we met the next week. I never went back.
Obviously, I don't have a doctor, but I know I need to try. So here are some of my questions I'd be really interested in your input on:
1) Do you worry about going to the doctor with your obesity? Are they kind to you? How do they address your weight issues?
2) Have you had bad doctor experiences and how did you deal with it?
3) What kind of doctor would you suggest I look for (I feel really stupid for not knowing), an internist? family practice? general practioner? I don't really know what the difference is.
4) Are there doctors out there that specialize in obese patients who won't push weight-loss surgery? I've tried to do some research on the internet, but most obesity doctors I found seem to focus on gastric bypass, which is not the direction I want to go.
Thanks in advance. It feels better just letting my secret out of the bag.