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Old 03-14-2005, 02:37 PM   #1
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Unhappy Help, I feel like giving up

Hello all, this is a hard one for me to write coz I am not very good at asking for help. I have had a great two months, and now it's starting to get really hard. I knew it would, but didn't know how to prepare for it.

For some reason, no idea what, I burst into tears at work today. I just feel like things are getting on top of me, and I lost it. I got sent home (on full pay) to sort myself out. All I want to do is eat. I have resisted so far, and had a long bubble bath instead of a binge. And a walk to my local library, which has been almost shut down and has lost over half its books, that did not help my low mood.

I am feeling really lonely. I am doing this on my own, with help from the instructor at my works gym, and he doesn't really understand the emotional aspects of over-eating, and some of the reasons behind my initial weight gain (loooonnnggg story). don't really want to join weight watchers or some other support group, but maybe I should, I just don't think I can do this alone with just web based support. Living in the North of England with no family or friends around me is getting me down. There isn't anyone here I can really talk to, and my two best friends at work are leaving. I just feel so isolated.

I guess I just wanted a shoulder and a bit of and sympathy.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-14-2005, 02:43 PM   #2
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You've got a shoulder here!!!! I'm sorry you're feeling so blue. Good for you for not turning to food yet to deal with this . I don't know if I could have been so strong. I don't really have any advice (I'm a big-time emotional eater, too), but I'm sure others here will. I just wanted you to know I care.
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Old 03-14-2005, 02:55 PM   #3
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I'm sorry to here you are having such a hard time. I think you really would benifit from joining a group like weight watchers. It sounds like you really need to conect with people and that would be a good way to do it. Don't make yourself go at it alone. Good for you for not eating to fix the problem. You can do this. I hope you are feeling better.

I think the feeling of giving up hit me the first time at 2 1/2 months. I gained 8 pounds. Then agian in another 2 months and I gained 9 pounds. Then yet again at the holidays where I gained 8 more pounds. The thing is I just got right back at it and I'm down 105 over the past year. So don't give up. These feelings will pass. If you do end up going off plan just get right back at it. If you can stay on plan you will be so much stronger for doing it. I wish you well and you will be in my prayers.
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Old 03-14-2005, 03:12 PM   #4
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Hey, just wanted to throw in my support as well. I think the emotional part of losing weight is really, really the hardest, even when you have a good local support system (which it sounds like you don't ). To be honest, I felt like you through much of the weekend... last night I was begging my husband to order a pizza, and I haven't done anything like that in months.

I seriously think a change in the weather will help us a lot. I know it sounds trite, but this time of the year is always SOOO hard (and I would imagine the North of England is even more dreary than the Northeast U.S. at this time of the year!).

You're also right about trainers -- many of them have no idea what it's like to be overweight or out of shape. I explained to my trainer this weekend that I had never been athletic my whole life -- always near the end of the pack in gym class, etc., and she looked at me like I was a complete alien, not in a cruel but just a completely oblivious way.

Please don't be afraid to use this board as much as you need to for support. We are here for you! Hang in there, and PM me anytime if you want to! But whatever you do, don't give up. You can do this!!!!!!
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Old 03-14-2005, 03:20 PM   #5
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Good for you for asking for help! I'm proud of you

You have done such a good job already, you don't really want to let go of that do you? I agree with Howie, maybe WW is a positive option for you.

I gave up on myself and on my plan twice in the past and allowwed myself to gain all I had lost back and I felt worse about myself than being stuck on that darn plateau forever! I am fortunate enough to have a roommate/best friend who is on my plan with me and keeps me in check. I know that having a buddy helps me.

Best of luck to you on your decision...
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Old 03-14-2005, 03:48 PM   #6
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Each of us has it’s own demons and i don’t know much about your story. However, being an emotional eater myself, i get a sense of how you are feeling right now. Even if I was raised in a “boys don’t cry” environment, lots of times have I experienced violent emotions surfacing while on diet….



As people before mentioned, joining a group may be a good idea.. You’d also be very surprised how in the long run, a group like 3FC, can help when times get rough….. We may be very distant from a geographic point of view, but our common goal makes us closer to each other.



Don’t give up and keep us posted….
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:32 PM   #7
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(((BIG HUG))) We've all been right where you are at. When you have a lot to lose, it seems like after a couple of months that honeymoon of easy losing is over and all that you have left to lose can seem overwhelming.

I subscribe to the www.skinnydaily.com post and this came the other day. It sure helped me out.
Quote:
‘Tis the Season to Recommit


» by juju on March 9, 2005


Okay, here we are, a couple of months into the new year. The resolutions have petered out, the gyms are clearing, the fitness-commitment honeymoon is over. And research bears it out, two months is about as long as most resolutions and new diets last.


We can’t be blamed. We have completely erased our old way of eating and exercising and replaced all our old comforts with new habits that don’t quite fit. We hate the food, hate the exercise, hate the expense, the time. The diet book is dog-eared, memorized, Xeroxed. We know the rules, signed on to support websites to learn more, cooked the recipes. And we’ve had just about as much vanilla-flavored ricotta cheese as we can hold. (We are so over vanilla-flavored ricotta cheese.) We’ve lost a little weight, but not enough, not what we hoped for, not like that first week. Forget this. We are bound for buttered bagels.


Okay but pause. Breathe. Remember back in that diet book where it talks about plateaus, where it mentions that the first weeks of the diet will be followed by a period of slower losses? Remember everything you’ve ever read that says a healthy rate of weight loss is 1 to 2 pounds per week at the maximum? Yeah, I know, you’re capable of more, but aiming for more is exactly why most people can only diet for about two months. They take off about 8 pounds, exhaust themselves in the process, and slide back into their old habits.


