You have us here and your support system at home. Make sure you lean on us hard when you need to. We're here for you!
Take deep breaths. Get long hugs. Cry often but don't forget to giggle when you can (pop in some Monty Python when you can't bear to get another kleenex). This weekend will seem soooo long.
Oh man I did not see this yesterday. How scarry of a thing to go through Sarah. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know everything will go well for you Monday. Just try and keep your spirits up.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, Sarah. I know how difficult that period is waiting for the definitive knowledge of what you'll be facing. Its hard to come to grips with anything when you don't know exactly what you have to deal with. You're fully entitled to be scared and its only human nature to expect the worst, but I hope you can draw on that amazing positive energy you possess to help you through this. You've worked so hard to make your body fit and that, together with Lorraine's support and the support of all those who care about you, combined with your inner strength, is your greatest asset right now. Of course we all pray that the diagnosis will be one which has the least consequences to your health. You have a tremendous amount of good vibes headed your way, absorb them and take comfort.
I just wanted to check back in and tell you how much your in my thoughts. I don't have as nice of words like some of the other here but I care as much as all of them. I truly hope and pray the best for you.
I've been on a board break, so you might not even remember me.. but I wanted to let you know I'm sending all the good vibes I can your way.
Check in and let us know what's up as soon as you can. You have lots of friends here. You're always should a giver, here on the boards, with support for evryone. I'm like Howie. I'm not always good with words but know I'll be thinking of you, hoping things turn out ok.
I used to work for the American Cancer Society, so if you need any info, I'm your gal. PM me & I would be happy to direct you to the proper people.
The other thing I wanted to say is, ATTITUDE IS HALF THE BATTLE!!!!! When I read what you wrote about your diagnosis, I thought, "Wow, if anyone can kick cancer's ***, it's Sarah!". Please don't resign yourself to 'receive' anything, get ready to fight it with all your might!!!
And think about what that might has done for you thus far in life! Look how far you've come just in the months that you've been a part of this community! This won't be a piece of cake, but you always *did* love a challenge, right? There is no doubt in my mind that you can fight this.
Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please, please try and stay positive, it might be not as bad as what you think and even if it is that doesn't mean that you won't have a full recovery. Just have faith in yourself, you have accomplished so much in the past few months and you are going to be around to reach all your goals!!!
Hi everybody -- just a quick update. First though I really want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all of your inspirational and beautiful messages.
Ok, so I went to the surgeon today, and he had been prepared to do a needle biopsy, but he decided to forgo that in favor of total lymph removal, which is scheduled for Wednesday morning. He's going to try to get two of them -- two that are right near the surface and next to one another. Even one of them will yield much more conclusive results than a sample gained from a needle biopsy. He updated me on Friday's test results also. My white blood cell count is now even higher than it was the last time they tested it -- 16,500. There was some kind of liver function abnormality that he didn't say much about. The enlarged lymph nodes are apparently really, really numerous. In addition to being all along my collar bone, they're are big ones clustered around my jugular, and then there is a big cluster of big ones in my right chest. They range in size from 1.5-4 cm, with most of them in the 3-4 cm. size. Apparently when they're over 2 cm., some disease is indicated and they grow concerned. No lymph nodes in my armpits, groin, or abdomen that they know of. We ran down my history and symptoms -- which include recent night sweats, some memory loss, and lots of itching, and when we got to the weight loss portion of the picture, he started to note that "large weight loss" was another symptom, but I was like, "OH no -- I WORKED for every one of those intentionally lost pounds!" and told him how I'd done it. So at least we got to strike that off as a symptom! (And I didn't have to give up ownership for that success.) As a matter of fact, since I started taking prednisone for my breathing problems, my weight loss has slowed way down, and he said that was normal, so that helped me to feel a little better about both the weight loss not being illness-related, and my having slowed down.
So apparently where we are now is narrowing the illness down from some different choices. (I choose Chocolate Deprivation, thank you very much. I hear that one is debilitating! ) It's premature without the tissue, but apparently the front-runners are Lymphoma, Chronic Something-that-starts-with-an-L Leukemia, and Sarcoidosis. And the best of the three is the Sarcoidosis. (Gee, ya' THINK???) Oh yeah, and Esophogeal Cancer is another outside contender, because of my childhood lye-consumption poisoning and resulting predisposition for it -- but he said it doesn't usually manifest this way.
I'm going to work tomorrow, get the tests on Wednesday, work Thursday and Friday, and then he said that it's possible I could get the results by Friday. I sure hope so, because if I thought this weekend was bad, this next one would surely be even more hellish. I'm just praying it's something I can get through. If the treatments are **** on earth, I don't care -- I just don't want to die. My General Practitioner -- the one who expedited everything miraculously on Friday -- said that I should prepare myself for the worst, but hope for the best.
Thanks again for the incredible kindness and support. To say you guys are amazing just doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last edited by lessofsarahtolove; 12-13-2004 at 06:55 PM.
Reason: forgot something
Sarah, I have been waiting for your update ALL day and still have the butterfly feeling in my stomach reading your post. How are you holding up? I hope that you have been able to sleep and feel semi-normal these past few days. I just have a good feeling that things are going to work here. I have been thinking about you SO much and I just pray and pray and pray that this is all happening for a very good reason.
You are not leaving this earth so don't you worry.. You are a strong strong woman and I have no doubt in my mind that you will tackle whatever it is, head on.
I'm thinking about you and Lorraine. Please, please let me know if there is anything I can do.
Oh Sarah I am glad that you kept ownership of every pound lost. Huge huge hugs. I am thinking of you lots and lots. I am hoping for the best news!!
Only positive thoughts!!!
Sarah, I'm very glad to hear that they are going right for a removal rather than a needle biopsy. But hey there! Don't start thinking about the worst until afterwards. There is no sense in worrying just yet, you'll have plenty of time for that later. You've come too far in fighting to get to onderland to bail out on us now because of some illness, nope, no way, you don't get off that easy!
sarah - you're in GREAT hands with these docs, whoever they are. they are absolutely doing the right thing, and doing it all quickly. so be at peace. one of my friends knows of some healing meditation exercises. i'll ask her about them when i see her this week. NO, it probably won't cure CLL or lymphoma, but the taking-care-of-yourself aspect of them is VERY therapeutic in other ways.
darlin - NOW is the time to take VERY GOOD CARE of yourself.. gently. warmly. we're with you...
hey sarah. just popping in to let ya know i've been thinking about you girl. keep your head up. with all of us pulling for you you can kick whatever this is!
Honey, I'm sooooo sorry I missed this post. Ive been away for a couple weeks.... 
) It's premature without the tissue, but apparently the front-runners are Lymphoma, Chronic Something-that-starts-with-an-L Leukemia, and Sarcoidosis. And the best of the three is the Sarcoidosis. (Gee, ya' THINK???) Oh yeah, and Esophogeal Cancer is another outside contender, because of my childhood lye-consumption poisoning and resulting predisposition for it -- but he said it doesn't usually manifest this way.
