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I really HATE myself!

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Old 04-15-2005, 12:43 AM   #1
katie
 
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Unhappy I really HATE myself!

Okay, Im 230lbs, and im 5'6. I really am beginning to hate myself. I KNOW I need to diet, and lose this weight..but I keep cheating! It seems if i restrict myself, I go on a binge and eat all the restricted foods. Im on(or trying to be on) the South Beach Diet...This is what i ate today:
Breakfast-2 boiled eggs, and asparagus
Snack-1 String Cheese(part skim mozzarella)
Lunch-I had a bowl of mixed greens from a can(mustard greens, and turnip I believe)
Snack-well this is where i screwed up and had 2 bowls of Almond Mocha Fudge Icecream
Supper-Steak(lean) with butter beans
Dessert-Around 9pm-another bowl of icecream

Its the icecream that screwed me up...and I just threw the whole thing away so I wouldnt eat it anymore. I wasnt hungry for the icecream,. just had a craving...Why cant I stay on my diet? Why do I stray to the extreme? I should weigh around 140, and I hate how I look, but cant seem to do anything about it Im 21 in a few days, and way too young to be this heavy. I have 2 small children, 1 girl who will be 2 in May, and a 4mos old girl....so sometime getting in exercise is really hard. My dh is 6'1 300 lbs, and should be 215 and he brings home junk all the time and screws up my diet and his supposed to be on a diet.
Any advice would be appreciated
Katie
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Katie-21. Goal Weight 150 by December 2005.
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Old 04-15-2005, 03:51 AM   #2
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Hi,
My name is Virginia and I am 220 pounds (was 230) and only 5'4".
I know exactly how you feel
I do hope you will cut yourself some slack though.
You actually did well today! Think about it. If you hadn't been following the SB Plan, how much would you have eaten? If you're anything like me, you saved yourself a lot of calories
You are also at a very vulnerable time in your life having
very recently had a baby. 4 months isn't that long and our emotions
can get the best of us.
I agree that there are times that I see myself in the mirror and I just can't stand myself. You know though, it's not when I am taking care of myself that I feel that way (you know, taking time to do my hair, make-up, staying with a good eating plan etc.) It is when I feel out of control, then I feel ugly.
It is absolutely no fun.
Do you think you would do better with a tangable support group?
WW is a great group for support and accountability.
The best one I have ever experienced ( I wish they had a group here)
is a group called PRISM. I just know that I need to know that someone else is "out there" that I need to answer to.
I am just getting started with my journey (again )
I am deciding on a plan to stick to (it really doesn't matter which one, it all boils down to... eat less, lose weight. Just pick one and work on it)
I know that if I eat better most of the time that the weight will come off. Sure, I would love to eat better all of the time but that isn't realistic for me.
I can not allow the times that I splurge or get out of control to stop me from picking back up going on. I will win if I keep going!
Don't quit and please don't hate yourself. You are so like most of us here.
We care how you feel about yourself.
Let me encourage you to find some folks who are following the same program you choose to follow and keep a daily accountability going.
I am looking forward to hearing more of your journey.

The Lord bless you,
Virginia
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Old 04-15-2005, 09:01 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof10
I know that if I eat better most of the time that the weight will come off. Sure, I would love to eat better all of the time but that isn't realistic for me.
I can not allow the times that I splurge or get out of control to stop me from picking back up going on. I will win if I keep going!
Katie, you are not alone. I started out good at the begining of the year, and went for like 2 months with out messing up, then came a vacation and well, I haven't gotten back the same drive that I began with. I get discouraged ~ I measure, and count, and write it all down, exercise and the weight is so slow to come off. I know it didn't get on there over night, but I feel like when I am really trying, it just ought to be coming off a little faster. I have been sturggling with similar feelings lately. I like what Virginia said ~ they were words that I needed to hear too. So, I will keep working on it.

