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Old 06-12-2017, 12:36 AM   #1
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Default 09 Regainers regaining control and relosing!

The old thread was about to hit 500 posts so I've started a new one. This should get us through the summer - let's all make it a great one!
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Old 06-12-2017, 04:26 AM   #2
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I work the graveyard shift with three other women on a sort of rotating schedule where there's always two on and two off. Three of us have an ongoing battle of the bulge while the fourth has a different sort of eating disorder. Too thin or too fat, we've all got our struggles and I don't think anorexia is any easier than a life of "dieting".

We all know the literature about shift workers having a harder time losing weight and keeping it off (as if losing weight wasn't hard enough!) but the fact that I lost 100 pounds once already and I'm more than halfway there this time proves it is not impossible to work overnights *and* lose weight.

I've been feeling a little frustrated with my co-workers who say "Oh, I could NEVER do that" as if I have some magic formula or secret skill... Meanwhile they are drinking a Pepsi (it takes a fair bit of caffeine to keep us going thru the week) or tucking into a cheese danish (we get day old baked goods donated from a national coffee chain so there is ALWAYS something good in the kitchen....)

A year ago one of my coworkers was diagnosed as pre-diabetic and attended a weight loss class. I tried to show her My Fitness Pal (which I wasn't using at the time myself... Bad Vlad!) be as supportive as I could be. But she ended up not finishing the class at all. She's continued to gain weight, her joints are bothering her, and I suspect her pre-diabeties diagnosis hasn't improved at all.

But! She's just joined a gym and has a trainer/weight loss specialist of some sort helping her with aqua-exercise. She's lost 5 pounds and tonight she was telling me all about this new tool called "my fitness pal" she's learning how to use. I refrained from saying "but I tried to get you to use it a year ago!" and just tried to be as supportive as possible. It's hard and scary to look at the scale and think about how much weight you should lose. She's a sweet person and I really hope she continues on this new path. I want to continue to be encouraging without overwhelming her with my too eager support. I'm going to try to get her hooked on 3FC, too.
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Old 06-12-2017, 09:29 AM   #3
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Good morning!

Vladadog - Thank you for starting the new thread! And I, too, really like your adorbs dog profile pic, though I do miss your face too. If we were intimidated by the research, we wouldn't be doing this, right? I have done my share of graveyard shifts, and it does make a lot of things challenging. So glad that you're figuring out how to lose the weight -- again -- while working that shift. Not jealous of the donated baked goods. That sounds terribly difficult. Hope your coworker is able to stick to her plan. Even taking just five pounds off has to be a relief. Every time i have made a sincere effort to lose weight, I have had almost immediate improvement to the way that I feel. Hopefully, she'll get enough motivation from the immediate improvements that she won't be overwhelmed by the "ultimate goal."

Frances - Yay for continuing to chug along! Hopefully, you got that other 0.2 to come off for this morning's weigh-in. It is fantastic when the scale is finally cooperating. From your ticker, it looks like you are within spitting distance of Onederland. That is such a huge psychological boost. Thank you for asking about my blow-out. It went well. She only did a partial blow-out, and then she cut my hair for me. It looks good, but it wasn't the "magic bullet" that cured all my hair woes. Maybe if I stopped looking for magic bullets, this would be easier?

PacificaBee - My period tends to do weird things when I'm losing weight too. Yay for staying on plan, despite the wonkiness! Sometimes, I eat way more than I should, and way worse than I should, during the PMS phase of my cycle. Hope your walk to the beach helped restore your energy reserves. Being able to just walk down there from your house sounds like you might be living in some sort of paradise.

