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Some Lowfat Cheese with that Whine?

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Old 08-17-2005, 03:06 PM   #1
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Default Some Lowfat Cheese with that Whine?

I usually try not to post when Iím feeling like this, because I donít want to bring anyone else down, but this time I just feel so discouraged and thought posting might help.

Maybe itís just the post-vacation blues or something, but Iím justÖ weary. Iím tired of spending so much energy thinking and fantasizing about losing weight, tired of waiting around to hit a somewhat arbitrary ďgoal.Ē Itís not so much a fear that I wonít get there eventually; I know now what I need to do. At this point, I donít feel so terrified I will go off-plan or stop exercising. But I guess itís also really sinking in that Iím going to have to think about this in largely this manner for the rest of my life. Iím just really struggling with the ďhead gameĒ more than I expected. I sure hope the Maintainers are right when they say it gets easier!

Back when I still weighed 265 pounds (and then some), I always pictured myself perfectly happy if I were any thinner at all. I donít think I ever fathomed that I would lose almost 100 pounds. And yes, most days I do feel thrilled with how far Iíve come and how much better I look and feel (so much energy!). But then other times Ė like today Ė this darker mood slips in, and I look in the mirror and I still donít like what I seeÖ Now, instead of nothing but rolls of fat, I obsess over the ones that are left. I focus on the excess skin on my arms, belly, and thighs that will probably never go away. I see the stretch marks marring my flesh, and I find it hard to forgive myself for the irreparable damage Iíve done to my body. Strangely, I find myself becoming overly critical of things about my appearance that didnít even bother me before Ė my nose is too long, my teeth are not white or straight enough, my hair is flat, etc. etc. etc. Itís like it was too painful even to see myself before, and now Iíve opened up Pandoraís Box and can see mostly the flaws.

I know how whiny this sounds, so Iím going to stop myself. Maybe Iím just getting over the joy of my initial loss and becoming impatient to get to goal. Certainly Iíve always had lots of self-esteem issues that of course wouldnít go away just because Iíve lost weight (duh?!). Anyway, I just feel like a small, contained mess, and itís driving me batty. Itís hard to express this stuff in ďrealĒ life because everyone seems certain Iím off my head with joy to have lost so much weight. And I know I should be, so why do I feel so conflicted?

Any advice/thoughts/admonishments appreciated. You guys are the best.
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Old 08-17-2005, 03:23 PM   #2
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Jennifer,

I'm sorry you are feeling blue today ~ hope you get to feeling better about things soon.
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Old 08-17-2005, 03:58 PM   #3
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Oh Jennifer, I could have written every word of your post myself. I remember going through a time when I was close to goal like you are now, that I was feeling like what's the point? The weight loss had slowed significantly and I was just plain tired of having to work so hard at it. I came real close to saying, this is good enough and had started to let myself slack off. But then I remembered something Miss Chris had posted once (not sure if you were around when she was, but I sure do miss her) about no longer allowing her self to break "self promises". This really struck a chord with me because I had promised myself that this time, I WOULD get to my goal. And it was about time that I mattered enough to me, (since I certainly never did before) not to break a promise to myself. So I said enough of this s**t, I will not give up on myself again! So I got back OP and made it to goal a few months later.

Now that I'm there, I'm dealing with all this "head stuff" from a different perspective. Like you said, I'm overly critical of my appearance in ways I never was before, I get down about the excess skin, my self esteem and body issues didn't just dissappear once I hit that magic number, basically everything you just mentioned! So, what's my point? Well, that these feelings are normal and completely justifyed. You've worked damn hard to get where you are, how can you not be a little resentful of what you are left with? Growing up fat girls, nobody ever explained to us that being skinny wouldn't fix all the world's problems like we natrually assumed it would! There is just so much more to all this than our weight in pounds, and I imagine that we're going to be spending the rest of our lives sorting through all of it. But at least we can do it with the healthiest bodies possible, right?! Hang in there sweetie, you're gonna be just fine!

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Old 08-17-2005, 04:04 PM   #4
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I get that mental fatigue sometimes as well, especially if I am stressed or emotionally upset with a situation. I understand the impatience as well. Why am I not losing the weight faster? (Forgetting how long it took me to put it on in the first place). I don't know how many times during my life I have said, if I only could lose the weight I would be happier. After losing all of the weight, I could not figure out why I did not feel any different. Please do not get me wrong, I was proud of the weight I lost but the reason why I gained weight in the first place was still there. I think, for me at least, this time around is I recognize (for lack of a better word) the triggers that start the bad thoughts and feelings. I know myself I will always have a body image problem no matter how large or small I become. I have to become aquainted to who I am now (at any stage in the weight loss game).

