[futuresurferchick]

Hi... I've never posted on this board, but I thought I should introduce myself, mostly because I want to vent about my situation. So get ready for venting if you read this. I'm 21 and I have over 100 lbs to lose.

I lost about 25lbs before Christmas. It was a huge victory for me.. I've never been able to sustain a healthy lifestyle for long enough to accomplish that. I did it with the guidance of a dietician, and what really helped me was going to her for support and encouragement more than anything else. The fact that she believed I could do it made all the difference.

I live in residence at my school, and I went home for Christmas break. Before I left, I had the last prearranged visit with the dietician and she informed me that I had reached the end of the weight loss program I had signed up for. I told her then that I planned to make more appointments when I got back... but I think that not having that accountability while I was at home (like knowing that I would not have to check in with her) was so detrimental. All **** broke loose in terms of diet. I have gone back to my old ways. Today I am wearing a pair of jeans that I never fit into before I lost weight and for a while it felt so good because they fit well on me. Now they're tight again and I feel like I've failed. Again.

At home, with my family and friends around, it is so much harder to lose weight. I'm sure you can all relate to feeling trapped in the "fat" identity. I love my friends at home but I see how I fit into their lives in this box of "fat girl" and I don't know how to get out of it. I've always been fat, as long as I can remember. When I'm here at school, I feel so much freer to lose weight and not be burdened by other people's expectations or by the feeling of needing to act the way people expect. I also feel so much more in control here, living more independently. Or at least that is how I felt before the Christmas break. Since I got back here, I've continued to pig out on chocolate and lots of carbs and all sorts of crap that I shouldn't be eating. I'm destroying everything I've worked hard for up to this point.

I've made another appointment with the dietician for Monday. I hope I can turn this around. I felt so good for a while there, like I had a new hope that I'd never been able to sustain before. But now it's like I've lost it, I feel so discouraged. Anyway if you've read this far thanks for "listening".. I really needed to get this out there.

[cagirlygirl]

Hi!

I've been at 3FC since the summer, but have only just found my way to this board. You picked the right place to vent - these are the nicest and helpful-est folks around

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. But, just wanted to point out that you absolutely HAVE NOT failed. You slipped up. That's all. Making a new appointment with the dietitian is a HUGE victory. Good for you for getting back on track so quickly.
I'd also be willing to bet that you haven't undone all the great work you did before the holidays. You might have put a dent in your loss - but so did lots of other folks over the last month. It doesn't mean you (or they) are doomed. It just means there's a bit more work to be done.

You can absolutely do this! Hang in there, and keep coming back here.

Consider yourself hugged

cheers!
paula

[NowOrNever!]

I agree with Paula--you just had a rough patch. The reality is that those times will show up in ANY life and even a "skinny" person may go through a holiday or stressful time and gain weight. Then they put in some work and lose it. So...in a sense we're not different, it's just that we have to overcome our bad habits that we use ALL the time.

You're in school? College? Is there a counseling center there? (besides the dietician). I'm just wondering if it might be exploring your free options on those lines too to help you learn some coping strategies for next time you find yourself in that situation back home--to help you re-think your "identity". Did your family know that you had lost weight? That you were trying to be careful? Did they intentionally sabotage your efforts? You know, I kind of think there's a bit of difference between losing control and eating more than you want, and having people in your life possibly hurting your efforts either because they don't know any better or because they see you only in the "fat girl" role. Of course, I don't know what really happened, but that's why I'm thinking hey, if you have free counseling at school, maybe a few sessions and discussions will help you get a handle on exploring your self image and how to re-structure your relationship with family and friends so that it's a more supportive environment for you next time you head home.

Congrats on the 25 pounds that you lost! You can continue this journey--absolutely!!

Tracy

[teahoney]

I agree with the others. You slipped up but you did not fail. The fact that you saw your pattern and made that appointment with the dietician shows that you are committed to this. We all slip up. I did the same over the holidays but you just have to get right back on track.

I hope you stick around here so that we can get to know you. And congrats on the weight lost so far. That is fantastic.

[boiaby]

I agree with the others as well. We've all had to (or are now) learning the hard way that the "all or none" mentality is so destructive and pointless. The fact it, you're in this thing for the long haul, and you're gonna slip up along the way, it's inevitable and we've all done it and will do it again. What matters is how you handle the slipups. Like realizing your patterns and taking immediate action, you go girl!! So, don't be so hard on yourself, k? Here's one of my favorite quotes from Sandi, "View each day/meal as a new opportunity to get it right." How can you go wrong with that?

