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Old 11-29-2004, 12:04 PM   #1
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Anyone else find that marriage can make weight loss or maintainance challenging?

I'm basically maintaining though I suspect I may have put on a few extra pounds in the last four months (haven't weighed for a while). I haven't quite adjusted yet to married life. It was easy to lose weight while I was single. I prepared most of my own meals and ate most of them alone. I planned well and my biggest challenge was avoiding emotional binging - eating when I was lonely or sad or bored or excited.

Now I'm eating more than I need for different reasons. One is emotional. I'm happy - and for me that means an urge to eat. Then there's a kind of competitiveness. We typically eat our dinner late at night when I get home. That's his big meal of the day. I see him eating plenty of food and I feel like if he gets to eat that much that I should get to eat that much even though I've eaten more during the course of the day and the fact is we are different people with different metabolisms.

I notice that my husband and I are different. We're both skinny, but he approaches food differently than I do. He eats until he's full and then he stops and doesn't want to eat anymore. I can eat until I'm full and it takes conscious effort to stop myself from eating more. In him it seems automatic. Something inside tells him he's full and he no longer has an urge to eat. I think when they were passing out those fullness indicators, I must have been in the wrong line.

We have different habits. He almost doesn't drink water. He loves coffee, and we typically have wine with dinner. So now, I drink alot of coffee, have been drinking less water, and have wine with dinner. He eats very light during the day - almost nothing for breakfast and then has a big meal with me at night when I get home from work. I eat a good breakfast, lunch, frequently a snack, and then the big meal at night.

We both like to eat basically healthy thankfully. We both love salad. We do eat more fat than I used to. Steve LOVES anything with cheese on it - particularly but not limited to pizza. I still have a major sweet tooth. My weaknesses are chocolate and mints. Sweets don't appeal to Steve and that's actually a help. We typically don't have a set dessert. I usually have a little bit of chocolate and sometimes Steve has a little bit with me. My problem is going back for more little bits of chocolate and mints.

Then there is exercise. I'm not getting as much as I used to. We're busy with tons of projects and I'm just not making time for exercise like I used to. I know I can and should. I just haven't been doing it.

I know I have some adjustments to make to maintain my weight loss. This is my next challenge.
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Old 11-29-2004, 12:34 PM   #2
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I was just thinking yesterday how much marriage truly can change a person (not just in the eating arena either). You know when you are single and out on the prowl, you take that extra five or so minutes to make sure every hair is in place, the makeup is put on correctly and heaven forbid if you go out of the house without having the appropriate body parts shaved. After the marital bliss is over, I find myself shaving my legs maybe once a month if that, wear makeup about twice a week only to try and pep me up some and my idea of actually fixing my hair may entail plugging in the curling iron to quickly curl my bangs before walking to the other end of the house to get up one child to put a fresh diaper on him and cloth him before getting up the other child to go pee pee in the potty and putting on her clothes. Oh and that didn't count on me climbing out of bed to head down to the other end of the house to get up the oldest child for him to get himself ready for school.

I think it's great that you both like to eat healthy and yes it will be an adjustment. I think you said it so well.

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Originally Posted by JML
I can eat until I'm full and it takes conscious effort to stop myself from eating more. In him it seems automatic. Something inside tells him he's full and he no longer has an urge to eat. I think when they were passing out those fullness indicators, I must have been in the wrong line.
I can honestly say that the majority of us here was in the same line as you when that thingamabob was passed out. I wish I had one of those mechanisms to tell it's time to stop and it's okay to stop eating the good food. But I know that I will struggle with that the rest of my life.

I too am struggling to get in my exercise. I was getting up early to do WATP tapes but now I just snuggle deeper into the covers each morning and tell myself, I can get in two miles tonight while the kids play. Yeah right. I'm still waiting on those two miles to walk themselves.

As long as you are aware that you might have to change a few habits and get back into some other ones, you will do fine.
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Old 11-29-2004, 01:23 PM   #3
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Yep...marriage does that to you! When I got married I gained about 30-40 pounds in the first year...of course there was a baby involved, but it wasnt really the reason, b/c I didnt loose it after, and even gined more after I had her. You know the "freshman 15" rule? Well I think theres a newlywed rule, too. THe good news is, that you realized it in time! You hav't let your marital bliss completly cloud your efforts. My husband wont touch food if he thinks its "diet" food. So, what I end up having to do is make two different meals! Its costly in time and money, and it SUCKS, but until he decides to eat better, I cant make him.
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Old 11-29-2004, 02:27 PM   #4
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Hi JML,
I saw this thread on the 3FC home page and couldn't resist having a peek. Welcome to maintenance, and congratulations on your marriage! I'm only a member of the half 100 pound club, but everything you said rings true for me too. I've been married for almost 27 years to a man with a metabolism and eating habits completely opposite from mine, and over the years 2 kids with (thank heavens) high metabolisms and normal "off" switches. I gradually just got fatter until about 3 1/2 years ago. It took me about 5 months to get the weight off, and I've kept it off, while lowering my body fat and increasing my muscle. And staying married The only way I've been able to do it is by sticking with what works for me- lighter and more frequent meals, water and exercise. I sit with my husband and family and will have a cup of herbal tea, some salad, a plate of vegies and lean protein while they eat if it's something that I know will cause problems for me. At this point in my life, I just can't gain and have to lose the weight again. It's too important and hard.

