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Old 05-26-2006, 02:09 PM   #1
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Hi All,

I've been away for the last little while and I wish it were because I was off doing something wonderful and exciting, but the truth is I've been floundering it in the last couple of weeks. It seems like I got rid of the weight I gained on vacation at the beginning of the month and then I just didn't care. I haven't exercised in over 10 days and my eating has been all over the board. I've managed to stay the same weight but if I keep going like this, Lord only knows where I'll end up. I've been staying away from 3FC as a result but I need to get back into coming around every day.

I'm very disappointed in myself because I'm so close to my goal but I just can't seem to get my mind into gear to do anything about it. My self esteem is starting to fade and my bad body image is returning. I'm frightened to death that I'm going to wake up one morning and all of the weight I lost is going to reappear - but when I weigh myself and I haven't gained anything I give myself a free-for-all. I'm rewarding myself for not gaining weight with poor behaviour and choices. What kind of reward is that? And why am I rewarding myself at all? I feel like I'm spinning out of control. One minute I feel guilty and the next I think well it's just 17 more pounds to go, that's nothing. To tell the truth, I'm more anxious about these last few pounds than the first 75.

I'm devoting this weekend to lots of exercise and outdoor activity to help refocus and maybe jumpstart myself back to where it needs to be. I have to recommit to this. I have to do it.

Thanks for letting me vent everyone.

~Dee
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Old 05-26-2006, 02:20 PM   #2
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Sometimes I think when you let your guard down, even a little bit, like you probably did when you went on your trip, it is very easy to keep that mindset afterwards. I have done this in the past and I went on a cruise back in 2003 and did the very same thing. I had lost some weight before I went (it was kind of a goal that I had set for myself) and I gained a little while I was on the cruise but not too bad. Then when I got home, it was like 'it was more fun not being so strict on the trip so let's continue to do that' and the weight piled back on in no time flat.

I guess maybe it would be a good idea to get out some pictures of yourself when you were at your heaviest and spend some time thinking about how far you have come and how much work it has been and maybe your mind will click and decide that you need to get back to doing what you've been doing to lose the weight. I have long talks with myself sometimes and it is a constant struggle, every single day and I know that it will be for the rest of my life. I think the closer you get to goal (especially someone who has done what you have done) to get more complacent and think 'hey, I'm looking pretty good here so I can slack off'.

You can do this and I think it was good that you got back on here to post your feelings and we can all help get you back into the proper mindset.

Hang in there - - -

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Old 05-26-2006, 02:40 PM   #3
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Dee...listen to me, beautiful!

I did gain back most of my 40 pound loss and I know you don't want to do that

When I was at my lowest (187) I really had a hard time telling, by the feel of my body, that I had lost all that much.
But now that it's partially back, I can truly feel every roll of fat that has returned, which I never really noticed the absence of before. I can feel that my hipbones are no longer so easy to feel...that my stomach bulges upward slightly when I lay on my back, when it had been flat at my lowest. I can see the little extra bit of chin again..

It's not fun, not good...and I don't want you to appreciate what you accomplished by seeing it the way I do, looking back at my success from the WRONG side.

I'm on my way back down now...I hit my click last Thursday night, I've lost 6.2 pounds this week. I know I can do this again, but I wish I didn't have to re-lose so many pounds (26 to get back where I was).

You have REALLY been there for me these past months when things were so tough for me. You encouraged me...told me you knew I could do this, and that you were so proud of me.

I want you to know now, how proud I am of YOU. I KNOW you can do this...and I am here whenever you need me, for whatever reason, anytime...anywhere.

You are so close....and I am awed by what you have accomplished.

All my love,

Linda
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:07 PM   #4
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I'm glad you came back here and didn't stay away. You have done wonderfully so far ~ you can do it again.

I was speaking to my mom of similar things this morning. Discouraged with myself ~ it is like three steps forward and ten steps back. I was sharing with her ~ why is it that when I think I deserve a treat for ________ (fill in the blank) why do I always think in terms of food. How stupid of me ~ this isn't treating myself ~ it is harming me. I hope I get it right someday.

You are not alone.
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:25 PM   #5
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Dee, I have already sent you a PM, but I will say it here as well. You can do this. Look how far you have come already! If you need further proof, look at your before and after pictures. (here comes some tough love). Okay, so you were all over the place in the last two weeks and you maintained. Good. Done. Now, it is time to knuckle down and get back to basics . It ain't over yet. You know what you need to do. Not to break copywrite but Just Do It!

Now, don't feel like you have let us or anyone else (including yourself) down. We all have our slips. That is life and shiz happens. I know you can do it and I am here to support you.
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:16 PM   #6
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I'm confident you will recommit yourself, you sound determined. In an effort to get and stay commited to fitness and weight loss, you really do have to keep changing things up.. my next thing is to do a Cardio Boot Count! It's sounds crazy, but challenging, which is somehow fun to me! It just changes my focus, from strictly weight loss, to something else.. which I know really works for me. You know what works for you.. you just need to find it again! And you will.. this is just one little moment of weakness, and it'll pass. BTW - you look HAWT in your picture!!

