[ubergirl]

Happy day everyone!

Amanda I have a food scale and I did use it religiously the first time I went through a big old weight loss, but now, honestly, I am SO GOOD at eyeballing that it seems unnecessary-- whenever I double check myself, I'm right on the money. I have a friend who is even more neurotic than I am and she weighs every ingredient she cooks so that she gets a precise view of the calories in her recipes, whereas I tend to gravitate toward single ingredient foods-- like a piece of chicken on salmon-- and you can get very good at assessing serving size for simple foods. If you use it for a while, you'll get an idea of whether it helps you or not.

Diane I like the idea of the body flow! I'm glad that you are back to running and spinning even if you're not pushing it. Glad that the food has been better. You're doing a GREAT job of hanging in there!

Laurie

I was also really hungry when I woke up, and I had all of the "let's give up" self-pitying thoughts. And then I started contemplating what that would look like. I could stop for fast food, or pick up something from the gas station. But as I considered it, I realized that there was nothing that would give me that "overfull feeling" that I was craving that would not simultaneously make me feel sick. Weird that I had never realized before that the same feeling that makes me finally feel sated is also the feeling that makes me feel unable to physically function.

That conversation in your head is SO FAMILIAR to me. The hardest hardest thing for me is to realize that when I feel that "need to stuff" that the alternative is just to wait it out. But that really is the key to the whole problem!

Re the body image and pannus, and covering up, and etc. I think the big fat HOOKER of maintenance is the little voice that tells you that you are still fat. Because if you are still fat then it's less important to maintain, because the HOOKER seductively suggests that you might as well eat x,y, or z because that's what fat girls do. And while I know that anyone could become obsessed with plastic surgery (if they could afford it, LOL) and never be satisfied, I think that the pannus, which makes the clothing fit weird, is just a daily reminder of membership in the "fat girls" club. And the "buy stuff for the kids, not for yourself" problem? Well, that is one hundred and fifty per cent me too!!! One of my biggest insights from last time around was that when money got tight, I economized on myself, feeling guilty about every single tiny splurge, no matter how insignificant, until guess what was left to reward myself with? Duh? Binge Food. I am not ashamed to admit that I have spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY on fancy cosmetics this time-- but you know what? A five step nighttime beauty routine gave me something to do at night that was relaxing besides eat. In short, I think sometimes binge eating is a weird attempt to take care of ourselves.

So, as for me. Having a bit more trouble with hunger yesterday and today, so I'm reaching the point where I think I may have to add breakfast. Today, by 11:30 I had a headache, and it's no good to be that hungry because then I start wanting to overeat. Down another pound. Think I should soon be leaving the 280s goodbye, and while the 270s is way above where I want to be, at least I should be able to hit the 20lbs gone mark pretty soon! Work out wise, after two days off I hopped back on the treadmill yesterday and I went back to my pre-leg-cramp workout, and it felt ridiculously easy. In retrospect, I think I realize the problem-- I think I was dehydrated. I tend to get really dehydrated when I'm traveling and I'm taking a new med that also is dehydrating. I thought something was wrong as I was struggling to get through a workout that was about half the intensity of my normal-- I'm pretty sure that was the problem! Phew!

[DreadPiratePanda]

Laurie: Lol option #3 is what got me back to the gym today! I had zero motivation and just ended up gritting my teeth and doing it. I can relate on the "overfull and sick" feeling. It's satisfying and shameful all at once but I want it, and the most difficult part of all is trying to not give into it.

Diane: I think that's why I want the food scale. I know theoretically how much I should be eating of food, but realistically I have no idea what those amounts look like. That Body Flow class sounds like fun!

Uber: I want to get to the point where I can realistically eyeball portion sizes without overestimating like I do now! I want to measure everything out (except for spices, etc) for a while until I feel comfortable doing that. Glad you figured out the workout issue! Water is boring but definitely makes us feel good.



