So I have been having a pretty good week on plan. Today a friend invited me out to lunch so my on plan lunch sat in the fridge. I felt I made some decent choices. But when I got back, the cravings were bad. There was no way that I was hungry. It was cravings pure and simple. I am going to guess that my lunch had too many carbs. But the situation was that I was craving chocolate. And I was going to have some. But I didn't have any change or any singles for the vending machine. Hmmmmm. I know, I owed $2.00 here at work, I'll pay that, get change and then I'll have money for my chocolate. She didn't have change. God was pretty hard at work here, but after I scrounged the bottom of my purse, I found the .75 cents I needed. But somehow, somewhere I realized that this was a defining moment (for right now). If I went off plan on Thursday night, surely tonight would be a bust. That would set a bad tone for Friday and I have Parties on Saturday and Sunday. This one choice was when I needed to be strong. Just for now, I was going to let that chocolate sit in that vending machine. I set that .75 cents on my desk, just to prove to it that I was stronger than it. It's 3:57, I go home at 4:00. I am meeting my mom at 5:00 for a walk. I will be ok. I did not give in. Sometimes it's easy...sometimes it's hard. But it's all about choices. What do you choose for yourself??
But somehow, somewhere I realized that this was a defining moment (for right now).
What do you choose for yourself??
Sandi, this was SUCH a great post. Let me back up and say that I am SO, SO proud of you for staying in control, and for making the choice you did. I'm so happy you were able to find the strength to keep your head above the urge....it can be really easy to let reason get overrun by the "food libido" -- so I just am so proud of you and happy for you.
I think you really nailed it in your post....it WAS a defining moment, and they ARE all choices. The thing is, if we're not consciously THINKING about it, reason doesn't even get an opportunity to kick in, to enable us to even MAKE a choice, you know? You're just acting on desire.......that food libido kicks in, and then you're left afterwards with the presence of mind to think about what you've done....and then that's where the self-destructive, "Let me beat the crap out of myself because I have no discipline and I suck" thinking comes into play. And then it's just a downward, cycling spiral.
You -- and now I'm talking about you, SANDI, not the general "you" -- YOU made your goals your priority in that single defining moment. You made your healthy self your priority. And that's HUGE. I really am so proud of you. I really hope that you're feeling proud of yourself, Sandi -- you're absolutely right, it's all choices -- one after another -- and you made the one that takes the best care of you!!! Here's to strenght and reason when you're faced with the next one! (And self-forgiveness and renewed resolve the next time you goof, as we all do.... )
Let me tell you.... I was going to post a post (I sound like Dr. Suess right there!) last night about how for some reason, at like, 11:00a.m. yesterday I decided, "I'm going to start now. I'm in gear." So, yesterday I ate my allotted calories and went for a half hour bikeride even though I didn't "want" to because it was cold. Then, since I had accidently eaten all my calories by 5 p.m. (and I stay up until about 1) I SWORE to myself that I wouldn't eat anymore... and I didn't! I even avoided warm yummy garlic bread at the kids I was babysitting house.... GO ME. I'm proud.
oh sandi. i hope you're giving yourself major pats on the back here. you did GREAT. but i'm also impressed by the fact that you recognized that what you ate at lunch may have played a role in creating the craving.
soooo next time, you'll be better armed and prepared!!!!
Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.
Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders
start: 506 [Sept 2001]
weight at gastric bypass [Jan 29, 2002]: 409
current weight: 225
weight for plastic surgery: 200
final goal: 180
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I never really paid any attention to how my food was affecting me. Now that's my major focus. I am not eliminating any one kind of food or food group, but am going by how I feel when I eat it. If it makes me have carvings, then it's out. It's sooooo much easier to stick to your food plan when you are NOT having any cravings. That doesn't mean they don't still sound good, it's just easier to say no. And we need to realize that everyone is different. (Food Porn ahead...be warned) I can eat a skinny cow and I'm fine, satisfied. I eat a chocolate grahm cracker and I must have more. Like 5 more. Why the difference, who knows!!! But I've heard some people say they don't eat skinny cows because they can't stop eating them. Everyone is different and we need to figure out what is right for us.
That is so great Sandi! I am so proud of you for making that choice - I know it couldn't have been easy.
You are so right when you said that if you had chosen to have the chocolate, it may well have led to other bad choices throughout the weekend - sometimes when you are on a roll, it's best to just keep rolling as any little treat or break from your routine can make you lose your 'rhythm' - especially in those early days.