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weight loss surgery failures.

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Old 06-21-2005, 11:11 AM   #1
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Default weight loss surgery failures.

There is a guy at work that has come in to teach a class for us. He used to work where I do. He had WLS and is now gaining all his weight back. I feel so bad and just want to talk to him but I don't know him that well and things like that would probably not come accross to well anyway. I just can't help thinking how bad he must feel about himself. I know I felt bad enough after gaining my weight back. I can't imagine how you must feel if you had surgery thinking this would end all your troubles and then find out you can gain it all back.

I guess I'm just here talking about it because it's on my mind so much. We all share the same thoughts about weightloss and the fear of gaining it back. So I know how he is feeling and I just hurt for him. I wish I had a pill for everyone to take so they could be done with this problem but as we all know it's just a lot of hard work.

Well enough rambling. Not even sure why I posted this. Like I said I just can't help thinking about it.
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Old 06-21-2005, 11:39 AM   #2
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He has to feel like he's drowning. Bless his heart!!! I have thought about the surgery, but am too afraid of exactly that....gaining it back. My feelings of failure would be too much to bear. I know it's not a 'guy' thing, but what about a card? That would let him know you are thinking about him without him having the pressure to respond if he feels he can't at this time.
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Old 06-21-2005, 12:03 PM   #3
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It is disheartening to see that. I wonder if he didn't get the support he needed afterward or felt like he could handle it on his own. You might post something over on the WLS threads and see what they say.

It breaks my heart to see a couple of my coworkers not even attempting to eat healthier/exercise while it gets harder and harder for them to walk 20 steps to the bathroom.
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Old 06-21-2005, 12:47 PM   #4
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What a heartbreaker! *sighs* WLS is NOT the cure-all some people seem to think it is. If you do not change your habits, the weight can begin to creep back on. The human body is amazingly adaptive to the things we do to it.

One of the strong reaons I started eating healthier a couple years ago, and really working out, was my cousin who had WLS. She and I were the fat girls in the family. She stopped by to see me when she came through the area, and she looked and felt wonderful after her surgery. She'd lost 110 pounds in a year.

It was a tempting thought. And I looked into it fairly seriously. Not enough to talk to a doctor about it, but talked with some of my friends who have done it, and did a lot of research online. My conclusion was that it's not for me. It's too drastic, and too restrictive a lifestyle to adjust to. And if I work hard, I should be able to lose the weight. Maybe not 110 pounds in a year. But one pound a week will bring that off in two years. And I'll be making better choices and learning better habits as I do.

I don't know what, if anything, you can do for your co-worker. He's gotta be beating himself up each time he steps on the scale. I know I do when I'm gaining. But if you have a chance to talk to him, casually, about health issues in general, maybe he'll get a feeling he can talk to you about "The Weight Thing" if he needs to.
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Old 06-21-2005, 05:17 PM   #5
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Howie, you're a great friend to even have those thoughts, and I think a card is a good idea. Even if it's just to say if you want to talk I'm here.

I seriously considered approaching my doctor about the surgery, but then I really thought about it, and realised it was my brain that needed the surgery, not my body, so that's what I have been working on. Until this year I thought losing weight was about what you eat, but it isn't, it's about how you think.

I have a loooooooonnnnnnggggg way to go, but I feel now that I can do this, and really, it's only because of you guys. Before I joined this group, I thought I was alone, that I was such a loser for allowing myself to get so fat. It was only when I started posting here that I realised positive thinking was the only way to go, and only when I started accepting myself the way I am, can I start to change.

Your all so important to me.
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Old 06-21-2005, 05:27 PM   #6
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Talking Synger, thanks for the perspective!

Quote:
Originally Posted by synger
Maybe not 110 pounds in a year. But one pound a week will bring that off in two years. And I'll be making better choices and learning better habits as I do.
I love that thought!!!
I don't know why that never occured to me.
110 pounds or more seems insurmountable but looking at it one pound a week makes it possible and achievable -- Synger, thanks for the perspective.
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Old 06-21-2005, 05:59 PM   #7
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Howie - you are such a kind person to be thinking that way about this guy. Why don't you just say a few, sensitively phrased, words to him? You never know, he might really value some support.......At least, then you will know you reached out a hand and tried to help.....even if he's not able to take that hand right now, he will know that there is someone around to help when he needs it....
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Old 06-21-2005, 09:24 PM   #8
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Ugh, that seriously breaks my heart.. I'm with you Howie, I wish there was a "miracle" pill that you could take to lose all this weight. And you're such a soft-hearted man for even thinking of him... Maybe you should try talking to him? Just offer your support.. .I'm sure he knows that you're working hard to lose weight too, maybe you could be a great support system for each other?
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Old 06-21-2005, 09:46 PM   #9
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Well enough rambling. Not even sure why I posted this. Like I said I just can't help thinking about it.....


maybe it's because, as this old french expression says "Tu as le coeur la bonne place"......Translation: "You have the heart at the right place"
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Old 06-23-2005, 12:42 AM   #10
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I still have not decided wether to say anything or not. Everyone at work is talking about him and they are even watching what he eats. Someone gave me a report when I got to work today about how much he had gained and what he was eating. I'm thinking you have no idea what he is going through or what I go through not to eat. It's hard and people who have never been this heavy have no idea what it's like to have a food addiction. It just sucks.
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Old 06-23-2005, 02:54 AM   #11
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Oh, that "let herself go" one really gets to me, too. I'd not thought about that in a while. I know a guy who is afraid the woman he marries will some day "let herself go" and "balloon". Crazy-making conversation there! Choice words!