Please do not beat yourself up, but be proud of far you have come.
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Old 08-17-2005, 04:16 PM   #5
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Well, if it helps, you aren't alone. You pretty much summed up exactly how I was feeling last month.

At the advice of someone in the maintainers forum I took a break from it all. Instead of concentrating on losing anymore weight I just worked at not gaining any. It gave me a much needed mental break and got me off of the emotional rollercoaster that is my scale. It only took about two weeks before I was ready to really buckle down and get back to business. Maybe that would work for you too? Sometimes we need to cut ourselves some slack, I think.

Anyway, I wasn't so frustrated that I wanted to give up but I'd lost the spark that had gotten me this far. It really helped to just take a guilt-free breather and was great practice for what life will be like when I finally do reach my goal.

I hope you feel better soon!
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Old 08-17-2005, 04:18 PM   #6
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Jennifer: I just read this on the Weight Loss Surgery forum. It has little to do with the surgery--more like life afterwards. I thought it was a very interesting read.

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http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/hea...1868/index.html
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Old 08-17-2005, 04:22 PM   #7
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Jennifer... I don't usually post here, but something about your post struck me and I just HAVE to comment... Im NO WHERE near the point where you are in my weight lose jourrney, but you are truly someone that I would love to talk to. MAybe help me keep on going. I want to give up everyday because its not going fast enough for me. Stay strong and keep on going on strong! Look how far you have made it!! I can only dream that I get that close to my goal!
I just wanted to let you know that you are an inspiration to strangers out there, and vent whine all you want. I'd like to listen and give that shoulder to cry on.. Hope you have a better day!! (((((((HUGS))))))))))
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Old 08-17-2005, 04:41 PM   #8
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I don't think it is being silly and you bring up many valid points. When you were larger chances are you didn't pay attention to much of anything on your body, not taking time to notice the little things. Now you do and I'm guessing that what you pictured in your mind at 265 for you to look like at 165 isn't what you are seeing now.

I've seen Beverly post tons of times that she wouldn't give up the body she has now if it meant she had to live as being fat again (I don't remember the exact quote.) even if it's not the thin body she envisioned while losing weight.

I'm sure you are going to get over this brief moment and when you are at goal will be looking back wondering what the problem was.
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Old 08-17-2005, 04:55 PM   #9
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Jennifer:

Hi. I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling bad today. I can relate plus some! Even if you were to never lose another pound *which you will obviously* the weight you're at now is incredible! It's my sisters goal weight. I don't really have any super feel better advice because I'm feeling REALLY bad about more than just my weight today so I'll just end with keep your chin up, tomorrow's a new day.
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:24 PM   #10
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Sometimes I feel all that fat was such an effective shroud. I spend far too much time worrying about batwings, lumpy thighs (they never looked so lumpy before I lost 10 inches circumference around them) hangy tummy fat etc etc. And I too have the whole thing about my face, hair etc.

I get so tired of thinking. What am I going to eat today? What time? When am I going to work out? Was it weights day today? Upper body? Cardio? What day is it again?

Can I eat that? How much over my calories will I be if I eat it? Which meal do I deduct them from? Shall I just write this day off and start tomorrow? What birthdays are coming up? Weddings? Which days do I need to save for my treat day?

And to know that this is how I have to think and plan for the rest of my life. I have never thought about food more than now I am watching what I eat.

And a lot of days, I adore it, eating clean, exercising, enjoying my new found energy and body.

And some days it just sucks and I just want to break free from disordered eating, and live a "normal" life not dominated by this cloud of morbid obesity which will always hang over me.

You know I love you to bits, and you are my mentor, and just knowing we're not alone in this, I think it's enough to see us through.

Oh and I love your cheekbones, can I have them please?????
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:35 PM   #11
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Hi Jennifer --

I don't have time to write much, except I had to say I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been going through a little of that myself the last few months, off and on. I'll try to come back later and say more, but just wanted to send you a quick, "Yeah, I hear ya."
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:45 PM   #12
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Jennifer,

In OA, I heard this referred to as the tapes playing in your head. The message is the same (bad body image), the tape has just inserted different attack zones. The suggested fix was to ďrecord overĒ the tapes with positive thoughts/affirmations. If you canít think of any, just search this site for the people who applaud YOUR SUCCESS and look to you for inspiration.

