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So close, but . . .

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Old 04-23-2005, 10:42 AM   #1
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Hi Guys!

According to the scale, I have lost 95 pounds in the last 10 months! Im am so amazed, bewildered, excited . . . My first goal is in sight. I promised myself that I would lose 100 pounds before the next Sammy Hagar show. Now, the show is 2 weeks away and I am 5 pounds away and I am NOT going to miss by a single pound! I have everyone on this board to thank for just being their own wonderful, loving and supportive selves! Watch out Sammy! Here I come! I wonder if how he would feel knowing what he's inspired? LOL!

Now here's where I'm confussed. I've lost so much, so why do I still feel like a big tub of lard? Ideally I plan to loose another 25 pounds and then decide if that's where I want to stay or go a bit lower. 165 gives me a BMI in the high normal range. 145 in the low normal range. Someplace between there will be my goal. But still, even this close, I hate the way I look and I still feel like people are always staring at me and I am constantly looking at women thiner than I am and comparing myself and feeling like a cow. Is this normal? Will it ever go away? Even if I obtain a normal body weight, will I always feel so fat inside?
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Old 04-23-2005, 11:52 AM   #2
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Awesome progress! And with the 5 lbs. before the concert As for still feeling to big...I'm afraid of that too,but at this point,I haven't lost enough to really tell.I mean I feel better and can fit into clothes better,but it's been so long since I was at a more normal weight....I just don't know how I'll feel.
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Old 04-23-2005, 12:38 PM   #3
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I'm still where I need to lose 100, but I couldn't help posting to say congratulations! That's quite an accomplishment.

It would make sense to me that it takes a while for the brain to catch up. For every 10 lbs I lose I feel like I have to readjust how I see and think of myself.

I know Rob and I tend to make a lot of "fat" jokes between ourselves, mostly because I don't want to take it all and myself too seriously. Still, what we say to ourselves about ourselves can have a big effect.

I mean, if someone started making fun of someone you love in a mean way, you'd probably flip your lid, right? so, in the same vein, why beat up on yourself? Hope that makes sense and helps.
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Old 04-23-2005, 02:42 PM   #4
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It's definitely normal. It will get better as your brain starts to catch up with your new body, but it is possible that it may never go away all together. Even now, after about 1 1/2 years of maintenance, I still have "fat" days where I just feel huge and very self-conscious. But I've been obese all of my life, so I can understand how this is gonna take some time. Just remember that it is normal, and when those feelings strike try to do something that reminds you of how far you've come. Like comparing before and after photos, trying on some clothing you kept from when you were bigger and seeing how it just falls off you now, etc. You've done an amazing job, so try not to let the "head stuff" get in the way of enjoying your success. Good luck!

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Old 04-23-2005, 06:29 PM   #5
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Congrats, Shelley -- I'm so impressed by your progress. And good luck on meeting your Sammy goal, BUT... please don't beat yourself up if you don't make it. Sometimes our bodies just don't want to stick to our arbitrary timetables. You have done an amazing job, 5 pounds or no!

Girl, I am feeling you regarding your head catching up with your loss. You & I are about the same weight (although you've lost more than I have!), and I'm going through the same thing. On one hand, I'm thrilled that I've lost the weight I have, but the more time passes, the more impatient and self-critical I seem to get. So my waist is smaller? Yeah, but my belly is still huge! My collarbones are popping up like crazy? Yeah, but my arms are still so jiggly and fat. I'm finally confident enough to take a bellydancing class, for goodness sakes? Yeah, but I'm still the biggest one in there. I can shop at "normal size" stores now but still feel nervous before walking in, like an alarm is going to go off any minute alerting the staff to an IMPOSTER in their ranks. Yeah, I know exactly how you're feeling!

Bev, I'm so glad you said this gets a little better. Maybe it's good that it doesn't disappear completely. If we ever took for granted how far we've come, maybe it would be easier to go back there (this keeps me up at night)...
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Old 04-23-2005, 08:44 PM   #6
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Oy, do I ever hear you!! First - congratulations, you've done a magnificent job. Second, I think we've spent so many years being critical of our appearance that we extend that mindset to our successes, too ("wow, I've lost so much weight, BUT...") I think it has a lot to do with being driven to succeed and see tangible results. That drive sometimes doesn't allow us to fully appreciate what we've accomplished because we're still chasing that elusive goal. It really helps for me to hear Boiaby say that once you're actually there, then you eventually feel "normal" and satisfied.

As for my experience, I wasn't overweight until my 40s when a combination of creeping middle-age spread and quitting smoking resulted in my dangerous weight gain. Its funny, before my huge weight gain I never thought of myself as overweight at 140 (even though I'd been between 120-130 most of my adult life), yet when I got back down to the mid 150s (before my frustrating gainback) I still felt FAT. Talk about mind games we play with ourselves. Let's stop being to hard on ourselves and stop striving for perfection. Let's be happy with healthy, fit and normal (and by saying normal I don't mean ordinary - we're all such unique people!)
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Old 04-27-2005, 07:06 AM   #7
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Thanks for all the support and encouragement. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone. I love being in such great company!
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Old 04-27-2005, 12:33 PM   #8
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I am having one those days today and yesterday. I just feel like whats the use but I know whats the use. It's to be healthy. It's not about looking like some prefect modle. Still it's a hard feeling to shake.
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