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Old 09-12-2004, 04:15 PM   #1
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Unhappy all alone

Wow, after a week of having my mom and her cat here, they both left today.. and I feel alone. My boyfriend is snoring pretty loudly in the bedroom, but it's just not the same.. I miss having someone/something around all the time. Just waking up in the middle of the night with a huge crash, which of course was the cat knocking something down, it was a comfort. I wish it were possible for me to get a cat or small dog, but I'm not allowed to where I am. Anyways! It was quite the week, I don't think I was on plan at all, although I ate less and ate better (something about being around my mom). We had quite a few adventures, including shopping for clothes, finding a specific pasta maker, and taking my mom to her informational interviews, so it was good, tiring, but good. I think I am lonely though, I honestly don't have any friends, or none I *want* to have. It sounds SO cold, but I'm tired of hanging around people that I have nothing in common with, or who are into doing things that I grew out of.. How do people make friends as they get older? I have no clue how! One last vent then I'll be good.. I AM TIRED OF BEING ALONE!! Okay, I'm done, hope you all are having a good weekend!
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Old 09-12-2004, 07:30 PM   #2
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I hate it when the cat wakes me up after knocking something down, I usually think it is someone burglarizing us! I do know what you mean about not having a lot of friends that you really click with. I can count on one hand how many of those friends I have had. Lately I end up socializing with my husband's best friend and his wife who I really can't stand at all. It seems to me that most people make friends with people they work with, live near or go to school with.
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Old 09-12-2004, 08:22 PM   #3
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Girl, you are so speaking my language!

When I moved to Cali (3 years yesterday, thank you), I thought that it would be cool. I'd find all these nuts that were on my same wavelength. I'm SUPER social so going out and meeting new people was not the issue. The quality of the PEOPLE were the issue. It seems like every woman I talked to was either 1) so superficial that we had nothing to say to eachother 2) incredibly wrapped up in being the girlfriend and not her own person or 3) boring!!! Ok, so not everyone in Southern California is this way but it sure seems like it. I wish I could say it was just me but I've now found other people to confirm it. Last week, I broke down in tears because I was listening to Whaddayknow on NPR and they were talking to people from OH/KY (which is where I'm from) and it made me homesick (and I've never been homesick before).

It's so much harder to make *real* friends as you get older but you can do it. I've met a few people doing things that I love: joining a writing group, going to film festivals, etc. I feel your pain, chica.
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Old 09-13-2004, 04:41 PM   #4
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I know what you mean. I still have 2 "close friends" from my college years. My best friend (whom I just visited) lives 7 hours away from me. My other friend is in Germany right now and I can't remember when her husband is getting out of the Army. My best friend growing up recently moved back to Oklahoma but we're just not close anymore and I don't talk with her much. I too would love to have friends that live closer to me and have that close bond but I'm like Jessica. It's so hard to find someone like that as you get older.
I wouldn't despair over though. She gave you some great ideas for finding friends and I think starting there you might actually find a few.
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Old 09-13-2004, 10:36 PM   #5
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I try and tell myself I don't NEED friends that aren't people on my level.. which is very true.. because honestly? I don't have a shortage of people asking me to go do things, but clubbing? Been there, done that.. got the weak stomach from throwing up after binge drinking.. anyways.. back on track.. I am feeling a bit better today, had time to connect with the boyfriend, and we will probably go out tomorrow and spend the day together doing fun things. And I'm going to Seattle in a week to hang out with my brother for a week, sometimes I just feel lonely though.. I miss having a best friend who I can call at 3am if I am feeling upset, or have some hot gossip!! And as weird as it seems .. sometimes it's nice to have people care.. just replying to this, makes me think there ARE people out there who are like me, because, if you already have friends, and are busy, why would you even bother with trying to make new friends? I know I sure wouldn't bother if I was in that situation.. My best friend is just out there, looking for me, and I just need to find her!! (new way of positive thinking, how's it working? )
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Old 09-13-2004, 10:44 PM   #6
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Chica I wished I lived in BC or you lived in Cali, because we should definately hang out.
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Old 09-13-2004, 11:08 PM   #7
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How about if I come to Cali or you come to BC we look eachother up? I am supposed to go to San Fran with my brother in the next year or so.. dunno where that is though.. lol, I failed Geography And if you come to BC, just yell my name REALLY loud, or just go into Pennington's, everyone knows who I am.. lol, I don't know if thats good or bad though!
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Old 09-14-2004, 09:19 PM   #8
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I can completely relate to how you feel. I cut out most of my former so-called friends years ago, and didn't have any close friends until about a year ago. I've met both of my closest friends at my work. I have other friends that call me once in a while, but I don't enjoy their company much because our lives are so different. I am a career-oriented single mom, and they are childless and into bars, partying and smoking pot. I've also had a hard time learning to trust my friends, from being burned so many times in the past.