But remember when you began? Wasn’t that exciting? You had your reasons. Now you need to reconnect, find a good reason to stay in the game. It would be a shame to quit now, because the hardest part is behind you. You’ve already learned a new way to eat and to move. You’ve already reordered your life around this effort. You’ve already invested all that energy and time into difficult foundation building. The rest of the work — sticking to your new program to build your health slowly over time — takes mere persistence. It doesn’t take courage, a leap of faith, hope, time, or money. It just takes persistence, clear goals, priorities.


If you’re thinking of giving up on your new exercise and eating program, stop and think — what goals did you have for starting the program to begin with? Was it better health, a trimmer body, to run faster, jump higher, endure more, sleep more soundly? Did you want to be able to keep up with your kids? To fit in the bathtub? To climb a flight of stairs without wearing out? Write all of your reasons down.


Now think about the importance of each of these goals in your life. For each goal, rate the importance from 10, a very high priority, to 1, a nice-but not life-altering goal. For me, avoiding diabetes gets a 10. Sleeping well every night gets an 8. Having enough energy for everything I do is an 8. Getting back into a smaller pair of jeans is a 4 (Should be a 2, but I’m vain). Now think about the other goals and priorities you have in your life right now. Your family. Your community. Your work. How do these health goals stack up against the rest of your life’s goals? How important are they compared with, say, getting a promotion at work, or teaching your kid to read?


See where I’m going here? I’m asking that you don’t quit because you are bored, but that you make a more informed decision. If your goals for exercise and weight loss are outranked by other goals and priorities in your life right now, then by all means quit, or better yet, scale back on the diet, but keep the exercise going. But if you need the exercise and weight loss to meet those other goals, as I do, then giving up is not the answer. Recognizing the priority your good health plays in your life right now may be the boost you need. Think about it. I will if you will.


» by juju on March 9, 2005
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:22 PM   #8
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Boy that is great Dawnyal. I had gotten behind on my skinny daily and had not read that one yet. Sure is good advice. I will have to post that one on my site.
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Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:23 PM   #9
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Hi Kykaree,

I know it's hard to ask for help or say you feel alone - so well done for sharing your feelings with us instead of the biscuit barrel!

Personally, I don't think WW (UK) are geared to help those with emotional reasons for overeating - more than anything, the classes are so full that the leader barely has time to weigh everyone. I went for 2 months and the leader never even knew my name! You may find additional support there, but you may not - my group was basically a (slim) pensioners social clique and I never fitted in. It depends what you are looking for from WW though - if it is a little bit of lighthearted chat and support and the discipline of a weekly weigh in then go for it - but it sounds to me as though your problems go deeper than that and you need more - this was the same for me

I'd like to suggest that you consider seeing a counsellor who specialises in eating disorders. That is what I am doing and it has helped me alot to deal with the emotional side of overeating. It feels so good to talk to a counsellor who is specially trained in these issues and who doesn't judge. Contact the eating disorders association (I found mine in the yellow pages). Some do private work or NHS work on referral from your doctor.


Hope this helps - you are not alone!

Love Amanda x
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:53 PM   #10
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I second what Amanda has said. Sounds like you might be coping with some tough issues and need more support than what a weight loss group can give you.
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Old 03-14-2005, 09:30 PM   #11
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I think it depends on the WW group. If you allow them to, the other members at any meeting I have been to are great. Are you doing WW? If not, something like TOPS might be a good idea too. A weekly meeting, lots of support and more open discussion.

No matter what, we are here for you. Knowing that someone cares, seeing that someone else posted, sometimes is just enough to get through a rough spot.

You are doing great...don't give up now!! I am very proud of you for coming here instead of turning to food. One step at a time.

Keep us posted!! (((HUGS)))
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Old 03-14-2005, 11:13 PM   #12
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I'm proud of you, too! It's steps like this that seem insignificant, but I think will wind up making all the difference. Keep strong.
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Old 03-15-2005, 12:15 AM   #13
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I suspect I'm an emotional eater as well.. and when I'm feeling blue, I want coke, and anything with lots of sugar in it. I don't know what advice I can give you, but! You are not alone! Perhaps seeing a professional will help? I have spent a lot of time talking to someone who is trained with overeating, emotional eating, and eating disorders. She has helped me SO much, and helped me kick a nasty eating disorder. Sometimes we aren't capable with dealing with these emotions on our own.... reaching out to someone can really make a difference Doesn't have to be a professional either.. We are all here for you, and feel free to PM me if you want/need anything

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Old 03-15-2005, 07:22 AM   #14
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I agree with Sandi that TOPS might be a good option. It's much less expensive than WW or similar groups (here, it's $20 per year and $5 per month), and they don't require you to follow a specific plan. They're basically just a support group that encourages healthy habits. I recently joined a TOPS chapter here. Some members are doing WW points, some count calories, some are doing low-carb...whatever the diet, we all just know we need support and help though the rough times. I'm not sure if there are TOPS chapters over there (maybe check at www.tops.org ?), but maybe you could find a similar type of group for assistance. Good luck, and keep up what you've already worked so hard for for the past few months!
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Old 03-15-2005, 07:50 AM   #15
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Thanks for the link, no TOPS in the UK only America and Canada. I haven't seen anything like that here. We have a few different slimming companies, but all with their own diet plans etc. I am quite happy with my diet and exercise, it's just the support and company that I'm missing. I am going to try and get an appointment with my doctor and see if he has any suggestions. In Australia I joined a weight loss support group in a hospital, and it was brilliant, and sounds very similar to TOPS.

I am feeling better today, survived all night without a blow out. I could have demolished fish and chips and a block of chocolate, but stayed on the straight and narrow.

Thank you very much for all of your support and suggestions, I'll stay in touch and let you know how I get on.
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