Don't give up Katie ~ you can do it.
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:32 AM   #4
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Dont' beat yourself up Katie, especially over a bad day. Climb back on the dieting horse and try again.
Probably the hardest thing for me to overcome when I started my diet was my husband. Altho I don't think he meant to sabotoge me, he was difficult to eat around. Often times he would urge me to eat food, even if I wasn't hungry, it was something we ended up having to sit down and talk about.
As far as advice, I log all of my food before I eat it. It makes me think about the calorie of the foods I eat, before they go in my mouth and it's too late. Don't give up tho Katie, you really can do it!
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Old 04-15-2005, 12:28 PM   #5
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It seems to me that the first thing you have to do is get your husband on board with you guys losing weight. If he doesn't want to lose weight then that's fine but he should respect you enough to support you. You guys are both young and probably don't feel the effects of being overweight yet but it doesn't take long before it starts to break your body down. Actually it doesn't sound like your diet was too bad except for the ice cream. Can you buy low fat ice cream or sorbet or frozen fat free yogurt? Then you'd feel like you are having a treat without all the extra calories and fat.

Don't hate yourself, hate your fat by all means but don't hate yourself. You are not what you see in the mirror, you are a beautiful person inside and I know you want the outside to look and feel as good as the inside. That's going to take some time and hard work but you can do it!
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Old 04-15-2005, 01:07 PM   #6
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Kudos to you for throwing away the ice cream. I have problems following restrictive diets because then I start that mentality battle of cheating and wanting to give up. If I have a "diet" tell me I can't have something then I only want to eat more and more of it.
I agree that your meal sounds very reasonable, even with all the ice cream.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over that one meal. I entered your food into my fitday journal and it shows you had just over 2000 calories (I figured 1 c. for your veggies, 4 oz. for your meats and about 4 cups of ice cream). You have to remember that one meal or one day isn't what got you to where you are. Put this day behind you and move forward. It is a new day and a chance to start fresh.

You can do this.
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Old 04-15-2005, 01:19 PM   #7
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I know so well what you're talking about! For me, I can't follow a diet. I just can't. I will for awhile, and then I'll have an "equal and opposite" binge. No matter how much diets bill themselves as "lifestyle changes," they are still forms of restrictive eating, and that for me is a recipe for disaster. I accept that (most of the time, although I'll occasionally feel lured by false hope when a new "eating plan" comes out).

I suggest (and what has worked for me) is to start with exercise. It's easier for me to do something affirmative than to deprive myself of something. Start slowly (like 3x a week), and build up to 4-5x a week. Choose something you'll love. I know it's difficult to find time with young children, but it's worth it. After a few weeks of exercising, you'll find yourself wanting eating less, without any effort. And you'll start to firm up, which will increase your motivation. I suggest that each time you're going to eat, you ask yourself, "what is the best choice I can make for myself that will nourish me and satisfy me?" Sometimes it will be a salad. Sometimes it will be ice cream.

These are just some suggestions that have worked for me, but every person is different. Be gentle with yourself, though! Being mean to yourself will not make you lose weight and will be a bad example to your kids. Good luck!
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Old 04-15-2005, 02:26 PM   #8
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Lots of great advice already given here. I am wondering how you are doing today??

Self love is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Why are we so easy to accept the shortcomings of others and not ourselves. You can do this and you are worth it!!!
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:14 PM   #9
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Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! Today I did okay, and I am feeling okay about eating, although today didnt even eat that great mainlyb/c we were out and about and just didnt have the time. I did feel guilty but not so bad b/c i was actually hungry when I ate today.

Im thinking maybe about starting a different diet that doesnt restrict at all, grilled/baked foods, no fried, veggies, lots of water, fruits, and then sugar free, fat free icecream or fudgesicles. And as someone suggested, lots of exercise. I was 160lbs about 3 years ago before I got pg with my first daughter, so I havent been this weight for long(i was 212 when i got pg with 2nd daughter). DH has agreed to go on the diet and stay on it, so hopefully that will work. Thanks for all the advice and support!
Katie
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Mom to 2, MacKenzie(5-26-03), Madelyne(12-17-04)

4-03-05-230
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:39 PM   #10
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You've received some excellent advice here and I'm glad you're doing better today. I just wanted you to read my second signature line, because whenever I'm really pissed off at myself I remember wise Goddess J's words - ain't it the truth!
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