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Is This Your Little Secret?

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Old 01-04-2006, 03:35 PM   #1
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Default Is This Your Little Secret?

I have said this in the past and I still feel the same way, I keep my "diet", "weightloss journey", "healthy change", whatever you want to call it, to myself. Besides my bf, no one knows that I have started this journey. And I want to keep it that way. I don't even really talk in depth with my bf. It's a private thing, and I don't want the food police chasin my *** all the time. I don't want ppl asking me how it's going or watching me. I don't need the added pressure. When I do this, it becomes the "main project". It probably borders on obsession. It always has to me on my mind. Otherwise, it will be placed on the back burner. BUT, I don't want ppl giving me their advice, opinion or even just the "looks". I think this is why this support group is such a positive and needed thing in my life. Because I need the support from all of you.

Even when ppl ask me (obviously in the past when I lost 60 lbs) I was embarressed to answer the questions. Yes, I loved the compliments. But I don't want to answer the questions "Are you losing weight"? "How much more"? What size are you now"? "Are you exercising"? "How much have you lost"? "How"? I don't like it and feel uncomfortable. Not here. But out there in the everyday world. At work, with about 17 women in the office. Weight is a big topic. I stay out of it.

Am I the only one?
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Old 01-04-2006, 03:37 PM   #2
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Yes, thats the way it starts and then some how the word gets around that I'm on a diet and it pisses me off when they say YOUR GONNA GAIN 500lbs from eating this or drinking that. You should be incouraging. *rolls eyes* I started this back in Nov, and Only DH knew about it. Then my stepdaughter figured it out and spilled it to all of DH's family, SO now they know and are always on my @SS. It gets old....
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Old 01-04-2006, 03:41 PM   #3
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Kinda sort of. My fiance, mother, and one brother (my fitness idol) know about it. It's no one else's business and I don't care for anyone else's input (except ya'lls of course, but ya'll are special !)
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Old 01-04-2006, 03:41 PM   #4
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yep, i should have kept mine a little bit more secret. my live-in boyfriend obviously knows since we eat together, but I shouldn't have told my mom. She likes to tell me that if I want to keep a man, I need to lose some weight and she is a little bit too "encouraging" if you know what I mean. She is constantly saying, "oh, you'll feel so much better" or "then people will know how gorgeous you are/were" ARGH!!

Anywho, I'm not telling anyone else. People will obviously notice when I start dropping tonnage, but there's no need for me to broadcast it.
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Old 01-04-2006, 04:07 PM   #5
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I started out that way - just started to do my thing and not mention it to anyone. Only hubby and my sister knew (and everyone on this board ).

When people start to notice, the questions start to come and it begins to get harder. I find many people (not all) are extremely nosey/curious about how I'm losing weight. I just say "eating less and moving more" which is basically what I'm going. I found that as soon as I start going in to any more detail I begin to get critized. It's a hard path to follow.

I certainly understand why people don't want to go tell it on the mountains.

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Old 01-04-2006, 04:09 PM   #6
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I kept mine a secret for a long time. I didn't admit to going to the gym every morning before work and I didn't make a big fuss about what I was eating (you know how some people insist on telling EVERYONE about what they can and can't eat - that wasn't me at all). I'd plan my treats for times when I'd be eating with other people so that they wouldn't notice - on the assumption that all the meals I eat alone would balance it out if they were good. Essentially I thought it was none of their business, and I don't like being talked about or gossiped about (which would inevitably happen if I made a big thing of being on a diet at work - and it did start when people noticed)

I didn't want to set myself up for failure or put myself in a position where I constantly got questioned or lectured on it. After a while people started to notice, obviously, and I realised why I was glad I'd not made a big thing about it!

I still hate admitting how much I've lost because it indirectly tells them how much I used to weigh (which isn't something I'd plan on revealing voluntarily, but they can do the maths of roughly how much I weigh now and add 88lb to that number. I hate it when people come to me and tell me that they've been discussing what size clothes they think I wear and want me to settle the argument. I also hate people quizzing me about what they should do when I really don't know what would fit in with their life, what they like to eat, what their triggers are etc. People treat me like I have all the answers when I really don't, only the answers for me.

