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Why do people think this is alright?

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Old 12-11-2005, 02:07 PM   #1
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Default Why do people think this is alright?

Now that I have lost most of my weight people, my family mostly think that it's now all right to tell me how much fun they have had at my expense. Last night my cousin emailed me and said I remember when we bought you a shirt for a gift and three of us were able to get in it together. HA HA HA! Or Boy aunt Wanda sure did talk about you eating all her Christmas candy when you were a kid. HA HA HA. Grandma used to say put the food away here comes Howie. HA HA HA. People are freaking morons sometimes. Do they not know I'm the same person and hurt the same way as anyone else. I just want to call them out sometimes but that's just not the way I am. It just burns me up sometimes.
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Old 12-11-2005, 03:12 PM   #2
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Hi Howie,

I'm sorry for the hurt you have had to endure. Yes, some people are idiots. I don't know ~ maybe it even hurts worse when it is your family ~ the people who are supposed to love us.
One day at a time ~ never giving up!!

Nobody can force you to have a certain attitude. But life will go so much better if you will simply choose to be positive. When you wake up, choose to be happy. Choose to be grateful for the day. (Joel Osteen)

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Old 12-11-2005, 03:24 PM   #3
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Ohh, Howie

I think that's one of the things I'm really afraid of, and is holding me back at the moment.

I don't think they realize that it's SOO hurtful. They say things like WOW...you look so much BETTER that you used to...etc.

I seriously think that they don't understand that those kinds of comment will hurt us FOREVER...I don't think that will ever go away.
Maybe just give them a reminder that you're the same Howie on the inside.

Or maybe they need an email that says something like..."Oh,...gosh...what happened to you? You got so old and wrinkly...I remember way back when...you were youthful and attractive HA HA HA...too bad you can't change that, eh?" (Kidding of course!)

Chin up, Howie...they just don't get it.

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Old 12-11-2005, 03:27 PM   #4
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Just looked at your website and it was just the inspiration I needed to get through the first of a couple holiday parties. I had to make cookies, and had a cookie accident before even getting out of the door with them. Scary stuff as Thanksgiving was a relative breeze. Christmas is just one day and the brakes are on. Inspiration is out there and you just gave me some.

Wishing you the mindset to just let that nonsense float over your head. You are so above that.
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Old 12-11-2005, 03:31 PM   #5
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Last edited by partyofsix : 11-01-2006 at 06:28 PM.
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Old 12-11-2005, 03:32 PM   #6
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oh howie. it's awful, isn't it. how about practicing the classic 'icy smile' and then change the subject. you don't need to sink to their level

hmmmm. a person could, perhaps, print out this thread and MAIL IT TO THEM!!!!! maybe not YOU, but someone you know - someone very close to you - maybe even in the same house..

along with a note that might say something about people not understanding how words can hurt...
Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.
Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders

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Old 12-11-2005, 03:47 PM   #7
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That's really awful. I've had comments that are heading that way, but nowhere as bad as some of those. "Ooh look, you've got a new coat, not like that huge tent like thing you used to wear" and stuff like that. One of the things that I really don't like about losing a lot of weight is the fact that it kind of reveals how much weight I had to lose, and leaves me open to people reminding me of that.

I think a lot of people don't understand what it really takes to do this, and how you can't just look back and disassociate yourself from that person from before. Unless you've done it you probably don't realise how it's not just a case of being happy to be smaller, and that there are still a lot of emotions floating around that get hurt by tactless references to how you used to be.

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Old 12-11-2005, 03:50 PM   #8
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes people's brains just don't work. Just because you look different, they start looking at you like a different person. They forget that you still are the same person with the same feelings. You'd think people would have enough sense not to actually admit that they used to make fun of you. Dummies!!

Hey, I'm always in for hanging someone by the toenails so if you need my assistance, just ask...

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Old 12-11-2005, 04:09 PM   #9
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Hi howie

I can totally agree! i sometimes get so mad at people i look towards the fridge and truelly can just turn back into being the person that drowns herself in food again!

It hurts...

My brother saw me and said gosh your looking good, boy you packed some on last christmas i never thought you would lose it!