My husband cooked dinner yesterday. Huge steaks, potatoes, corn on the cob, and garlic bread. I wanted to eat everything! But I didn't. I should have passed on the garlic bread, but I chose to eat a whole slice and pass on the corn instead, and only ate about half the steak and half the (huge) potato. I was really full by that point, and knew that any additional food would make me uncomfortably full. I also knew that, as much as I wanted it in the moment, my life would not be improved by the experience of eating anything else. So, I stopped eating. But then, when I was shopping after dinner was over, I picked up and ate a box of candy that I didn't need. But I then passed on the s'mores they ate later. And this will, hopefully, be the rest of my life. Good decisions. Bad decisions. None so extreme that they cause me to gain back the 120ish pounds I've lost over the course of the last 14 months or so.

Goals -
1 - Make good food decisions today.
2 - Get 12K steps in (since I'm not running regularly yet)
3 - Plow through this work so that I am ready to take next week off.

Hope everyone has a good week!
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:34 AM   #4
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Ugh, I knew it was coming. I lost weight steadily all week and my # had been staying steady (1.6 lbs down) for the last 3 days. It was tough to get my ring off last night, though, and today I was UP 1.6 lbs. That's right, it's TOM week. At least I planned for it, know that I actually DID lose 1.6 lbs that is currently disguised by water weight, and that I will, within 10 days or so, have my accurate weight displayed on the scale. But it's kind of demoralizing to see the number. Oh, well, moving forward!

LaurieDawn, that's so true. Just a series of decisions for the rest of our lives and if we mainly make good decisions, it will all even out in the end. I think it's great that you allowed yourself a little splurge, didn't beat yourself up, and just kept going with your plan. Hope you get your steps in!

Vlad, I've been on...is it called a swing shift?...before. 12 hour days, 2 days on, 3 days off, 3 days on, 2 days off, etc. It can be tough. I'm glad you have some kindred spirits there! I get annoyed with those "I could never do that!" comments too, but for me it's about my hobbies. I wanted to learn how to knit/embroider/quilt, so I took classes, watched a million videos, and practiced, and learned how. The fact is, if you truly WANT to do it, and have the perseverance to put in the time to accomplish your goal, you CAN do it. Same goes for weight loss, I think. It will definitely never happen if you don't try!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!
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Old 06-12-2017, 01:54 PM   #5
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Thanks for starting a new thread

I have been SO HUNGRY the last 4-5 days. I am trying very hard to stay on track and not overeat. It is related to TOM, but dang it is so hard to control even though I know with my brain what is going on, my body is being a huge jerk. I couldn't help myself at the grocery in the end and bought 2 plums and a bag of cherries that were not on my pre-planned list. I managed to not go crazy and eat all the cherries, but I am disappointed that I couldn't mind-over-matter my burning desire to buy them when they weren't on my meal plans. This was also the first time in 7 weeks where I ate outside of designated mealtimes, which is a line I am trying not to cross in my quest to beat food addiction. Today will be better!

Vlad: That is so kind of you to let your co-worker "discover" MyFitnessPal, LOL. Sometimes people just need to find their own way, but I think that you get mad props for knowing that and letting her have her moment. That is often that is the kindest thing we can do to help our fellow strugglers. You rock

Laurie: I'm retaining soooo much water this week to boot. I went from losing up to half a pound every day for a week in a row to gaining 1.5 on each of the last couple days. So annoying! I am not allowing it to get to me though. I look forward to the woosh day in a week or whenever when several pounds will inevitably disappear overnight and I can finally do a happy dance! And not to put too fine a point on it, yes I live in what I consider paradise. My user name is based on where I live: Pacifica, CA (the Bee is for my name, Brandee) I give daily thanks that I get to sit on my back patio and look at my gorgeous mountain range while listening to the ocean (I can't quite see it from my house, but give me a pair of sneakers and a literal 5 minutes and I am on the sand).

Frances: I am right there with you this week - and maybe next week too since my body is all screwed up! Let's watch cheesy commercials together that will make us cry for no reason while bemoaning the scale, hah!
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:15 PM   #6
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Hey all. I've tried to catch up on the old thread...but I just don't have time so I'll start over here.

Vlad - I agree...nice of you to be supportive. I know, from this time and last time and for other issues I've had besides my weight, these on-line support systems can be life-savers. My husband is awesome and losing weight with me...but there's just so much venting you can do to your husband.