Whelp, I'm on Day 2 of getting to the gym this week. Did another 30min walk on the treadmill but at a slightly faster pace today (my calves are definitely paying the price). We decided that any day I get out of work on-time or early, or have a good/easy day, we're going to go to the gym for at least a walk. If I work late or have a hard day, we'll see how it goes. The goal is to go at least five times for the week, with at least one rest day. Had a good food day: banana/walnut oatmeal and a cup of coffee for breakfast, ham/cheddar sandwich with pickle and string cheese for lunch, strawberries/hardboiled egg/string cheese for post-workout snack, and fish with rice and asparagus for dinner. This whole meal-planning and buying lots of healthy snacks to keep around the house gig is working awesomely. If I get hungry and eat a little too much for a snack? It's fine, because it's within reason and healthy snacks anyways.

I weighed myself this morning even though I wanted to wait till tomorrow. I couldn't help myself! Got too curious. Came out to 261.2 so I gained a whole 0.2lbs since Sunday morning. This means that either my cheat day Sunday wasn't as bad as I thought is was, OR I'm being that good the rest of the time. I'm quite pleased with myself either way and can't wait to see how much I weigh tomorrow morning.

Was going to write a lot more but y'all, I'M TIRED. I passed the **** out last night after dinner and I've got a big feeling I'm going to do the same tonight. Had 8 amazing hours of sleep last night and I know it's all because I got my happy butt up and out and went to the gym. Had forgotten just how well I tend to sleep when I'm working out regularly. I should make it to 10,000 steps again today, will definitely hit my water goal, and hit my goal of 10 flights of stairs. Pretty damn proud of myself right now lol.

[LaurieDawn]

Diane - We have twin vices! I also drink my energy boost in the afternoon. I largely do it because I want a treat. Like you said, I quite enjoy it, though I probably could make better choices. One thing at a time, though, right? Body Flow actually sounds pretty awesome. I think I am going to try to incorporate something like that in my week, too. I feel like I could use it. Hope your flexibility is better than you think it will be, and that your sore foot is recuperating well.

Amanda - I love listening to your honeymoon phase excitement! It is such a fantastic place to be. And I am so impressed with the level of planning that goes into your routine. You're eating well, both in terms of nutrition quality and the ability to just enjoy your food. I have thought quite a bit about the "option 3," and I am going to have a great run today, even if I have to do it through sheer will power. Glad your sleeping is improving with the increased exercise. Sounds like things are really falling into place.

Uber - This is why I love having you around! Binge eating as self-care is an interesting concept, and one that I feel like I should have invested more time in considering, given that I have been to counseling about this very issue, but I really hadn't. Yay for the expensive cosmetics and the self-care beauty routine, BTW. That's a great idea. I actually think I am going to try to introduce this idea of self-care into our marriage counseling tomorrow. My husband's insecurities have been driving me to intentionally neglect self-care. I love going out for evening walks, but he sees it as me trying to escape from him, or in his crazier moments, sees it as me sneaking out to cheat on him. Maybe this type of self-care would negate the need to binge, at least to some degree? The whole "post-fattie" thing also has me thinking a lot. Whereas I was wavering about the surgery before, I feel very committed to it now. Glad you figured out the dehydration thing, and think adding breakfast sounds like a good idea. It's the tweaks, in my opinion, that make plans work long-term. And woot on the almost-20-pounds-gone milestone and rocking the treadmill!

I'm maintaining right at 155. 155.6 again this morning. Going to just eat well today and do a hard-core 5-mile run on the treadmill this afternoon. Going to avoid snacking in the evening by avoiding the kitchen. Maybe even go to bed early. Things are actually going very, very well with the husband, but that has led to a lot of very late nights too many nights in a row.

[Slashnl]

Uber: I think you're right, you probably were dehydrated. I'm glad that the treadmill was better, and easy! That helps keep you going!! Just a thought on the breakfast issue... I used to eat an egg, cheese, and green chili mixture for breakfast. It was great, and not too bad on calories, but I wanted to go a little lower on calories in the morning so I had more room at night. I eat a protein bar most mornings after workouts. It is lower calorie, about 190, and it gives me protein that helps me through until lunch time. It might just take a little something so that you don't get a headache!

Dread: You have every reason to be proud! You're doing great! It is hard to get back on track, but then you realize how much better you feel, and how much better you sleep, when you're doing it right!! That's so cool!

