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Does it ever end?

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Old 11-02-2005, 02:33 PM   #1
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Default Does it ever end?

I know the answer and it's no. I still battle with the old me. Monday night I was feeling down so what did I do. I headed to Wendy's for a triple cheeseburger and fries. Then to McDonald's for a Flurry. I almost had myself talked out of it but I just kept driving and ended up there anyway.

I just wish we could turn a switch off where that type of want would never happen again. I hate the thought of the constant battle the rest of my life. I guess that is my lot in life and I will have to bear it. I know I'm never turning back to what I was but it sure is hard to win the mind games.

I will say it has gotten easier. This battle does not occur as much but it does still happen at least a couple times a month.
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Old 11-02-2005, 02:43 PM   #2
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Yeah, that kind of stinks. The only way I quelled my appetite for McDonald's was quite accidental, actually ... I'd gotten a 3-day food poisoning bout from a luke-warm burger served to me there, and I haven't been able to eat their burgers since.

I'm glad you posted this, because I keep thinking once the weight is off it will be "over". I can re-frame this in my mind to be like a cigarette craving - it will always resurface, but the time between cravings will increase, and the intensity will lessen as time goes on.
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Old 11-02-2005, 02:51 PM   #3
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I wish it did end Howie! For the past couple of days I've been having thoughts of getting back into the old habits. I keep thinking "well, you've been good, on day won't be too bad", etc. The negative thoughts keep entering into my head and I know they will stay there.

As you might know, I had a severe problem with alcohol. Thoughts of going to the bar are still there as well and I haven't been inside of a bar for several months now. No matter what your addictions are, I think the thoughts will still be there from time to time (maybe they won't be as often, but they will still be there).

If there was a way to prevent those self-destructive thoughts I'd sure like to know!
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Old 11-02-2005, 02:55 PM   #4
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Howie, that's a battle we all face. At least for you, the recurrence has dwindled down considerably.

A few days ago, when I was upset about some things, I drove straight from class to Steak and Shake where I planned to get my old favorites (bacon steakburger, those lovely yet disgusting greasy little fries, and a huge strawberry shake). I had my own mini-drama in the parking lot in my car which ended with me not getting out, starting my car back up, and driving home where I cooked a healthy dinner for me and my sweetheart. I'd be lying if I said that everyday just about I have some urge or another. But I resist and press on...
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Old 11-02-2005, 02:57 PM   #5
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You all are not alone. I will get back on track and be going good for a while, then something will happen, and the old way of comforting myself takes over and it is a struggle to get back on track.
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Old 11-02-2005, 02:58 PM   #6
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Yep it would be nice if you could have that part of the brain removed.

Matt, which would you say was easier the alcohol or food addiction. I often think that food is harder because you can't give it up like you can alcohol and cigarettes. However I have never had to deal with those addictions. My dad had both alcohol and cigarettes addictions but did not have a problem with food. All and all I think I would take the food problem over the alcohol.

Good for you on staying out of the bars and keeping clean. That is a great accomplishment.
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Old 11-02-2005, 03:00 PM   #7
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I'd love to get that magic pill or silver bullet or whatever you want to call it. Unfortunately, I don't think it exists--dang! From what I hear from the Maintainers, it gets better, but never really goes away. Since we can't cut food out completely like you can other addictive substances, I guess we're stuck with just learning how to cope when we fall off the wagon, so to speak. I still self-medicate with food even after three years on this journey. And I still hate myself in the morning. However, I have noticed that I do it less and less, and I can get myself out of it after one day or even one really bad meal. That's progress!

Howie, when you feel a cheeseburger attack coming on, can you call Kimberley for support? I know--sometimes we just want it when we want it and we want it now and nobody is going to talk us out of it. For me, it's very childlike behavior.
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Old 11-02-2005, 03:02 PM   #8
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Oh, Howie....how I hear what you are saying.

You are probably aware that I, too, have been having a hard time lately.
Yesterday was my first day back on plan after over two weeks of nastiness.

You know you're not going back where you once were, and so do I....but it sure is hard sometimes. I also struggle with the idea that it will always be difficult.