Come have a look at the Maintainers Forum- there are quite a lot of us there who have lost weight through many different ways and varying amounts. The one thing we all have in common is a desire to find a way to live this way for the rest of our lives.

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Old 11-29-2004, 02:45 PM   #5
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JML,

I'm not married (yet), but I moved in with my boyfriend about 6 months ago and I've been having a lot of the same thoughts that you have. When I lived by myself I had total control over what food was in the house, would eat several small meals during the day, worked out a lot in the evenings because there was no one else there.

My boyfriend has a very high metabolism, so it's frustrating to me that I can't eat as much as him. I used to eat very carefully all week so that I could have nice meals with him when we went out without worrying about it, and now I have to eat carefully when he's around.

We belong to the same gym, and we recently made a pact to motivate each other to exercise more often. I am not a morning person, but he will drag me out of bed at 6 AM to go to the gym with him. Similarly, I'll get up and go exercise on weekend mornings and now make an effort to bring him along with me.

I've also tried to learn how to be a better cook. Making interesting yet healthy meals makes it easier for me to eat the same food as him. I'm trying really hard to work on portion control, usually I eat half the meat or fish, half the grains, and twice the vegetables that he eats.

I think the most helpful thing for me was talking to him about the struggles I have with maintaining my weight. Now that he knows what I need to do to maintain my current weight, he's really good about encouraging me.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:34 PM   #6
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I was about 15 or 20 lbs overweight when I got married and it got higher through the years. I've been married for almost 10 years. My DH is a very picky eater and a meat 'n pasta kinda guy. He doesn't mind cooking and sometimes prefers it so he can make it his way. He will eat a salad every now and then but runs away from veggies. (I've tried sneaking them into things and he always knows - LOL) Not only are his tastes picky, but his eating habits are his own also. He doesn't eat breakfast during the week and will sometimes work through lunch. Sometimes when he comes home at night he wants dinner and other times a beer or nothing or a snack later.

I've always had a palate that preferred healthy food, but never had the inclination to go to the trouble to do what needed to be done and properly prepare the good stuff.
Since I never could predict his needs or wanted to go to the trouble of cooking healthy food for one I would usually just eat what he was eating (generally meat, pizza or pasta; sometimes the chips and dip dinner) or join him in a liquid bread (beer) dinner or have a frozen packaged meal.

Finally this year I said ENOUGH and began doing what I knew I had to do. This included saying bye to beer (now its wine but less often) and COOKING HEALTHY FOR ONE, after all we live in the age of the automatic dishwasher!! Even though I'm not at goal yet, its been smooth sailing and I feel great, look better and know that what I am eating provides the nutrients a body needs.

He used to make comments about my veggies (jokingly) but I got tired of it and told him that I didn't appreciate the humor. Now he only occaisionally complains about the smell, like my collard greens last Friday or my Brussels sprouts today.
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Old 11-29-2004, 06:33 PM   #7
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I definitely think this happens to alot of newly weds. I gained nearly 50 lbs after I got married. I noticed a lot of my friends who recently married going through the same trend. Maybe subconsiously our brains tell us that the snag and catch is done and so we can relax and just "go ahead with it" (meaning food). That lasts for about a year then BANG! There it is. 50 unwanted pounds, and then... reality sets in. WOW. I think its great that you've noticed it now! I sure didn't. You will be much more aware than say... I was!! Occasionally, I see myself over-indulging but after about a day or so of being off plan, I get back on it. Enjoy your newly wedded bliss... Adjusting to new schedules and habits takes a little bit of time but I know that you'll be ok. You're such an inspiration!!
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Old 11-30-2004, 11:04 AM   #8
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JML, you pic looks wonderful.I'm happily divorced but my adult son still lives at home and I cook for him.He eats very differant from me,proccesed food like corndogs and chicken nuggets,nothing green.Most times I'm not the least bit tempted that is until he brings home pizza or a big juicy hamberger with fries.
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Old 11-30-2004, 11:29 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a broad abroad
I was about 15 or 20 lbs overweight when I got married and it got higher through the years. I've been married for almost 10 years. My DH is a very picky eater and a meat 'n pasta kinda guy. He doesn't mind cooking and sometimes prefers it so he can make it his way. He will eat a salad every now and then but runs away from veggies. (I've tried sneaking them into things and he always knows - LOL) Not only are his tastes picky, but his eating habits are his own also. He doesn't eat breakfast during the week and will sometimes work through lunch. Sometimes when he comes home at night he wants dinner and other times a beer or nothing or a snack later.

