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Old 02-05-2005, 01:52 PM   #1
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Default I'm back...yet again.

Hey everyone..

It's been awhile since I've posted.. or been on plan. I work a full time job and go to school part time, so my time was already maxed out to the bringing point.. or so I thought. Then my mother got sick. She has been in and out of the hospital probably 6 times or so since Nov 2004. Most of the stays have been at least a week, so she has been in the hospital almost as much as out. I've just lost track. She in such bad shape, I'm just at my wits end. She is stable now but my father quit his job to take care of her! He is 71 and was very semi-retired - he still basically worked full time.

She is not only shown me very, very plainly that I need to seize control of my life and my health right now or face living the same kind of life in the future, but she has also put our family doctor ON A MISSION. We use the same family doc - she just has several more on her "medical team." He has told me to get on the baby wagon or get off of it because he wants me on hard-core meds RIGHT NOW but can't really prescribe them because I'm telling him that my husband and I are thinking of having kids. He has also always resisted the idea of weight loss surgery for me but now he isn't so immune to the idea. My health mirrors my mother's more than my father's. My father is very healthy and doesn't have any big issues. I stare at my future every day when I have deal with my mom and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to change it.

Work has gotten to be a big mess. My desk and work are out of control and behind. Home is no better. The house is wreck. Dust an inch thick everywhere. I'm behind in classes and school work. UGH!!

The only silver lining I guess at this point is the fact that I've lost a little bit and didn't gain any back. I think that was mostly from sitting at the hospital all day long and not eating anything because I was afraid to leave. I did that several days actually.

I feel like I'm just babbling now, so I'll stop.
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Old 02-05-2005, 11:10 PM   #2
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Jackie, congrats on the 13 lbs weight loss, that is a great achievement and wonderful that you have maintained that loss. I know that you are very concerned about your mom's health but don't forget you've got a life of your own and I don't think your mom would want your life to go to heck because of her illness. I can't tell you want to do or not do, I'm sorry to hear that things are in a mess for you. Can your husband help out at home, can you cut back on some classes for a bit until things are back on track? There's nothing wrong with asking for help. Does your workplace have any kind of human resources that offer counselling services or what about through your family doc? Just some thoughts. I went through some emotional stuff about a year and a half ago and made some bad decisions because I thought I could handle it all on my own. I should have reached out for help and I didn't. Of course hindsight is 20/20 but I offer these suggestions as someone who wishes she'd done things differently.
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Old 02-06-2005, 10:32 AM   #3
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Thanks for the reply, Jen. I was really stressing yesterday when I started thinking about going back on plan and carving out time for the gym again. I know I have to this for my sake and for my health. Doesn't mean I can't quietly wig out about in the meantime.

The one item I DID fling off my plate was trying to get pregnant. I put it on hold. My husband didn't really say much but I knew he was not happy about it. The only thing he said was I can't wait forever.

You're right. I need to ask for more help from everyone but I just have a hard time doing that. I've started (although a little late ). My dad did quit his job effective Jan 15, so that helps alot with mom's appointments and things. I aked my boss this week about the delegating issue when I have to call in because of her (he's not really good about it). So, I'll live. If it gets any worse, I'll suck it up and check on some therapy but I hope it doesn't come that.
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Old 02-07-2005, 10:57 AM   #4
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From a newbie here, so sorry to hear about your mom! I know the feeling about having stuff feel like everything is piling on you at once.

Maybe it would help to look at it that if you're taking care of yourself, feeling healthy and in control, you'll be a lot more able to take care of other people (and job projects).
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Old 02-07-2005, 12:40 PM   #5
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Welcome back Jackie - sorry to hear that your mum is sick.

Well done for taking control of your situation and speaking to your husband and boss about how much you are struggling right now. Thay may not be 100% happy about it but the most important thing at the moment is YOU - how you are feeling and coping. Facing the illness of a parent is very stressful and you just have to get through it as best you can.

Congrats on the weight loss - it all counts!

All the best

Love Amanda x
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Old 02-07-2005, 04:52 PM   #6
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Welcome back. So sorry to hear all about what is going on in your life right now. I hope your mother is getting better.

I know you said you put the pregnancy thing on hold but I was just going to let you know I was about 10 pound heavier than you are now when I first got pregnant and I didn't have any complications with it.
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Old 02-07-2005, 09:33 PM   #7
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thanks for the reply all..

Babygirl.. the baby issue is on hold but only til April/May time frame and then we will revisit the issue. Unlucky for me, I think getting pregnant will not be an easy thing for me and I will need some help probably. My ob/gyn has already written me a rx for clomid and some other med (don't remember the name) to help me get rollling when we are ready.. so we'll see. I figured April was enough time for mom's situation to sort and to see if her and dad can live with each other full time without strangling each other.

I feel better already actually. Letting my routines go and running around like a chicken with my head cut off is rather stressful. I never thought going to the gym would look appealing, but whatever works, I guess!
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HW 294.5 (07-31-04)
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GW 145ish

Mini-Goal #1 - 265 (10%)

All appears to change when we change. - Henri-Frédéric Amiel

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Old 02-09-2005, 01:02 AM   #8
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Welcome back, Jackie -- I really appreciated your sweet comment on my blog, and also your post here looking for me! I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's health these days. Please let the silver lining be a wake-up call for you to continue to move forward seriously and with purpose in reaching your goal of good health. Any baby you have is going to need that from you -- but you know that.

I just want to say that you CAN do this. You can. You have to make it a priority. You have to find a way to find a half hour a day for exercise, and another hour or two a week to prepare a bunch of chicken, brown rice, prepped salads and pre-portioned salad dressings in baggies.....or whatever to get your on-plan foods ready! You're eating something -- let it be the thing that supports your goals and gets you to a healthy place!

I'm rooting for you, Jackie. There is not a doubt in my mind that you have it in you to make the permanent changes you want to.
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