Motivation is my killer. I’ve been working at this on and off for almost two years and only managed to get off 70 lbs – which is better than gaining, better than maintaining at 374 lbs. But all I have to do is start thinking about loose skin or how I let myself get this way or how long this is going to take and I’m off track and it takes me weeks to get back on the beam and I have to make up all the damage I did…
But I think I’ve finally made a connection that will keep me on track for the long haul. I’ve done Optifast four times and their favorite diagram was the cycle of addiction. The point of the cycle of addiction was that the sooner you get out of the cycle, the less energy it takes to stop the cycle. I realized that my getting off track always starts with a thought. That thought starts a cycle of that always winds up with “it’s too late, it’s too hard, and I might as well…” whatever. It ends up with me comforting myself with food. So now I pay attention to my thoughts and whenever I start on that path, I look back on what I’ve done and I look forward to where I’m going.
I’ve learned you have to plan for motivation – it has to become a habit, too. You need the emotional energy to make this process livable – or else it just becomes work and everybody gets tired of working eventually. I have a little book where I’ve written little “movies” – really detailed visualizations -- of what it’s going to be like when I’ve lost the weight and set things up so I’ll look them over a couple of times a day to keep me focused on where I’m going. There’s inspirational quotes, the odd Dyer-esque affirmation, inspiring pictures, my list of reasons why I want to lose weight. It also has my daily check off list and my food diary.
There’s other actions you can take: use music that makes you feel good or inspired, watch movies and TV that inspire you (and avoid the ones that depress), write down your goals (Dilbert creator Scott Adams really believes in writing your goal down 14 times a day – he has a really interesting chapter about creating your realities), exercise for the fun of it (the dance like nobody’s watching theory), try Laurel Mellin’s cycles. Having actions you can take helps you focus on the positive, as opposed to always thinking about the things you can’t have and feeling deprived.
And being from the “Optifast culture”, I’m used to mammoth results quickly – if I didn’t lose 3-5 lbs in a week while on fast, I was accused of not following the plan. I can’t expect that now and I shouldn’t have done that then. It cost me not only a lot of money, it cost me a lot of muscle mass and a decent metabolism. And I always gained the weight back anyway. At 300+, I can’t really see how well my muscles are developing and I don’t see the changes in my body. But I can feel my legs getting stronger, feel how much better I walk. I’m learning, very slowly, how to love the little steps. I’m looking at how many miles on the treadmill, how fast I’m walking, tracking my weights and reps. I’m looking for consistency. I still want to see a couple of pounds every week and disappointed when I don’t. But I’ve got other numbers to look at to see progress so I’m not hanging my hat on that one number.
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