Pacifica - Maybe you're fighting off a virus? I know I just STARVE sometimes before I come down with something. So annoying.

LaurieDawn - You sound like you have a handle on this - My inspiration!

I'm doing okay...the scale was actually down 2 lbs this morning, but I have a new rule after that gain and fit I threw that I don't count a loss until I've seen it...or something lower...3x on the scale. So I won't be all ticked off and have to change my tracker all the time. If I see it 3x, I assume it's a "real" loss.

Exercise is spotty. I went to the Y on Friday and Saturday is my rest day, but Sunday we skipped it because we just had so much to do. It was noon by the time we were out of church, we had to go shopping (our microwave blew a gasket). I thought I'd get some exercise mowing lawn, but I also needed to wash dishes, clean house, do laundry and cook dinner...so Hubby mowed and I ended my night with about 5800 steps. Never ceases to amaze me how few steps I get if I don't set aside actual exercise time. Hubby decided he needed pork chops, so he bought these huge 8 oz loin chops. I, of course, dried them out. I made potatoes and LOTS of cauliflower and zucchini with them. Other than the dry meat it was yummy. Today may be the same way. It was after 11 when I got to bed and I slept in, skipped my elliptical and had to run out on my lunch hour to take the dog to the vet...so when I'll exercise is anyone's guess. I have less than 1900 steps and it's 1:00 in the afternoon.

Life goes on.
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:57 PM   #7
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Argh. I'm frustrated! I can't get a foothold. I've continued to binge. Today was the closest I've gotten to turning things around. I made it until lunch. Then ran home to get my credit card, to buy junk food. Idiot. I KNOW that if I get through even two or three days, it will become infinitely easier, but I'm just stuck and I'm wasting SOOOOOOOOO much money. Like. Thousands of dollars since Christmas. It's pathetic. I just keep buying, binging, disposing, and repeating. I know I' in the 250s again, and that I can't lose enough before I move for it to go unnoticed. I just don't know how to push myself over that first hump! I get to the end of the day and feel desperate to change, but morning comes along and it's like groundhog day. I keep catching glimpses of myself in windows and being deeply ashamed of how much I've gained so quickly.

Sorry, I know this is just a negative rant, but I'm hoping that reaching out and being honest might help lift me through tomorrow, then the next day..until it all feels a bit more manageable I hate that it's Summer. And I love Summer.

I need to cut junk food out of my life for a while. I have no self-control right now when it comes to that. As soon as I have a donut, I have to have two bags of chips and a box of chocolates, and a bag of candy, and four cokes. Ugh.

I'll plan a menu for tomorrow (which I've done every day and then not followed!) and commit to checking back in here tomorrow night. Maybe some peer pressure will help. I am also going to try to walk to work if I can get up early enough. It will make getting to shops harder and the exercise will give me a boost. God I hope I can get back on track. It's so damn hard.
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Old 06-13-2017, 05:18 AM   #8
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ding! ding! ding! Laurie's comment: I also knew that, as much as I wanted it in the moment, my life would not be improved by the experience of eating anything else. So, I stopped eating. really rang for me. This is where I am right now - a good sense about eating, why I'm eating, what I'm eating, how much I'm eating. But I don't feel like I can count on hanging on to this ability. But seeing it put into words helps. If I crave chocolate or something salty crunchy and I indulge that craving do I really have to eat the whole bag? Isn't a handful enough? Because I know very well that it's the first potato chip that tastes so good; long before halfway through the bag I'm not even tasting them anymore, I'm just in some robotic "gotta eat 'em all" state of mindlessness.

I'm going to contemplate this whole thing for awhile and hope it sinks in....

Because I know how easy it is to land right back where Bookmark currently is: fighting for traction, knowing what needs to happen, and having a pint of ice cream while you contemplate how hard it all is.... I gained back 80 pounds all the while thinking "I know what I need to do and I know how to do it so why did I just buy these cheese curls?".

