I OFFICIALLY want this whole weight loss thing to be over and done with and to be in maintainence already!!!
I am just so TIRED of it all! I have been obsessing about diet and exercise for the past 25 freakin' months and I figure if I can just lose about another 20lbs I would be happy and could settle.
But it is all just like this neverending odessey and since my body is constantly in flux I never have a permanent wardrobe or am able to afford to build one up and I am so CONFUSED with my body. My head literally cannot get a concept of how big/little my body is. I see pants and other clothes and am like NO WAY will those fit me-- and they do.
If I read a post like this a couple years ago I would have just rolled my eyes and said to myself, purlease girl, you are thin already be happy where you are, 20lbs is nothing.
But, now I realize that these last 20lbs are HUGE, the biggest yet and overcoming them is like an insurmountable hurdle.
I also still view myself as fat, and while I am still officially overweight, I am nowhere near as big as I once was. I just don't feel it. I even find myself visiting plus size stores online because I still feel that pull.
It's weird. I think that there is almost a sub-culture of being overweight and I feel like I am trying to transition into a strange new world that is scary--------and I am having trouble fitting in and feeling a part of it.
Sorry for the rant............. Really this is all about my poor body issues and the feeling like "if I can just lose 20lb everything will be better." But it probably won't all magically be better. And though I'll lose those 20lbs eventually, I still know that I need to accept me as I am now, saggy boobs and all.