On the other hand, sometimes I wish I had been a bit more forceful about the changes I've made. Now even though I do make better choices in company than I used to, I still don't make as good choices as the choices I make when I'm alone. This leads some people to assume that my loss is entirely down to exercise and that I can therefore still eat (and want to eat) the lorry loads of chocolate they bought me for Christmas. Maybe I should have been clearer that I don't want quite that much of the stuff any more!
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Old 01-04-2006, 04:18 PM   #7
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"I hate it when people come to me and tell me that they've been discussing what size clothes they think I wear and want me to settle the argument"

That is crazy! This is why I won't "spread the word". And compared to almost all women at work, I am one of the most private. They spill everything. Even things I don't want to know.

Guess am not alone.
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Old 01-04-2006, 04:19 PM   #8
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I didn't tell anyone but my husband. After a while of course it became obvious to everyone and the questions started. It was flattering and uncomfortable at the same time. I hated it when people really interrogated me. I realized after a while though, that 99% percent of the people that pestered me for specifics, "What are you doing!?" were hoping that I'd name some miracle drug or packaged diet. They generally lost interest in me after I said I was eating less and exercising more
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Old 01-04-2006, 04:24 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniffer
"I hate it when people come to me and tell me that they've been discussing what size clothes they think I wear and want me to settle the argument"

That is crazy! This is why I won't "spread the word". And compared to almost all women at work, I am one of the most private. They spill everything. Even things I don't want to know.

Guess am not alone.
Are you serious??? How nosy are they? I would have to answer something like "Wow not much going on in your life eh???"

To add my 2 cents......

I think some people are malicious in thier intent but other are looking for the MIRACLE CURE for weight loss and need to know there is something out there that will take it off fast. I get that way. I see a friend's success and I am all over it. I want to know what I can do to be like them and drop the weight. My heart hopes for the magic cure when my brain knows it will take a lot longer than that. I guess the search for the miracle cure is what keeps all the diet companies in business. It's funny this thread came up. I was just getting off the scale (to feed my morning scale weigh in addiction unfortunately) and the scale has not moved. I tried to think through what put on these twenty pounds I gained since June.....why would I think it would of come off in two days??? I guess I am still on the quest for a MIRACLE cure.

As far as keeping it a secret? I just don't say anything unless asked. I see others being made to feel guilty when they lose weight and want that brownie or whatever. People say "Wow you are eating that and you lost weight????" or some other knucklehead respone. Drives me nuts. So I just keep a low profile and wait to see if I can lose enough for anyone to notice.
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Old 01-04-2006, 05:09 PM   #10
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Thank God there are others that feel the same way. I was listening to some "diet expert" the other day that said one of the best ways to stay on plan is to tell others and get their support. IMHO that is total crap. What you will get is a bunch of criticism and people who can't mind their own business. I do not want people's input because I have found most of them to be grossly ill informed and weight bigots which is something they will never admit. When they see a "fatty" on a diet they think it is their mission to "help" them by monitoring their food intake and exercise schedule offering their "informed suggestion" The only people I will listen to about weight are people who have had serious weight problems and gotten it under control. They are the ones who understand the struggle and pain not people who have battled that extra 5-10 lbs.

I lost a lot of weight a few years back and people kept asking me how much I had lost and (this one gags me) "What is your secret?" I noticed that many treated me in such a manner that said that having mortified my flesh enough to suit their expectation I had somehow redeemed myself and therefor was worthy to join the human race. When asked how much I had lost I said "I don't know I don't weight myself" For the most part that is true. I refuse to be held hostage to a scale. I weigh about every 6 months to a year. I keep track of my progress by how my clothes fit and how I feel. These people can not imagine not weighing themselves daily. I feel very strongly that the number on the scale is something I cannot relate to in an objective manner. I get very caught up in getting the number lower and it becomes a total obsession. I think women in particular let their scale dictate what their level of self esteem will be on any given day. It's a neurotic behavior but it is a socially acceptable neurosis and one we are trained in from an early age. If constantly monitoring my weight on the scale would keep me thin it would have done it by now. It has not therefor it is time to rethink that basic hypothesis.

