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Urgh... Husbands...

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Old 07-24-2006, 01:53 PM   #1
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Default Urgh... Husbands...

Husbands just sometimes really don't get it....

Saturday, we went to the Ashley Furniture store to look at the different kinds of entertainment centers available (no luck, we want something smaller)... of course they have MIRRORS all over the place - in bedroom sets, hanging mirrors, ones on stands, etc... You can't walk through the place without seeing yourself in a mirror.
Well, we had only been in there maybe 5 minutes or so, and walked past a really huge hanging mirror, that was on the floor propped against something else. I caught I glimpse of myself and just stopped and looked. I was in awe of how much weight I had lost!!! This was the first time I have looked in the mirror and actually saw myself as smaller. This is a HUGE breakthrough for me; this is what I've needed to help keep me going - it really broke the saddness I have had for the past month.
My husband noticed I wasn't following him and turned around to see me staring at my reflection. His reaction was basically "what's wrong with you," "we have mirrors at home," and just general annoyance. So I continued on, although I wanted to linger (and yes, it is weird to stare at yourself in a public place, but I didn't care because I knew why I was). I told him that this was the first time I noticed that I've lost weight. I walked past another mirror and wanted to linger, and he got MAD! He acted all disgusted and said that it wasn't necessary....
Yesterday, I told him that I didn't know what his problem was with looking in the mirror at the furniture store... I said that he KNEW I wasn't a vain person, so it wasn't like I was just stopping to stare just because. He said it seemed like it. And I told him that he misinterpreted what he was seeing, because I'm not vain, and am not likely to become so. I explained that this was a major thing for me, especially for my self-image and motivation, and that I didn't appreciate how he responded and his lack of understanding.

AHHH.... most of the time he does well supporting me, but this was obviously not one of them... it is just frustrating - he can't understand this and probably never will because I'm sure he'll never be in this position.
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Old 07-24-2006, 02:31 PM   #2
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Amanda -

Congrats to you for your success so far. Sorry your hubby wasn't supportive. Is it possible he felt/feels threatened? Like possibly your focus is (and needs to be, to get the job done) on your weight loss and, more to the point, yourself right now, which means he may be getting less attention?

Enjoy the new you - don't let anyone take that away from you.
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Old 07-24-2006, 02:32 PM   #3
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It's just one of those things, I guess...

Since he's normally supportive of you, be grateful for that. He just may not understand this part of it. Celebrate it nonetheless. 30 pounds! That's fantastic. Use what you saw as your motivation to keep going.
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Old 07-24-2006, 02:42 PM   #4
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I would agree that he may be feeling like the focus is on you instead of him and he may not have been comfortable with that.

I stare at myself in mirrors as well. The other day, I noticed my sides have thinned out a bit. I looked at myself and said "when did that happen?". Very strange although I think the huge difference you will see is probably in pics of yourself.

My BF told me this morning he weighs 142... I feed him, I cut back on food, he loses weight and I'm thinking to myself "hey what about me?" I have to admit I'm a little jealous because I'm the one that should be losing weight but I am glad to know that I am also helping him.
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Old 07-24-2006, 03:40 PM   #5
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Yeah I know that feeling. My DH and I started on this weight loss journey together. He seems to not care anymore. I am getting us to eat better at home, ie all the meals that I cook. I will send him something for work and he will just decide to go to the all you can eat pizza buffett for lunch or to get a hamburger and fries. arghhh!!! I sent him to the grocery store the other day and he comes home with a BAG of CHIPS! Does he not understand that I still can not have this stuff in the house?

He is normally a very supportive DH, although he does not care that I have weight on in the least (which sometimes I wish he would to give me a little motivation) But lately his bad eating is getting on my nerves. I try so hard and he can just eat what he feels like.

Amanda congrats on the 30 lbs lost so far and I am sure DH will get better when he realizes how important it is for you to see yourself in the mirror.

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Old 07-24-2006, 06:22 PM   #6
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My husband would have done the same thing, but for a different reason. When we go shopping, he HATES that I meander - he wants to make a beeline for the things we were interested in. He hates that he can turn around and I'll be isles behind, looking at something that has caught my eye.

You would think we were on a hunting expedition, and had to make camp by nightfall (and stragglers might get eaten by a big predator).
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Old 07-24-2006, 09:09 PM   #7
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lol Kaplads. Husbands are a funny bunch, aren't they?

About a week ago or so ago, my husband decided to "help" me by having dinner ready for me when I got home. He can't cook so he had to pick something up. What did he pick up? A veggie pizza. He thought it was a good idea because the vegetables were healthy. He tried...

When it comes down to it, I think there are just certain things that men don't get. They don't understand how emotional weightloss is for us. Especially since it's not always that way for them. It's just matter of fact. When my husband decides he needs to lose weight, he cuts his beer consumption in half, stops eating past 7, cuts out second helpings and plays basketball a few times a week. No special food plan. A month later he's about 15 pounds lighter and it's no big deal to him. Men are strange, strange animals...
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Old 07-25-2006, 08:59 AM   #8
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I can't pass a mirror without sneaking a glimpse. Every morning when I walk the dog I pass through an office complex with those reflecting windows. Over the last 3 months I have noticed a pretty dramatic change in my side view... I think its normal and perfectly healthy. Husbands just don't get it, many times they are happy with the way things are.
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Old 07-25-2006, 09:24 AM   #9
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You should take all the time you need to gaze at that new figure emerging in those mirrors that we all used to avoid like the plague. (well, I still do avoid any mirror at all costs.) I am excited that you can finally see a change and hope that continues your motivation.

My husband gripe goes: Here this very morning, my husband pointed out that he gained a couple pounds back after a weekend of really bad eating. He stated that he was back up to 223 after being 221. Now, we started at approx. the same weight of 230, except I requested he give me a head start because I just knew he would catch up quickly. I began 3 months ago, he didn't start until 1.5 months ago. He is almost ready to pass me in the total loss and it is completely obvious that he has lost weight, unlike me. I knew that it would totally discourage me. (He is 6'5 and I am 5'2) I have been lamenting my meager 15 lb loss after 6 days of cardio, 3 days of weights and total control of calories for 3 months and here he comes along with almost 10 lbs in 6 weeks by barely breaking a sweat and virtually no change in diet.

Then I feel guilty because I should be celebrating his triumph and healthiness. I know he can't help it if I am a slow (trying not to be sore!) loser.

Grrrr
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