I need help.
I tried my first Yoga DVD today and I burst into tears halfway through. I was looking at the stretchmarks on my stomach this morning when getting ready for the shower, I've got some varicose veins on my legs, I get tired so easily, and I'm so scared of the damage I'm doing to my body. I'm 21, 5'5, around 240-250 pounds, and I've been through the cycles of weight loss and weight gain for years now. Somehow towards the end I just let it all go, and I've been around the same weight for a year. Now, I'm sitting in front of a computer wanting to burst into tears, wondering how I've brought myself to this point??
I want to be healthy and fit. But I don't know how to get there anymore. I feel so alone in this, and having to go home for the holidays (I live at school) will mean having to face family and friends, something that's making me feel so much worse right now. I don't understand why people put such an emphasis on appearance. I have tried so much to shift my focus of weight from appearance to health, and I'm proud of myself for it. But when I return home, I feel like suddenly I'm surrounded by people who might be looking at me first and foremost seeing my weight. That makes me feel so uncomfortable and sad, but it also makes me feel ashamed of myself, of the way I look, of so far, being unable to lose the weight. I hate it.
So that's my hello, sorry it's not a little more upbeat. This seems like such a great community
Thanks for reading