Yesterday at work my co-worker were all talking about joining Weight Watcher. They are maybe 10-20 lbs over weight. I was told that I should join. I just smiled sweetly and went on about my business. I refuse to get sucked back into the diet mentality again. I know where my weakness is and what must be done to change it. I don't need to weigh in weekly to take responsibility for myself. I am sure that works for many people put for me it just totally aggravated my tendency toward compulsive eating.
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Old 01-04-2006, 05:10 PM   #11
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I completely agree...I hate telling people I am on a diet. I have only told a couple of people at work, mainly because one of the girls that I work with is dieting with me, kind of...

Pretty much all of the girls that I do work with (I work in a small office of about 8 people.) are trying to lose weight and they are really encouraging and aren't food ****'s that follow me around and ask me if I should be eating that. Or... my pet peeve is people that try to break you- when they know that you are on a diet and they flaunt brownies or ice cream in front of you, trying to get you to crack.

I never tell my family, I don't know why, I am sure they would be encouraging but it is just an uncomfortable topic for me. I hate the questions of what I am doing, how much I used to weigh, how much I weigh now... etc.

I also have to be completely obsessed with it all the time otherwise I let myself have too much freedom and cheat constantly. I have to set little goals along the way to keep me motivated.

I suppose I have been fairly lucky. I have always been chunkier throughout my life and I have never had anyone make fun of me or say snooty remarks about my weight (except for my ex-boyfriend, hence the EX part now...) to my face anyway... It just doesn't feel natural to me to be as big as I am- eventhough I have never known anything else.

But you are not alone, that's why I love this board so much.
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Old 01-04-2006, 05:58 PM   #12
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I'm a freak!!!! (I knew that already) When I started I told everyone, my team leader at work, all my friends, even the lady in the pub (who used to get me a diet coke as soon as she saw me darken the door, and then started by the lemon diet coke just for me!!!) I felt I needed to hold myself accountable by being really open about it. I told everyone how much I weighed, what dress size I was, everything.

And as a result, I only get compliments, no questions. I've found other people's attitudes really good, and haven't encountered any *****iness or untoward questions.

So whatever works for you, maybe I just have nice friends and colleagues!!!
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Old 01-04-2006, 06:08 PM   #13
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I'm with Kylie, I announced it to just about everyone that I'm working on getting healthy and that includes eating better and exercising. I too don't need the food police. I do have my hubby to question me at least if I'm going to eat something that is unhealthy. It may be something I've planned into the day and wouldn't put me over calories. I do like the accountability that people may be watching me. It helps me to keep in line.
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Old 01-04-2006, 07:23 PM   #14
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I work with a bunch of guys, so they're oblivious to most things. I'm sure they'll notice eventually but I doubt they'll think to say much. Actually, we have talked about it a little. Almost everyone where I work could be considered overweight, and more than half of us obese, so it does come up now and then. Most people are doing something to get healthier and/or lose weight, anything from exercise and working out, to following a specific diet plan.

The thing is, right now I'm still pretty heavy, and I've cut down to about 1500-1800 calories. And, since I (unintentionally) follow the 90/10 plan to an extent, I still eat 'fun foods'. Like, the past two days I've had a chocolate bar in the mid-afternoon. I'm craving chocolate, and if I didn't have one, I know I'd attack the Hershey Kisses and devour much more than a candy bar's worth. I just eat healthy (well, try to, some) the rest of the time, and budget in the calories. And it works for me. But man, people see you losing weight and you eat a candy bar, they freak out.
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Old 01-04-2006, 07:44 PM   #15
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I took the opposite approach as well. I told everyone and their dog. I wanted the extra accountability. However, that being said, I think each person has to find what works best for him or her. If keeping it a super secret helps - then I say 007 is the word.
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