[Jen]

LakeGirl, you hit on a topic I've talked about before and that is putting everything on hold because something in your life comes up ie like relatives or friends visiting. I'm so glad that you have the attitude that you can still get out of the house for 30 minutes to hit the gym. I think your husband can entertain HIS friends while you look after yourself.

[howie6267]

I don't feel all that strong but thanks Mez. Just take one day at a time and you get a little stronger with each success.

[lessofsarahtolove]

LakeGirl, I really think you got to the core of it. I know that my partner really wants me to succeed, and is so, so proud of and impressed with my success -- she tells me and she shows me in lots of little ways. She also REALLY misses the times when we'd chow down on all kinds of goodies TOGETHER, and she really misses the fattening, artery-clogging cream-based dishes that I once made with love. She was at once loving what I was doing, and really missing what we USED to do. And she also presented temptation sometimes, wanting us to order out from places that had lots of off-plan goodies that I love, or she subtly controlled my time, effectively throwing my scheduled exercise off track.....and then she finally asked me, "You're not going to leave me for someone else are you?" Followed by, "When you're 135 pounds, what are you going to want with me?"

My heart broke. We got through that conversation, and then another and another. Since then she's really making an effort -- on her own -- to make healthier eating choices and limit her portions. She's losing too, and I'm so proud of her! She'll never dive into it like I have, but she's getting started in her way, and she's excited about making progress. She still asks that once in a while, but now that I know she needs that extra reassurance, I can try to be proactive in making her realize that this is not about her size, it's about mine.....and that some of the largest factors motivating me to lose weight are a desire to be healthier throughout our lives TOGETHER and to be around longer so we can grow old together!

We're not on this road alone -- we have companions, and they're just as affected by the changes we're making as we are.

[tolose85]

There is some really good advice here. Hey, we've all been known to slip up once in a while. That's not the concerning part (to me anymore) the concern is whether or not you get right back on it, put it behind you and onward march-- guess what? YOU DID! That is awesome. You regained control and by now, you are probably not even letting that pesky husbandism bug you anymore... My husband is on my case a lot about "over picking" at something (even fruit). He's always looking out for me but the more I lost, the more the questions began.. Just as Sarah explains. He feels that he is going to "lose" me. NEVER... Maybe Hubby is just "dealing" with this lifestyle change a little different that you'd have anticipated.. It's hard to read men (except for Howie of course) LOL!! Love ya howie!!

Keep up the great work Mez.. I am following your progress and you are doing very well!!

[jiffypop]

oh this is such a BIG topic. the wls community is infamous for breakups... it's just too many changes too fast for some couples. and for these couples, there were major ISSUES before the surgery, and everything simply got worse afterwards.

losing weight the old-fashioned way is more gradual than with wls.. and maybe that has a lot to do with it. couples have more chance to deal with it day by day rather than all at once.

one woman dealt with this issue BRILLIANTLY and i use her and her husband as examples a lot in the real life support group i moderate.

this is what she did: she told her husband that she was doing this for her health, and that they would approach this the way they have faced every other challenge in their lives: TOGETHER. she explained that she needed his love and support, and he's been at every support group with her. other men have hidden the car keys from their wives!!!! [in some couples, the wife was so disabled by her weight that the husband was responsible for all the driving, and they would do everything together. once she became mobile and able to do her own driving- that's when the troubles really started].

even for those of us who aren't in couple-type relationships, everything else changes. friendships, family dynamics. it's hard. but we gotta keep focused.

[LakeGirl]

It's all such hard work sometimes and what I have trouble with is that in many ways, it shouldn't have to be. Losing weight is hard enough, fighting mental battles with those afraid to see us lose is just unnecessary.

I'm so happy for all of you that have the support of your partners and hope I can join you in the future, along with Mez. When my hubby moved here from England, he was overweight, but not terribly so. He was completely mobile, could walk around Disney without sweating up a storm and getting grouchy. Since we have been married, he has gained each year, and I know he is now off the scale. The scarier thing is that he is diabetic (he was diagnosed just over a year ago). He needs to get his eating under control, but if he wants to continue to eat terrible things, he can do that on his own. I have made the decision and followed through with it, that I am not buying anymore crap from the grocery store. It's healthy stuff, period. If he wants junk, he'll have to sneak it and I can't stop him from doing that. I just pray he sees the light before he has a narrow health escape or worse.

[mezmerize]

Thanks everyone for your support! I truly thought I was alone with this problem. I guess I never thought this would happen when I started to lose weight. I sat down with my husband and we talked and talked. I think we got everything straightened out. He is fighting his own battle he feels guilty for not dieting he also see my success and is very happy for me but sometimes he said he gets jealous.... (He hates feeling that) The day he yelled it wasn't meant to come out like that. He said he was sorry. I learned a lot about him and he learn a lot about me. He knows I'm determined to lose and I will be a different person with each lbs lost. But just because I'm different doesn't mean I'm going to leave him. I told him even thought he's not on this diet with me I've noticed he's has been making better choices and he's actually taking baby steps w/o noticing. Maybe in time he'll go further but it has to be on his time and I'll be there to support him in everyway. It was a really nice talk and I'm so happy we did it. I did feel foolish after I posted my "dirty laundry" in my moment of weakness, but when I look back I see that I use to think of this as MY weight loss journey now I know it's my husband and mine. The post has brought us closer by bringing this out into the open. Thanks everyone for your shoulder, your advice and sharing our own experiences.
Mez

[howie6267]

I'm so glad to here that you both talked it through. Good for you. It will make your relationship much stronger.

[lessofsarahtolove]

I agree with Howie......it's the talking that brings you closer, and I'm really glad that you turned to us for support, my little Mezster. That's what we're here for. And it really is a shared journey.....that's a really big thing to know and realize. Big hugs to you AND your husband! (Now tell him to quit leaving that crap by the computer, ok?? Or better yet: don't allow it in the house! Ok, no more soapbox. )