My constant fight is with people now telling me "don't lose anymore.... " i cop that 3-4 times a week! since my bmi is still in the overweight category, and i am going for normal! so they just have to get over it!!!!

Sometimes it can be a double edged sword! I shocked my MIL on saterday! she is very short and does not understand how i can look skinny and be 184 pounds when she is fat and is less! LOL!!! then she was reading an advertisement for weight loss and said how the guy weighed 280 pounds, and i said that was how big i was! she did not believe me! maybe height is an advantage!! LOL

People can be very cruel, and it hurts. But you have done amazingly and inspire a lot of people! well done!

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Old 12-11-2005, 05:00 PM   #10
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Oh Howie, I'm so sorry! It's like they think we're one of them now. Like somehow we'd now get a kick out of making fun of the fatty, except the fatty was us!! It just astounds me how totally clueless and inconsiderate people can be. I guess you can either call 'em on it, every single time, until they get the idea that they're being insensitive morons and you don't appreciate their sadistic humor, or you can let it roll off your back and chalk it up to people being people, and just focus on yourself and those whose opinions really matter to you. Either way it sucks, so like everyone said, chin up and I'm up for helping you and teahoney string 'em up by their toenails if need be!

New goal: staying binge free and losing those last few again, but for the last time!!
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Old 12-11-2005, 05:12 PM   #11
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Howie I'm sorry that they're telling you all that and that they actually said those things.

The way I think of people saying these things are that they're jealous that they can't do something as incredible that you've done and are still doing. No matter if you're not the same weight as what you used to be or if you still were the same weight gives people no right to say hurtful things.

Like others have said before me that people don't know what it takes to lose weight mentally, emotionally, and physically. Try not to pay any attention to what they say even though it is hard not to. They don't understand and more than likely never will.

Again, I'm sorry for what they said to you.

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Old 12-11-2005, 05:21 PM   #12
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Some people are just inconsiderate. They may (mistakenly) think that since that weight is gone, so are those awful feelings. But they may not realize they're dredging them up. Or maybe they're jealous. Dunno.
But everyone here is right. You are above that. And beyond that.
Maybe it's to remind these family members of the way it used to be. Some people don't like change. Tough noodles.
I'm sorry it hurts. And I understand how irritating it can be. But we're here for you!

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Old 12-11-2005, 05:53 PM   #13
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Blimey, but people can be thoughtless! I doubt they mean to be hurtful, but if they would only put their brain in gear before opening their mouths.... I hope you don't allow their cruel comments to knock you down, Howie.

It reminds me of when I split from my ex. I lost count of the number of people I'd considered pals who fell over themselves to say things like, "I wondered how long it would take you to grow a brain, and get rid of him. We never liked him, you know.". I'm sure it was their clumsy way of supporting me, but what it really said to me was they'd spent the previous 15 years thinking I was stupid, all the while being really friendly to my face.

People can be such idiots. It's easier said than done, but remember, you don't have to give their comments the time of day. Chuck 'em out with the rubbish where they belong, and concentrate on all the positive things you have going on.
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Old 12-11-2005, 07:32 PM   #14
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Red face Insanity

I know Exactly what you are talking about, a week ago i went up north to my brother in laws wedding and I met some members of his family I hadn't met yet (we have been married 2 years)

there is a whole back story to this as well, since alot of family members only saw pics of me before we married and were shooting off their mouths about me....but i digress

a cousin of his whom only saw me in my wedding video, when saw me exclaimed wow you look so great, you lost alot of weight when i saw your video i thought you were huge.....haaaah, that really warmed me up

while I am proud I lost so much comments like that cut especially since I am so sensitive about it, my hubby is not any help either!!! aghhh

i dont think they really think about it, since you are open about your weight loss or it is obvious you have lost its a field day for comments...some make you feel really good, some really bad, I am trying to take it with a grain of salt...hold the fries

ďAll the problems become smaller if you donít dodge them, but confront them. Touch a thistle timidly, and it pricks you; grasp it boldly, its spines crumble.Ē

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Old 12-11-2005, 07:51 PM   #15
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I am so sorry Howie!! That is just so mean! ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
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