I've always had a palate that preferred healthy food, but never had the inclination to go to the trouble to do what needed to be done and properly prepare the good stuff.
Since I never could predict his needs or wanted to go to the trouble of cooking healthy food for one I would usually just eat what he was eating (generally meat, pizza or pasta; sometimes the chips and dip dinner) or join him in a liquid bread (beer) dinner or have a frozen packaged meal.

Finally this year I said ENOUGH and began doing what I knew I had to do. This included saying bye to beer (now its wine but less often) and COOKING HEALTHY FOR ONE, after all we live in the age of the automatic dishwasher!! Even though I'm not at goal yet, its been smooth sailing and I feel great, look better and know that what I am eating provides the nutrients a body needs.

He used to make comments about my veggies (jokingly) but I got tired of it and told him that I didn't appreciate the humor. Now he only occaisionally complains about the smell, like my collard greens last Friday or my Brussels sprouts today.
Oh my gosh, I almost don't even need to type anything because with the exception of a slight underage" in my starting (over)weight and the happy ending, your post could have been mine.

At 5' 6" and 170-180 lbs., I was already a bit overweight when I moved in with my partner Lorraine 6 years ago. Within the first year, I gained about 40 pounds, and then over the next couple of years another 20 or so, and then the rest when I got laid off and was out of work for an extended period while I was looking for a job in my field a couple of years ago. I topped out at 284.

I grew up eating healthy food and still enjoy it, but Lorraine runs screaming from anything green (besides salad, which is one of the gifts she's gotten from our relationship ) hates fish and likes her chicken only with fatty sauces or fried; she's pretty much only interested in meat, potatoes, fried food, and pasta. And plenty of beer. I do literally ALL the cooking (she does the lion's share of the cleaning, and I do all the cooking -- that's the routine.) Throughout our relationship, one of the ways that I have shown her my love and made her happy has been through my cooking. Girlfriend looooooves her food...so it made me so happy to make her happy -- and I ate it right with her. Whenever I tried to introduce or sneak in healthier alternatives or additions to our food rotation, she hated it. (With the exception of the salad.)

Now I'm eating healthy food, but it's such a battle to get her to join me, and that goes for exercise as well. She's so proud of me for losing what I have, and she honestly wants to support me -- but she's constantly suggesting that we go out to dinner or order in, and asks me every night what I'm cooking for dinner, and when she hears it's something healthy, she's miserable. And when I'm exercising after work (I already have to get up at 6:30 for work in the morning to get back home at 6:00-6:30, so I've been struggling with getting up earlier to exercise before work) she just really pressures me in either direct or indirect ways to cut it short. She goes to bed really early and I get home a little late, so exercising for an hour before cooking for a half hour gives us little conscious time together! (She's snoozing by 9-9:30.) I know she just wants to spend time with me, but I've asked her more than once to just support me and deal with it because it's important and it just doesn't work -- and no she won't join me -- I've tried that repeatedly. As for the food, one of the reasons she is always so keen on going out or ordering in is that she feels badly seeing me making two separate meals after working all day -- but she doesn't want to eat what I'm having.

I'm sorry to make this a *****-session -- I'm just a little frustrated by it because it makes it soooooo much harder to stay on plan when I'm getting pressure to do things that are not on plan. I know it's affecting my loss, and I know I need to be strong in my response to that -- and to her -- but I'm not a machine. I'm only just over halfway there, and I can't let up on my discipline. And yet that's just what I've been doing the last few days, and I feel like crap about it. I'm in it for the long haul, don't get me wrong, but I'm realizing that I'm going to have to call on some more inner resources to withstand those pressures. Like the kind of inner resources that would get my butt out of bed at 6:00 in the morning to knock out a half hour of cardio in the morning so I only have a half hour of exercise remaining to do at night.