The first time I lost weight it was because of my older brother's pre-diabetes scare (same genes, same destiny) plus I was going to an amusement part with friends for my 50th birthday and I wanted to ride all the roller coasters. (and i did and it was great!) This time it was a health crisis of my own. But both times it took an external kick in the butt to get me going. I don't seem to be able to jump start myself just with good common sense...

I wish I had words of wisdom or inspiration for you Bookmark. I really do believe coming here regularly helps. But I also know for myself it's easier to keep coming bck when you feel like you are making progress. What I really hope is you find some insight into this pattern and it goes "ding! ding! ding! for me like Laurie's thought did.

I updated my ticker pic to a summer dog picture. And swapped out my avi of sweet old Marty for one of at least part of my face.... It was too hot to exercise yesterday, or to eat much. But the simple 3FC housekeeping stuff makes me feel like i'm accomplishing something....
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Old 06-13-2017, 01:43 PM   #9
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Hey all! I'm back. I only took off 2 days from work, but it seems to have really buried me. So I'll keep this short. I weighed today, and it was down from last week, but I haven't been recording it much lately. Started on that today!! Also, missed working out this morning, but just couldn't make myself get out of bed.

I'll be back tomorrow!!
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Old 06-13-2017, 02:23 PM   #10
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Good morning!

Bookmark - I absolutely, positively, 100% feel your pain. As you know, I come on here far too often to whine about how out-of-control my eating has been and trying to figure out why I just can't get it under control and have it stay that way. I have had way more "false starts" than I have had successful starts. But you know what? If the start is successful, and leads to a long period of success, one is really all it takes. (At least until the next time you need a successful start - but that's a problem for another day.) Don't know if this will help, but I have watched a show called Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic to push home the point that I could be disabled by my obesity. (I don't really "stay the same," so if I'm not losing, I'm gaining, and when I was pushing 300 pounds, potential immobility was a real threat.) From t here, I just have done what you are doing -- meal planning and accepting that each minute will be white-knuckling. After about three days or so, I tend to find myself on more solid footing. It doesn't always work. But, like you, I keep trying until it sticks. Cuz the only alternative to weight control, at least for me, is morbid obesity, and I want to be healthy and active into my 90s. I love that you're here and posting, though. For me, maintaining that focus despite the challenges is critical.

Frances - Period water weight. Ugh. That's the worst. But if we get any benefit from being on the "relosing" cycle, it's that we are educated enough to identify why the scale would go up 1.6 pounds overnight, even when we're on plan, and don't overreact to it. You are still doing fantastic. In a couple of weeks, I think I'm going to tuck in and try to do some of the things you're doing that are making you so successful.

PacificaBee - I am so jealous of your beautiful surroundings! Mountains and beaches sound so incredible. I don't mean to make light of the importance of staying on plan, but if you're going to cheat, it sounds like you chose some fairly healthy options to do so. Period hunger is the worst to fight off, and if it were me, I would consider it a win if I made the choices you did to deal with the intense hunger that Aunt Flo brings with her. Glad you're not beating yourself up over it, and excited to hear about your return to plan.

Lilion - Glad to have you back! You have been missed! Yes. On days I don't work, I never get in my steps without intentional exercise, and rarely do on days when I do work without intentional exercise. It sounds like you were busy and burned calories doing housework, though. I don't think Fitbit does a good job at tracking that kind of work, which can be frustrating, as housework is killing both the exercise and the need-to-clean birds with the same stone. I like your 3X rule, too. It's a great way of coping with the head games the scale sometimes uses on us.

Vladadog - I love your new profile pic! (I liked the last one, too, but am glad that you brought your face back.) I think you're exactly right. I get into "robotic eating mode," and feel like I have to finish a portion. My husband makes this worse. If I put a container back that doesn't have a significant enough amount, he chides me for putting back an "empty box." Sometimes, I'm pretty good at throwing the remainder away, but if I've given myself permission to eat something, that makes me concerned about the slippery slope of getting too restrictive about my food. Ugh. Why can't it just be easy?

