I've been lurking here for the last few weeks, and have just started posting here and there. I am a 30 year old SAHM in Canada, and I have 117 pounds to lose.
I've been overweight since my early teens - the honest truth is that I don't even know who I am if I'm not overweight, as it's really the only way I remember myself. I've just started to realize that this has likely been part of the reason why I've struggled so much with losing weight - I think I'm afraid of losing part of my identity, as crazy and dumb as that may sound. Does that make sense to anyone? I just have some fear surrounding the unknown....what will I look like? What will I feel like? How will people treat me? What will people say? How the heck DO you shop in a "regular" store, anyways??
Lots of thoughts, lots of fears.
I'm realizing, though, that I can't let those fears hold me back and keep me down. I can't stand how I look right now, and hate how I feel. I'm tired, lethargic, and headachey so much of the time...this just isn't the way to live. Recently, I've had a couple of episodes with a "fluttery heart" that had me scared stiff.....nothing ever came from it, but it was enough to make my blood run cold as I found myself praying that I hadn't wasted too much time, waited too long to make important healthy changes.
I feel trepidation starting again as I've been here before. I'm so GREAT at losing weight in my daydreams!!! The reality is that the day to day struggle is hard, and I'm so afraid of failing again
I keep trying to tell myself that all my previous attempts have allowed me to learn so much about myself - what works and what doesn't, what I enjoy and what I don't, that I'm better equipped to do this now than ever before. I certainly hope so, anyways.
What I've learned is that simple is best for me. I found Fitday PC, and really like it - tracking my food and calories, as well as nutrients, is fun and motivating with this program. So, I'm basically a calorie counter now. I'm so over "diets" and "programs"....it's finally sunk in for me that it's all about calories in, calories out, and that I don't need to pay someone to tell me what to do (not knocking anyone on a program - different strokes for different folks! It's just not for me anymore, that's all). I learned that I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of processed foods...and don't feel good about myself when I know that all I'm eating are "empty" foods, so I now eat mostly whole foods...a lot of them organic, but that's in large part due to my son's health. Meals have gone from elaborate, multi-ingredient casseroles to simpler fare - grilled chicken, potatoes, salad and vegetables. I feel better eating this way, and it's making my life in the kitchen so much easier, too!!
Activity is one area I'm still working on - I do have a treadmill and have decided that my goal for next week is to do 20-30 minutes just 3x a week. I know that's a realistic goal (heck, I gave birth - I should be able to manage 20 minutes on a treadmill!
), and I'll plan to build on it after a little while.
My DH needs to lose about 65 pounds as well, and is incredibly busy with work so is a bit dependent on me to help him right now. I'm kind of taking charge of things for both of us, since I do all the cooking anyways! It does add a little bit more pressure, but I'm working on understanding that while I can take care of the food, the rest HAS to be up to him.
I know what I need to do, and am ready to do it. It's still so hard sometimes, though - the road ahead seems insurmountable sometimes!! I'm really just trying to focus on 5 pound goals - surely I can lose 5 pounds, right? I'll worry about the next 5 after that, and on and on and on....and on
Anyways - I just wanted you all to know that reading here everyday has been motivating for me, and I've had such a longing to participate and be a part of such a supportive place. Telling you a little bit about me seemed to be a good place to start!