I'm sorry the tone of this is so negative and excuse-oriented. I actually get called "Saint Sarah" and "Polly" for being so positive in "real life!" I'm just feeling really down about it because I can't change her, and I don't blame her, and I am disappointed with myself for letting myself down again and again.

So JML -- I am in complete agreement that marriage makes weight loss challenging. And I'm just going to have to regroup and hunker down for Round Two.
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Old 11-30-2004, 11:50 PM   #10
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I am not glad that anyone is struggling, but I am SO glad that I am not alone on this. I have packed on so much weight since my DH and I started planning the wedding. Then, it REALLY piled on after the wedding. I can't blame him, but I dont know exactly what my problem is. Deep down I want to look so incredibly good for him. I want him to be proud to be seen with me and to quite with my negative attitude about myself... so it's not that "now I landed him I dont care" thing. In fact today I looked at my hair, makeup, body in the mirror and about cried. I seriously look as though I have been beaten with an ugly stick these past few weeks!!! I have probably gained the 11 I lost. I have been so bad!

Single life was so very easy for me to lose weight and exercise. I just didnt care if I ate anything appetizing or not from day to day. I was happy with a dried out half Subway sandwich that was in the fridge for 3 days or fat free popcorn. Plus my friends and I would go for a two mile jog in the evening. Now there isnt the time, my friends have moved, had babies, etc.

Anyhow...I really need to view it differently. I am very lucky that my husband is supportive and he wants to lose about 70 pounds himself. The bad thing is he loses motivation, too and it's hard enough to keep mine up, but I am really trying.
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Old 12-01-2004, 12:18 AM   #11
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It's nice to have things in common with others... AND I LOVE THIS THREAD!! I am struggling SO much with my bf and his eating habits, and our lifestyle. When I met my bf I was 5'7" and 163 pounds, and I'm currently 263, so I've put on 100 pounds. I used to run everyday, eat WAY more healthy than I do now. And when I was first going out with the bf I would get up and go for a run in the morning, and then it started "aww honey, I work so much and we never get to spend time together, stay in bed.. please". And that started my lack of exercising. And that also started my first diet. It's really not fair to blame it all on him, and I really don't.... except, yesterday I came home from work and said that I should get a little workout in, and he turned on the tv and refused to let me do a workout. Sarah, I really think we *should* have a *****-fest! I just need support, and I hate myself for needing it so badly. So of course I look for it at work, where they discourage dieting ( I work in a plus size store with all plus size women... odd that no one diets huh?), I have literally been held down and had cookies forced into my mouth. Everytime I cut the sugar, wheat and caffiene out of my diet they constantly tell me it's wrong, and buy me "treats" with all of those ingrediets in them. It's hard to be strong 24/7, and thats actually the reason I keep failing at this weight loss thing. If my bf would stop buying/making pizza for dinner everynight? I'd be SET! Again, I gotta agree with Sarah, I need to regroup and find all the strength I need from within... I don't even believe that I can.. but I will be trying!

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Old 12-01-2004, 12:59 AM   #12
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It's amazing how much everyone has had to contribute to this thread. No, we are not alone. We can lose and keep the weight off though!!! I am going to keep at it. I'm going at it the same way I lost the weight. I identify my bad habits, and work on one at a time, and then keep adding to my good habits.

The things that are different for me now are:

1) I drink less water.
2) My portions are too large in my evening meal
3) Not enough exercise
4) Too many sweets in the evening
5) Too much coffee and wine


I had another one which was eating sweets all during the day, but I've all but conquered that one. The next habit I want to work on is the water. When I'm in the habit of drinking my 8 glasses a day again, I'll tackle my next bad habit. I could never tackle all my bad habits at once. I feel overwhelmed at the thought. The confidence I get from tackling one bad habit is what gives me the momentum to tackle the next one.

I have a kind of honeymoon mentality to food now. I feel I'm celebrating and want to enjoy everything that comes my way, particularly anything sweet.

My husband is very supportive. He's proud of me for having lost the weight in the first place. We both buy healthy food for the most part, and he cooks some of the meals. His favorite thing is to grill meat so we have alot of lean grilled meat. Delicious! he's often making dinner for me when I come home.

Mel - I was just looking over at the maintainer's forum a couple of days ago thinking it might be a great place to post too. Thanks for the welcome in advance!
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Old 01-05-2005, 07:48 AM   #13
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My boyfriend is a little different to the norm as he will eat whatever I eat but the problem is that he is 5 foot 10 and about 144lbs and when I diet he loses weight! He has a strange sort of fullness indicator so that when he eats a meal, he feels full even if it is just a plate of veg and some rice! He doesn't like to eat more fattening stuff if I'm not so sometimes I end up eating it out of guilt.
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