-AImee
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:49 PM   #7
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Dee, I'm glad you came back. You've identified your feelings, which is sometimes half the battle in starting to move forward. You haven't gained, you look fabulous in your picture, and you know what you need to do to get where you want to be. There's no reason for you to feel like you're out of control, because I know you're going to get back on track this weekend.

I do know how you feel. Since I got to my 100lb lost mark I just haven't felt like I've got the same urgency or motivation, and I start snacking more and more, thinking that as long as I don't gain weight back I can just defer knuckling back down to it for another day or another week. I decided to recommit earlier this week (and then got sidetracked by a horrible 18 hour day at work complete with crisps and cakes), and have spent the evening planning the next week to make sure I don't get sidetracked again.

You've come so far, there's no reason why you can't do this. If you want to talk, PM me.
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Old 05-26-2006, 06:02 PM   #8
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The Maintainers area has a thread called (wait for it)

Why do I sabotage myself in the home stretch??

I printed some of them out for use when I get there


Sue
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Old 05-27-2006, 01:20 AM   #9
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I don't have anything really to add besides my support!
You are doing so well and just look at that cutie in your avatar! I know you'll be back on track by the time you read this.
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Old 05-27-2006, 02:02 PM   #10
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Hi Dee, I have watched your ticker go down down down! You know the right actions and you have the discipline. I am sorry that you are struggling. I wish it was always...simple, maybe is the word I want. I think you hit the nail on the head with how you have been not posting much. For me, when I am off plan, I avoid the scale. I am such an ostrich! If I don't see it, it doesn't exist. Post the good, the bad, and the ugly. Support is crucial.
My best,
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Old 05-27-2006, 05:38 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KristasMom
The Maintainers area has a thread called (wait for it)

Why do I sabotage myself in the home stretch??

I printed some of them out for use when I get there


Sue
did you sabotage yourself in the home stretch??

Great minds think alike, I went looking for it as soon as I read Dee's post!

The head stuff is so hard to figure out, and our inner fat chick is there waiting to mock us whenever our guard is down. "look at you eating chocolate/crips/pie, what made you ever think you could lose weight and keep it off. You'll be huge again in no time"

The hard reality is that what made us fat is still there. That mindset, the old behaviours. It's not your fault, your not weak, it's just the truth.

You're already there in taking back what is yours. Success is yours, you already have it, and you can get the rest of the way.

Go and lurk or even better, post in maintainers. A lot of people go there when they have 20 lbs to lose or so.

I wish there was a way that this didn't have to be a life long battle for you, but unfortunately it's going to be a life long battle for us all.
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Old 05-27-2006, 07:43 PM   #12
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Hi, Dee. I'm new here and at the beginning of my 100+ journey. You're already at the other side! That's amazing!! Congratulations!! As I was reading through all these posts, I just can't believe how wonderful everyone is. You are so lucky to have all these people support you!! Have faith! You are an inspiration to those of us just starting. Good luck!
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Old 05-28-2006, 01:51 AM   #13
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Hi Dee!
So glad to see you back here on 3FC and recommitted to your goals. You're new avatar is just beautiful! I've been missing lately also - traveling, extra busy, not counting calories or exercising regularly...and not losing much weight. Anyways, wow, you've gotten so much good advise here and all of it's been a source of help for me as well! You have been such an inspiration to me since I started posting here in January. Whenever I think of you I think of CONSISTENCY. As far as this little short-lived glitch you're experiencing, acknowledging what you're doing is half the battle. Then it's just about doing what you know you need to do and doing it until it's a habit again. About 8 years ago I was in your shoes. Except I handled things differently. I gave up. Just little by little. Not all in 1 day or once and for all. But it was conscious decisions I made day after day that got me back to where I am today. I'd gone from 283 to 250 over a couple years and then quickly from 250 down to 172 and was only 22 pounds away from my goal. I had lost all of this weight for my wedding and once my wedding day came and went, I just relaxed and felt fine with my self. (So I do not set dated goals or "event" goals anymore - just a final goal!) I got lazy. And comfortable. Anyways, believe me you don't want to be in my shoes now all these years later. Hopefully we can all learn from what we go though. You're going to pull through this funk and get to your goal. I cannot believe you have lot 91 pounds already. It seems like you just posted about reaching 75 pounds! Hope you are having a lovely weekend regrouping. And that you got that "click".
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Old 05-28-2006, 08:38 AM   #14
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Dee, I am really glad to see you posting. I have always found you very encouraging and am glad you are taking advantage of that aspect of 3FC for yourself. I liked the earlier reference to the inner fat chick. We are all afraid of change and even a good change like reaching your goals can be stressful. What will I do next? Will I be able to be successful at it? THer is always something comfortable about the old struggle. I think the suggestion about looking at the maintainers posts is a really good one. Wishing you success.

Denise
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Old 05-28-2006, 09:05 PM   #15
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Thanks everyone for the comments and support. They certainly make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thanks for the link for the thread over at Maintainers, I'm definately going to check it out. I had a good weekend. I stayed on plan and did the exercise I committed to. I think I'm back on track again now.

You're truly an amazing wonderful group of people.

~Dee
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