Beverly

[Jenniffer]

You did absolutly wonderful before the holidays and the trip home, you should be proud. You slipped during an extremely difficult time (the holidays) and you were home, your human. I understand your frustration, and I don't think there are many if any people who haven't been in the same situation or at least feeling the same thing.

We have a famous saying around here "Dust your self off and get back on the horse". Don't dwell over it, this will just make you even more determined. You lost the 25 lbs, you know it's possible. Were here for you, and we will cheer you along.

[sabriena]

A broken record player here: We've all slipped but there's no reason why you can't find that way to get back up! You want this bad enough to not just let yourself fall down, you made the appt. to go see the dietician so you've made your first step BACK in the right direction! You're not failing because you've gone off track, you're human because you've gone off track. You're incredible to go back on track

[lucky]

Ditto to what has already been said. It is true, you have not failed.

I do have another suggestion, though. And that is that you look inside yourself and find a way to face these weight related issues alone (well, sort of). Don't get me wrong. Working with a dietician, a counselor, finding support here are all AWESOME and you should do that as often as you can. That kind of support will most definately help you reach your goal. BUT -along the way you have to also prepare yourself for the times (even if they are few and far between) to handle the situations when your safety nets are not in place. You have to learn to make the right food choices for YOURSELF, not because someone else expects you to.

For example, your trip home for Christmas. You said that you don't know how to stop being the "fat girl." I think we can all relate to that since we've all been the fat girl at some point. But, the truth is, you don't have to be thin to stop being the fat girl. It isn't about your current size it is about how you live. I am sure your friends and family don't try to put you into that box and you certainly shouldn't feel obligated to jump in for their sake.

Now, I hate that this will come across as harsh but, for me, it was a HUGE realization and made all the difference once I accepted it. Part of letting go of the fat girl mentality (crucial to long term success) is to stop making excuses for the fat girl. Losing weight is HARD and we all have to leave our comfort zones to do it. Sometimes, we use certain situations to go back to our comfot zones without it technically being our fault. I really think that is why we often assign the word "fail" when it happens - because in our heart of hearts we know that the reasons we say we went off plan are flimsy excuses and that we are ultimately responsible.

This behavior was habitual for me. If my husband brought home krispy kreme donuts and I indulged it wasn't my fault. It was his for "sabotaging" my diet. If my mom invited us to dinner and made my favorite macaroni and cheese it wasn't my fault I went off of plan - I wouldn't have had two helpings of it if SHE hadn't cooked it. And on, and on, and on. But the truth is that I am responsible for every single bite that goes into my mouth. I understand how helpful it is to have someone else help hold you accountable (it is why I spend so much time at 3fc!). But, when it is all said and done, you HAVE to learn to be accountable to YOURSELF. Otherwise, you will always be able to find a good enough reason not to work through the weight loss challanges that you are sure to face. And those excuses will always seem reasonable while you are in the moment. But, once things settle down and you start thinking straight again you end up with the feelings of guilt and failure. But, if you own your actions you can see poor food choices for what they are and move on.

You haven't failed. You made some bad food choices. That is all. So, accept that, let go of those negative feelings, and get back on track. You CAN do it!

[futuresurferchick]

Thank you for all the advice. I know you're all right. And it's true Lucky, as you say, I have to be able to do this myself without help, for those times when no one's there to help. But I've been trying to do this alone my whole life, and I've never gotten very far at all. With the dietician there, I feel like someone's on my team, you know? Someone understands what I'm going through and believes in me, even when I don't. And this is definitely one of those times when I don't. But I know at the end of the day I'm the only one that can get myself out of this situation. Thanks for the replies everyone, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the support.

[Melody2006]

Sounds like you need the support. Ever think of weight watchers? Every week yo go to a meeting and weigh in. Meetings can be found all over the world so you can always find one to go to. It would be more long term and maybe less expensive than a dietition.

[futuresurferchick]

Originally Posted by Melody2006

Ever think of weight watchers?

Yes I have done weight watchers before... it's a great program, but I didn't like the meetings. I saw people I knew there, and I didn't like that... and I was around 18 at the time and felt kind of weird being there because there was no one close to my age. Plus I'm a pretty reserved person anyway so I'm not really into sharing stuff with a group. Thanks for the suggestion though.