I'm here for you...and know what you're going through

xoxo
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Old 11-02-2005, 03:05 PM   #9
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I battle this all the time. Why do we have to battle it at all? Why can't it be re-learned or something. I remember you posting a ways back that you used to get 2 burgers and fries so you've made progress in only getting one meal.
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Old 11-02-2005, 03:08 PM   #10
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Seeing as I've given in to those cravings and have not been here in a while(even slinking back through replying rather then making my own post ),I can so relate...and really wish it wasn't as hard as it is.I want to win the battle of the bulge...but I sometimes wonder for how long I can continue,especially if I have to work so hard at it for the rest of my life.I'm not giving up though.

Now,I can't speak from experience for alcohol,but I know that for myself,starting a better way of eating is easier in the beginning then quitting smoking...but after a while,the cravings for wanting the bad foods and more of it are alot more stronger then my want for a cigarette.I'd still like one from time to time,but not nearly as badly as the want for food.
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Old 11-02-2005, 03:28 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by howie6267
I know the answer and it's no. I still battle with the old me. ..... I just wish we could turn a switch off where that type of want would never happen again. I hate the thought of the constant battle the rest of my life. I guess that is my lot in life and I will have to bear it. I know I'm never turning back to what I was but it sure is hard to win the mind games.

I will say it has gotten easier. This battle does not occur as much but it does still happen at least a couple times a month.

I hear you and you're not alone! I've been struggling with how I'm going to handle Thanksgiving: I love cooking all that good food, and then eating it. I don't love what it does to me. It is definitely a mind game, a mind game that gets especially tough when the stress level rises, and it has been a really tough year so far. I guess that's part of the reason we come here, to chat to people who understand and support us in the good fight.

Well, you can look back, Howie, and see what a fantastic job you've done, you and Kimberley. You two just look wonderful. I know it's aggravating and can get you down, but a slip up a month pales in comparison.
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Old 11-02-2005, 04:45 PM   #12
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Howie: Man oh man, do I ever relate!

Our addiction is the worst kind--we can't stop eating! Alcoholics can put down the bottle, smokers can lay down the ciggies, but we still have to eat to live.

It sucks. BUT....we do our best, forgive ourselves when we go astray, then get back on track. And we work hard to figure out what it is that makes us stray in the first place---NOT an easy task.

Thanks for bringing this up!
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Old 11-02-2005, 05:26 PM   #13
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I completely agree - quitting smoking was much, much easier for me than losing weight has been. Quitting smoking, for me, meant little more than running out of smokes one night, knowing there would be cravings, and never doing it again. It's been four smoke-free years, but I also packed on about 50 pounds. On to the next challenge, huh!?

ScarlettDrawl - awesome ending to your story! The next time I find myself in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant, I am going to tell myself that a mini-drama in the parking lot is better than a bacon double cheeseburger and fries on the hips!
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Old 11-02-2005, 08:16 PM   #14
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Thanks for all the kind replies. It helps having all of you here.

Sheila in answer to the question can I call Kimberley? Yes I probably could but she has been struggling lately also and it might turn into both of us going off. I don't want to do that to her. Even so I just did not want to call her at the time. I wanted the food and was not going to call. Oh cheeseburger why ya gotta taste so good.

The last two burgers that I had were not even that good but man this one just hit the spot. Guess I had to keep trying. Oh well it's in the past and that is where it will stay. The battle goes on.

Linda I did know you have been having struggles lately. I noticed many have said they are having a hard time lately. That is one reason why I posted this. We need to know there are others going though the same thing and how hard it is. But we have support here and it helps. Thanks for you post.
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Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever
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Last edited by howie6267 : 11-02-2005 at 08:21 PM.
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Old 11-02-2005, 08:20 PM   #15
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Oh Howie.. it's like how you lose so much you should get a free mental food pass. Is this how drug addicts feel? The worst part is.. if you didn't tell us - we wouldn't know. You can cheat- even a little cheat - or a one day bender and everyone says.. oh it's okay. But if where drugs it would be different. ...

So the sad news you are telling us.. is that this battle is NEVER going to end? sad
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