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Good laugh - best advice in a longtime

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Old 06-01-2004, 11:44 PM   #1
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Default Good laugh - best advice in a longtime

BEST ADVICE IN A LONG TIME

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ..... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!


If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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Old 06-02-2004, 12:17 AM   #2
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LOL! Loved this Raelynn! Loved it... now, if only all of this was true...
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Old 06-02-2004, 08:43 AM   #3
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LOL that was great! Thanks for sharing it.
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Old 06-02-2004, 12:27 PM   #4
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That is definitely one to pass on. Thanks for the chuckle.
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Old 06-02-2004, 12:51 PM   #5
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that was definitely worth the read and laugh. thanks for sharing.
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Old 06-02-2004, 04:52 PM   #6
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That made me laugh a lot. Now I know how to get my veggie quota in!
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Old 06-02-2004, 05:57 PM   #7
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If you learn from your suffering, and really come to understand the lesson you were taught, you might be able to help someone else who's now in the phase you may have just completed. Maybe that's what it's all about after all...

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Old 06-02-2004, 09:14 PM   #8
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I hear ya sister.
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