Diane - So glad you are back! And, of course, you're buried in work. Again. Or still. Glad that the scale had some good news for you, and can't wait to hear about your work-out successes.

I have huge hips, calves, and thighs. I look at the Wonder Woman posters, and although I can convince myself I look like Gal Gadot on top (I don't, but I can convince myself I do), I know that my legs will never look anything like hers. Ever. And I look at Mama June. She has lost so much weight, and had tons of plastic surgery. And she looks nothing like Gal Gadot. I am grateful for Mama June. She is a reminder to me that weight loss and plastic surgery are not enough to turn any of us into genetically-predisposed models like Gal Gadot. And she is a reminder that this whole thing is NOT about trying to find a modeling career, but about being healthier and more mobile and being able to go about my business without being judged because of my size. I am hopeful that my obsession over my body "imperfections" will pass. It is not fruitful, and I am annoying the h*** out of myself with it.

Hope everyone has a great day!
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Old 06-13-2017, 02:27 PM   #11
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Bookmark, I know I don't know you...haven't been back on here long enough...but you ARE on here and that means you want things to change. Wanting it is #1.

My one suggestion that might help you get a handle on it is to log your food. Log it obsessively and do it BEFORE you eat it! Every bite! My husband and I use My Fitness Pal and we literally sit in restaurants and log the food before we order. I'm sure the waitresses hate us...we take forever. Not after you eat it - before! (You can erase it later when you DON'T eat it.) When you even THINK of eating junk, look it up, log it and see in black and white what the calories are. That might be enough to take the wind out of the junk food sails.

For me, logging is the ONLY thing that gives me control. I've never been a real binger - but I definitely have been an overeater. It takes very little to get me to say "YES. YES. YES!" to sweets, pastries and ice cream, etc. But, if I look it up and see it's 1/2 my daily calories - it seems much less desireable.
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Old 06-13-2017, 08:37 PM   #12
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Thanks everyone for the support. I appreciate it.

I do log, and I use myfitness pal as well. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it becomes too obsessive - although I feel better about being overobsessive and successful than otherwise, it's not healthy either.

LaurieDawn: This really describes me too -"the only alternative to weight control, at least for me, is morbid obesity" and that is something that I need to battle, long term ...to be able to simply eat intuitively and maintain a healthy life..but first the healthy (and happy) weight, right? At least, that's how I insist on viewing it. Although making peace with it all and eating intuitively and being healthy would ultimately result in weight loss, there always feels like an immediate need to get the weight down first and then make those efforts. Patience is not a virtue of mine.

The idea that eating another whatever wont better my life has hit and miss success with me. I suppose I just need to seek out and cling to the hits.

Today has been pretty good, so far. I did have a half bag of cheezies that I found in my desk, along with my lunch, and several very close "will I, wont I" moments. It's 5pm now, and I've come on here to check in at this point, because I'm in one of those moments right now. I'm lucky, in that, I don't binge on "regular" food. So there's nothing in my house that I will stuff myself with. I will have to go out to buy junk foods. . . of course, when I do, I feel extra stupid for doing so:P . . . currently I'm feeling pretty lazy and very tired, and that may be a bit in my favour right now.
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Old 06-14-2017, 08:13 AM   #13
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Bookmark, I agree with Lillion's tip about logging your food. EVEN IF YOU HAVE A BINGE, log it. The calories are being consumed whether we track them or not. Why not educate ourselves about what we're actually taking in? I know that I'll never not be able to log my food. It's just too easy to start slipping. I keep that from being obsessive, however, by being relatively permissive with what I eat, within the boundaries I set. Also, besides the book/podcasts I recommended earlier, let me recommend intermittent fasting. As someone who has been a binge eater since elementary school and who had no hope of ever stopping, intermittent fasting has been a powerful tool in my anti-binge arsenal. Set your own times: "I can eat whatever, but ONLY FROM 11 a.m. until 6 p.m. Then I'm DONE until tomorrow." Whatever works for your schedule. I have been mid-binge, looked at the clock, realized I was slipping into IF time, and "put the binge on hold" until the next day. But the next day, I didn't want to start it again. It's been amazing.