I wish you lived closer!
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Old 09-14-2004, 10:58 PM   #9
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Raelynn - I know that all too well! Especially girls. Right before I moved to Cali, a girl stabbed me in the back so hard, I cried across 4 states! So hard to trust someone after that.

SwimGirl - Hey the Cute Boyfriend is always trying to get me to visit Canada! SF is about 10 hours away from San Diego. However, I LOVE going there. So, with enough advanced notice, I might be able to swing by!

Sounds like we need to form our own clique!
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Old 09-14-2004, 11:20 PM   #10
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It's definitely harder to make friends when you're older. Before I moved to Seattle a couple of years ago (where I grew up so you'd think I'd have friends here, but I don't), I volunteered at the humane society where I lived in Idaho and made quite a few friends there because we were all interested in animal stuff. Like GJ says, you can meet people doing things that you love--at least you'll have a common interest.

Frankly, it's kind of nice to hear that other people are feeling the same way I'm feeling. Not that I wish anybody lonliness, but it's good to know that I'm not the only person who misses having someone I like nearby to talk with and hang out with.
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Old 09-15-2004, 06:05 AM   #11
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i dont have any friends either. all my friends either die or move away. my only real life friend just moved to arkansas. the other friend passed away 3 1/2 years ago. there is another friend i had all through school that just chose a different lifestyle (drugs, abusive boyfriends etc) and i choose not to have a part of that. sometimes i wonder if it is me. someone will message me through a website or something and we will email back and forth a few times and that is it. its like i drive them away or something.
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Old 09-15-2004, 10:43 AM   #12
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Lots of girls my age are still into partying, but I did that... also that whole drugs thing? Not my thing either. I think I'm picky? Who knows! I don't think it's just us shelly, because I have that same thing... I've been trying really hard lately to be less self absorbed, not that I really was.. but I try to pay attention to people and whats going on in their life.. AND!! We are not alone! I think thats the comforting thing Okay, I am late for work, I'll talk to you all after my day of selling crappy clothes!
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Old 09-15-2004, 03:00 PM   #13
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I can relate to those feelings. I have always been a loner. The only time I can remember being the one to reach out first, I met my best friend. I thought she was shy and she thought I wasn't - boy were we both wrong . 22 years later, we are still friends, even though we don't live in the same state any more. The only people I know here, really, are family and we don't share any of the same intersts. I'm going to use your idea and try joining some groups for activities I enjoy.
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Old 09-15-2004, 06:09 PM   #14
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Just to give you some hope......I've made 5 really good friends over the past couple of years......OK, its true, 2 live many thousands of miles away, but the other 3 live close, and I met them pretty recently, through shared interests (studying, volunteering etc). I really do thing common interest stuff is the best way to meet new people......its not easy, but its definitely worth making the effort....
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Old 09-15-2004, 11:45 PM   #15
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Oh ladies.. Can I ever relate? I moved out West the day after my graduation in Grade 12 and its been really tough making new friends. Steve grew up here so he knows lots of people and I feel like such a loser when he goes out with the boys.. and I'm left well with not too much to do. Now, don't get me wrong, I have a few friends and they're all from jobs! Working at my current job, I've made a lot of friends... but usually I end up making friends with guys as girls aren't so keen on "allowing" new girls into their "click". I am kind of lucky in the fact that one of my closest friends from high school moved here a couple years ago, so I at least have her. But, I'm so used to having tons of options of who to hang out with and where to go.. rather than struggling to find something to do on a Friday night.. Now, if only we all lived in the same place... I'm sure we'd have a grande ole' time!
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