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Old 07-24-2004, 07:17 PM   #1
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Angry Last Straw.

I get home today and my dad walks up to me and says (and I QUOTE):

"So, how much weight have you gained over the summer?"

WHAT THE :CENSORED: DOES THAT MEAN?

I was like "What does that mean? You really hurt my feelings and I'm mad at you." He says "Well, it wasn't mean't to hurt your feelings, it's just the truth."

:mad What the ****? I'm just sitting here crying now. My dad.
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Old 07-24-2004, 09:56 PM   #2
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Apryl, I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. I know it's hard, but it will ultimately make you prove him foolish (which is always fun, isn't it? )

I don't understand why people think it's their business- it's NOT. What he said to you is rude and uncalled for. What did he think would come out of it besides negative feelings? Gee, that's productive!

The last time I dealt with something like this was when my 99 year old great-grandmother pounded her fist on the table and yelled at me that a "young, pretty girl shouldn't be so heavy." I ran into the other room and cried. My first instinct was to shove my face right in front of her and "prove" that it didn't matter whast she said.. but then I thought that maybe my energy should go toward something productive, like focusing on my goals and proving her wrong. NOT that you should ever change yourself for someone else- but since I know you've been OP lately (and doing great I might add! good for you!).

I'm really sorry, and I hope tomorrow is better. ((Apryl))
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Old 07-24-2004, 10:27 PM   #3
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MEN?!?!? WHO THE **** DO THEY THINK THEY ARE???
Apryl, Im so sorry that your father said tose unkind words to you. DO NOT let his stupid remark get in your way. Maybe you should let it be fuel to your fire! I remember about 6 weeks after I had my daughter, a lady (that my mother in law goes to church) with came up to me in the grocery store and said to " You really need to loose that weight, you're too pretty to be so fat." I just stood there, with my mouth gaping open . This lady that I didnt even really know said that to me...6 weeks post baby no less!
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Old 07-24-2004, 10:36 PM   #4
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(((((((Apryl))))))))) sweetie. Give me your address so I can come kick your dad's ***. We love you just as you are. Your so beautiful and talented. Let it go, and let God. I just want to hug you so bad. My dad is an *** too, I have come to realize I will always love him because he is my dad, but it doesn't make him any less of an ***. (((((((((((((((((((Big Hug)))))))))))))))))))))))

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Old 07-24-2004, 10:55 PM   #5
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oh honey... you've gained weight ?? I didn't notice. you are STILL the same lovely, talented, charming, smart young woman with attitude you were last year and last week, and today.

wouldn't it be nice if the entire world would look into our eyes and say that we are fine just the way we are??? we are, ya know.

dads are a hard audience to please. i gave up trying years ago... and he's been gone for 5 years. please YOURSELF. be YOURSELF. be the best you can be...
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Old 07-24-2004, 11:01 PM   #6
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(((HUGS))) to you aprylcadabra
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Old 07-24-2004, 11:14 PM   #7
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Sorry that your dad upset you by the way he asked about your weight. Is there any chance that he was trying to talk to you about your weight but just screwed up the beginning or was he being deliberately nasty?
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Old 07-25-2004, 12:59 AM   #8
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I have no idea what the **** he mean't by it and honestly, I don't care. It hurt my feelings. The one person who has *always* been "on my team." That is a kick in the heart. I finally got so tired of fuming around that I just said "I love you, but I'm so mad at you, please don't talk to me." and walked out the door to go pick my friend up. Later tonight he said "I didn't mean it like that, Apryl."

Honestly, it doesn't matter. Words are words.
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Old 07-25-2004, 01:36 AM   #9
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Apryl - I replied on the other (deleted) thread, but it was a kind of mumbled sort of reply because your dad's ugly words brought back a lot of crap. I hurt so much for you because I've been right where you're sitting. It's like, here you are, a wonderful, sweet, insightful, smart, hard-working girl and it gets reduced to nothing in an instant. You're right - words are words.

You do need to make it very clear to your dad how much he hurt you. I don't know if you have trouble talking to him (I simply couldn't talk to my mom), but if you do, write him a letter. You're a very talented writer and I'm sure you could get your point across.

You are such an awesome kid, Apryl. Don't let this define your life. We love you!
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Old 07-25-2004, 02:17 AM   #10
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I'm so sorry Apryl, I've been in your shoes and it hurts to hear things like that. {{{hug}}}
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Old 07-25-2004, 09:32 AM   #11
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(((((Apryl))))) - I'm so sorry your dad has said such unkind words to you. I agree with what Jenelle has said - I STILL have the exact same problem with my mum, she just has to say one thing and I revert to feeling 10 years old again.

If you are able to talk to him I'd recommend it - he probably doesn't even realise the hurt he has caused you, he is just an insensitive man !

If only we could all have wonderful parents who think we are beautiful inside and out, no matter what our size!

You really are a great young woman Apryl - believe it!

I'll leave you with a poem to make you smile

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They f*** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f***ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.


Love Amanda x
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Old 07-25-2004, 10:39 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Apryl.
I just said "I love you, but I'm so mad at you, please don't talk to me."
I'm sure what you said really drove home the point that this was not just another teenage drama queen fit, but, in fact something that hurt you deeply and that he should be ashamed of himself for even thinking it, let alone saying it. Apryl, you are such an amazing girl. You are intelligent, resourceful, and independent well beyond your years. I doubt I would have handled myself nearly as well. I can't believe how insensitive fathers can be. How do they not know how much their simple words can impact their daughters for the rest of their lives? Don't you let this stupidity that fell out of his mouth hold you back in any way! You are so much better than that! Let us know how his real apology goes; it had better be a damn good one!

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Old 07-25-2004, 12:44 PM   #13
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I'm so sorry Apryl! I've been in your shoes, however it was just that my dad was trying to talk to me for health reasons and it came out wrong. I think you need to sit down and talk with him - you know he loves you and is probably just worried about you! I'm not trying to defend what he said by any means, just that i'm sure he can be a really big help for you if you let him. I also grew up with just my dad and when I was 16, trying to lose weight, once we sat and had a serious talk... he helped me all he could..
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Old 07-25-2004, 04:54 PM   #14
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I had a similar thing happen between my dad and myself when I was 16. I was exercising 2 hours a day and hardly eating (yes wasn't exactly a healthy way to lose weight) but I had lost 30 lbs. I didn't live with my dad but I went to visit him during the summer and when I had told him I had lost 30 lbs, he said to me "that isn't enough, you are still way too fat". As a 16 yr old who had weighed 290 and was then at 260, I was pretty crushed especially coming from someone who weighed over 400 lbs himself. (Oh how I remember how proud I was that I was wearing a size 20 at 260)

Anyway, sometimes people think they are trying to help or be encouraging but they don't know how to do it. I think you did the right thing by telling him that it hurt you.

Just keep doing what you are doing and don't anyone else make you feel down about yourself.
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Old 07-25-2004, 09:34 PM   #15
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Apryl.. I am so sorry about that! You know what? Nows your chance to Show him what your made of because we all know you can do it! Try not to let that discourage you. You are doing so well and I am so proud of you.. Some men just don't ever get it. Sometimes they say things and don't know what they are saying or what type of impact it has on us.. (My husbands great at that).
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