LaurieDawn, I totally hear you about the body imperfection thing. I think we all have a lot of baggage there! I think it's good to put it in perspective that way. You know, like Oprah used to say: "Be YOUR best self."

Running late, so my only updates: still PMS, expect TOM today, still totally bloated. Did have an NSV yesterday. Pulled a frozen brownie out of the freezer and sawed off one tiny bite. Instantly I wanted MORE. But, per that podcast I listen to, I forced the thought from my lower brain to my higher brain and made myself have a conversation about it. "Okay, are you hungry? Do you want the whole brownie? You can have it. Or you can have a substitute. Or you can have nothing. You're going to be cranky and unfulfilled no matter what because of PMS. So you can be on-plan and cranky or go over. No guilt. WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I decided to leave the brownie alone. It doesn't seem like much but for someone who has that severe PMS disorder and has a history of hormone-triggered binges, that was huge for me. Still up weight-wise but patiently waiting out my cycle.

Hope everyone is having a good week!
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Old 06-14-2017, 12:29 PM   #14
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Lilion - Food logging is something I struggle with. I hate doing it, and the obsessiveness makes it impossible for me to just relax and enjoy the food that I eat. I will do it I need to figure out what I need to tweak with my food, or to remind me that every bite counts. But, as impressed as i am by your discipline and how it works for you, I know it makes it difficult for me to maintain any degree of mental stability when I do it. However, I totally relate to the calorie shock when I read some of the nutrition information. Candy bars and soda. Oh voy.

Bookmark - I think I am currently at what I would consider to be a healthy and happy weight. I am at the very top of the "normal" category for BMI (which doesn't mean a lot), and while I know I continue to have a healthy dose of fat on my legs and butt and arms, I am generally happy with how I look. At least when I'm not focusing on the fact that I don't look like a model and have to remind myself that it is not important for my life or realistic for me. I don't know that I'll ever be able to eat intuitively, though. I tend to always want to eat more food than I need, or even than I can comfortably consume. And, even though I love many fruits and veggies, it's still an effort of will to consume them. I hope you find your way so that you don't have to deal with the demons all of the time, but I have not yet found it. I hope you made it through yesterday while maintaining your good food choices. The first day is the hardest, I think. And I hope you are on your second straight day of success. Let us know. Either way, we've been there.

Frances - See? It's the super-long discussion with myself over a brownie that I wish I could avoid. But I have been there with you so many times! It's exhausting and time-consuming, but sometimes, it's just what we need to do to reach a critical goal -- to control the weight. I am so excited for you that you won your brownie war. I agree - it would have been fine to have the brownie. If it fed a critical need and made you feel better. But, sometimes, eating the brownie is like slamming the heroin. Or maybe I should have chosen a less destructive drug for a simile. The first shot of alcohol is good for someone who is not an alcoholic. For someone who is, though, it too often leads -- very quickly -- down a road of destruction. Food addiction is really hard, though. Not saying you're a food addict. Saying I am.

I am going on vacation, starting on Sunday. Taking the kids on a cruise, after driving 15 hours to the cruise port. The road snacks are the worst for me. Trapped in a car all day with all these people crunching away on stuff I shouldn't consumer very much of. And I tend to be a "break the seal" kind of person. If I open one single-serving bag of chips, I want to eat them all. I am going to bring a few fiber brownies and some protein bars and maybe some blueberries for the ride there, but I'm also not going to worry about it much. Cruises mean lots of walking, enough time to work out, and enough food variety that I can select low-calorie options without too much of a challenge. Gonna get packed tonight and make sure I have everything I need.
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Old 06-14-2017, 01:30 PM   #15
Diane
 
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Hi all. Sorry, another quick check in. I am so swamped at work....
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