I like Jawsmomís idea of taking a break. Remember, good things, like success, can also be stressful. Put in a new ďtapeĒ and maybe try some primal scream therapy. Hope you're back in high spirits soon .
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:58 PM   #13
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I watched a family member struggle with this when she lost 80 lbs. a couple of years ago. Although I can't completely understand, I did learn that being thin does not fix everything. You should take great pride in your weight loss while realizing that you are not going to always like the way you look. I flew home last week to see my little sister get married. She has never had a weight problem and has always been a beautiful girl. SHE didn't like the way she looked on her wedding day. She could point out every flaw, even though to me, she looked stunning. If there are things you want to/able to fix to feel better about yourself, i.e. teeth whitening, then you should do so. But above all, you can focus on liking the REAL you...what's on the inside so you can be more confident with what's on the outside.
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Old 08-17-2005, 07:03 PM   #14
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Please don't think you shouldn't post when you're feeling that way, Jennifer. Believe me, you won't bring anyone down seeing as so many of us are in the same place and state of mind! There's comfort in numbers and in knowing we can't be crazy if others feel the same way, right? Anyway, this forum isn't about always being upbeat and cheerful (though we love to see those posts, naturally) its about sharing the experience and learning from it!

I can relate totally with you on the "weariness" factor and how sometimes it seems that life revolves around nothing but what we're putting in our mouth and how it affects us. Of course that's not really the case at all, as we all live busy and full lives, but the planning, stressing and head games do take up a lot of time. However, just as it took time to get used to the routine of eating well and exercising it takes time to learn how to live with the results of all that hard work. I'm also hoping the wise maintainers are right when they say it gets easier, because I'm really looking forward to it all being second nature (of course I've got to get myself to goal first and that's taking a couple of years longer than I'd hoped!)

As you know, we had the same start weight, Jennifer, and at that time I was pretty upset with my body for betraying me by getting fat. Yes, yes, I know in actuality it was ME who had betrayed my body and not the other way around, but that's not how I felt at the time. Back then I obsessed about being overweight and longed to be back to the weight I was in my 20s and 30s. However, back in my 20s and 30s I was busy being self-critical about the bump on the end of my nose, how my eyes are too far apart and the fact that I've never had shapely legs (I've always had a "cankle" thing going on). I guess what I'm saying is there's always going to be things you're not happy with about your physical appearance, but you tend to focus on the one that bothers you the most and put aside all the others (apparently only for the time being). So here I am now, having lost over 100lbs. and feeling great, but finding those sneaky little disappointments creeping in (such as the saggy skin and, in my case, the unpleasant discovery that my previously plump face did wonders to hide my rapidly increasing wrinkles!)

Now I'm hoping all this doesn't sound shallow, after all, the health benefits of losing the weight are far, far more valuable to me, but I'm being honest here. We spend so much time looking for clothes that feel and look good (and I'm not even going into the accessories), we wear makeup (well, perhaps not Howie, Nash and Frenchie), we get our hair cut and styled, our nails done and on and on to infinity. We know if we spend a lot of time on our appearance we're going to look good. So naturally, after all our hard work on improving our appearance weight-wise, we expect to look more like our ideal vision of ourselves and if we fall short feel disappointed. Having said that, I've looked at all the progress pictures posted here and have yet to see one unattractive person ~ do you think we're all a little bit too hard on ourselves?

Now, you don't sound whiny; you sound like someone who's put a lot of effort into achieving something great and is just a bit overwhelmed with it all. I liken it to something figure skater Scott Hamilton wrote about realizing his dream of being an Olympic gold medallist. As he stood on the podium and had the medal placed around his neck, he felt a combination of happiness and disappointment. He was thrilled for having achieved his goal, yet felt "What now? What do I focus all my time and energy on? Where do I go from here?" He also expressed disappointment that holding that medal in his hands afterwards didn't make his longstanding feelings of insecurity and inadequacy magically disappear. Once he'd adjusted to life "after the medal" he moved from the stress and excitement of competing to the relative relaxation of show skating and commentating with great success, just as I'm sure you'll move relatively smoothly (there's always gonna be some tough patches, darlin') into your status as healthy, fit and happy weight-goal achiever (and maintainer)!

P.S. Sorry for the length of this post...
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Old 08-17-2005, 08:21 PM   #15
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Jennifer -- I don't know what to add to all the great posts, except this thinking about food and exercise DOES get easier!! Honest!! It gets second nature like brushing your teeth, putting your makeup on. It does not however get perfect, I don't think anyone at 3FC is aiming for perfection, although we do try ... Also do NOT feel bad for whinning because you're not, you're here for support and there's a difference, 3FC is here for the good times and the bad... take care hang in there
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