Howie, maybe just something as simple as "hey, let's go to lunch". You know it's going to come up, for he'll probably bring it up himself if it's just the two of you.
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Old 06-23-2005, 03:17 AM   #12
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I can just imagine how that poor guy feels. Don't think either that he doesn't know that everyone is watching what he is eating. He knows and I'm sure that just makes him feel worse. I understand wanting to talk to him and offer some support and encouragement but how to start that conversation? I'm thinking a card or an e-mail would be a good start or the other suggestion of going out to lunch. I'll bet all of us have that fear of losing the weight and then gaining it back. It's gotta be even worse having the surgery because here you've put your life at risk having surgery and the associated pain with surgery and now it was all for nothing. Just goes to show that sadly there are no instant cures for obesity.
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Old 06-23-2005, 09:26 AM   #13
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I guess it makes me mad too because I'm getting more and more comments about larger people at work now that I'm not so large anymore. I also know these same people were making these same comments about me when I was heavier. I'm sure some may still be. I'm still the same person the comments still apply to me in my mind even if I'm not that heavy guy anymore.
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Old 06-23-2005, 09:36 AM   #14
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Howie ~ you are so kind to have concern for that fellow at work. I sure hope there is some way that you could talk to him or something. Kimberly is fortunate to have such an understanding person in her life. (Wish you could give my husband some lessons.)

I wish I could print this and have my husband read it. He has heard of the weight loss surgery, but I don't think he knows much about it, and kind of just thinks that it would fix everything and that would be the end of it. He has kind of suggested that that is the route I should go, and acts kind of disgusted with me that I don't agree with him. My weight has been an issue between us since the begining of our relationship. At the start of it, I was only a little overweight (only maybe 20 pounds instead of 90). My weight has just kept creeping up over the years ~ my dr once said that I "medicate" myself with food ~ yes, that is me ~ eating when I am stressed or depressed . Anyway, my DH thinks I should do the WLS. From what I understand, you have to learn a whole new way of eating and change your ways, or you will end up in the fix of Howie's coworker. That is the part I don't think my husband understands. To me, if I have to learn a new way to eat and change my ways, that is the same thing I need to do to lose the weight without the surgery. So, I am not wanting to do the surgery, scared of the risks and all.

The things Pookie was telling about how she has to fight for every pound she has lost after her surgery instead of the wieght "falling off" like it does for some people was kind of a learning thing for me. I guess I don't know as much as I should about the surgery, because I thought the weight came off easy, and didn't realize that for some people it is such a struggle to lose it after the surgery.

Anyway, my husband has blinders on when it comes to this weight thing which is so aggravating for me, and I think in part is why the road to my goal has been so hard. He just does not understand, and any attempt I try to explain things to him does not help, he sees it as another excuse and we just end up more frustrated with each other.

He was always the thin one who could eat anything and never gain. Then a few years back, it caught up with him and he put on about 50 pounds. He struggled to lose and found the battle hard. I felt bad for him, but at the same time felt that maybe he finally understood what it was like to try to lose weight. At his yearly dr's visit, the dr put him on a 1000 calorie diet and told him to walk every day. In a matter of months, he got the weight off and has kept it off for a few years now. Now we are back to frustration. He kind of acts all pompous ~ like he has all the answers to this weight loss thing. He says that I could lose my weight too if I did exactly as he did. (Another frustration in all this is that when he lost the weight ~ I cooked the food, figured all the calories and measured if for him ~ he did none of that work ~ just ate what I fixed him ~ I was glad to help him, but he didn't do part of the work. Also now, he has figured out how much to eat and maintain with out having to exercise at all ~ he hates exercise.)

He is a smart man, but he does not seem to be able understand at all. He is a guy and I am not, and the weight comes off different I think for guys sometimes. And that he is a completely different person than I am ~ like my using food to cope with my problems ~ and there just seems to be no reasoning any of this with him. HE JUST DOES NOT UNDERSTAND, and seems to not WANT to.

I am sorry to have gone on so long ~ reading this thread just brought thoughts to mind, and I needed to "talk" to someone, and kind of felt like probably someone here would understand. If you made it through this post, thank you for listening.
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Old 06-23-2005, 09:51 AM   #15
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I'm sorry you don't have a husband who understands your problems. Maybe you should print this out for him. Women do lose different and what worked for him may or may not work for you. I know it would not work as quick for sure. People who don't have that conection or addiction to food don't understand. Does he have some other addictive habbit that you could liken it to. Smoking, Drinking, even Porn for some guys. Maybe then you could get it through his head the struggles you deal with.

I don't know what else to say except that we are all here to support you.
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Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever
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