I've been holding rather steady at 50-60 pounds lost for the past eight months, and am trying to get the steam up to work on the next 50. As I'm looking at my habits and why/when I eat, I've realized that I think I self-medicate with food. Am I the only one?
I have PCOS, and it's highly likely that I'm insulin resistant. ****, chances are pretty darn good that I'll end up diabetic before long. I've known this for years. The PCOS is why it took us so long to have Gem, and why she'll probably be our only child.
I get SEVERE mood swings when I'm hungry. Not just run-of-the-mill grumpy. I used to think it was the same irritability everyone gets, but I am beginning to think it's not. My family actually has to make allowances for "Mama hasn't eaten yet" just like we have to for "Daddy has a headache" (Hunter gets migraines that put him right out of circulation). And it happens regularly... like every night after work if I haven't had a 3-4 o'clock snack.
I get sharp and lose all patience for anything -- husband, chores, child, pets, you name it. If it doesn't fit my idea for the moment, I get irritated. I can feel myself tightening inside, getting stressed, and can't do anything about it. I try deep breathing. I try holding my tongue. I try distancing myself from the irritating situation. Nothing helps.
I eat, and within 15 minutes I "feel human" again. It's like night and day. And as I have been analyzing my habits, I find that I eat pretty constantly... not because I'm hungry or because I'm lonely or bored or stressed or upset... it's not emotional eating. I eat because it literally makes me feel better.
Some things help. Protein, whole grains, lots of fruit/veggies. Normal healthy eating. But limiting my calories to a level where I can lose weight, even slowly (for me, about 1600-1800 a day) just doesn't seem to be enough to keep me from becoming a monster to the people I love.
So I feel like I'm torn between being an unhealthy obese weight, slowly killing myself with food, or being a ***** on wheels, living in a self-created ****, and taking those I love with me.
*sighs, only realizing now that tears are running down my cheeks how much this has been bothering me*
There's GOT to be a middle ground.