Laurie: That's the thing about the energy drink. I like the little boost, but I also like the taste and the little bit of carbonation that it has. I drink a lot of water, but with this drink, I can have a little "treat" without blowing the calorie budget. So glad you are maintaining so well and that your marriage is doing better. Sometimes recognizing and acknowledging the problem is half the battle. Then you can at least talk about it and move forward.

For me, I went running last night. It was pretty good, but not great. I woke up this morning really sore from the weights and running, so I decided not to go to spin. I had to fight the feeling bad about it because I think the rest is ok, too. It just feels like slacking even if it isn't. I'll go back to body pump in the morning.

Oh and about Body Flow.... I don't know if I would call it fun. I think it is beneficial and does seem to work, but I don't know if I really enjoy it that much. I think it is really hard, but that's probably because I'm not that flexible. I know that it will get easier, but it just about kills me to start it back up again. It helps with balance, which is another area that I struggle in. UGH... I just prefer the weights or cardio because I'm used to doing that type of workout. Must.Step.Out.Of.The.Box......

[ubergirl]

Diane Thanks for the protein bar idea. I know that I do well in general with single-serving items. It's easier for me to control what goes in. I drink coffee with about a cup of milk, so I'm getting about 120 calories in the coffee, but adding a protein bar, or maybe adding the protein bar right when I get hungry, which is usually about 10 am, would tip me over while keeping the calories low. In general, I find that eating more earlier in the day doesn't help me eat less later and my hungriest time of day is lunch. Thanks for the advice! And kudos for pushing yourself to do body flow. I really would like to do something like that, but I'm crippled by self-consciousness.

Amanda I love that you don't count your treadmill steps in your 10k steps! That is IMPRESSIVE. I used to run around for work, but now I sit for work, and if I don't get my treadmill in, my steps are super low. It sounds like you are doing GREAT!

Laurie I really feel for you about the feeling that you can't go do something that you would feel is fun and relaxing because of what is going on with your husband. I am super-duper prone to that kind of thinking. I have such a habit of feeling guilty whenever I do anything for myself. It makes it worse, when it's laid on me from the outside, but I do a pretty good job of policing myself. I'm so happy with my new doctor!! She is really great and we spent a long time talking about the binge=self-care thing today. And I know in my heart it's true. When I need new clothes but don't buy them, when I avoid the hair stylist, when I'm just generally not doing anything nice for myself, that's also usually when I'm up to my elbows in the cookie jar. I hope you get things sorted with your husband. Early maintenance is a fragile period and you need to be thinking about yourself!

So, as for me. Went back to the MD for a BP check today. BP normal. Down a total of 13 pounds on docs scale, which is a bit less than the 15 on my scale, but I think it's just due to me starting myself at a slightly higher weight, as our scales are the same. (good to know mine's accurate). New MD so nice, so willing to listen and work with me. Very encouraging. We had a long chat about WHY it has been hard for me to lose weight and keep it off even though I CAN lose weight. She's very interested in helping me add tools to my arsenal so that when I do hit the skids, I'll have more resources. I'm really happy to find someone this understanding and flexible!!! So basically, I'm losing at a solid 2 lbs a week, which is a good pace, and I'm not going to ratchet down my calories unless my current plan stops working. Feeling pretty good about everything!

[DreadPiratePanda]

I've lost 10lbs!
Work is insane. Be on later

[Slashnl]

Uber: Yeah, that's actually what I do with the protein bar. I'm usually not hungry after working out in the morning, so I don't eat it until about 9:30-10:00 or so. Glad you are happy with your doctor!! That is always a good thing.

Dread: Congrats!!!

For me, went to Body Pump this morning. I was glad to be back this morning. I know that it is ok to take a day off every once in a while... in my head. But after not going yesterday, I felt bad about it all day. That's just stupid to feel that way, but I just dragged the rest of the day because of it. Sometimes.... So, I don't know if it was the bad feelings for the day, but I didn't do well on food yesterday. I got back on track today and I feel in control, but yesterday wasn't good. I am hoping to run tonight, and then be ready for Body Flow in the morning.

[DreadPiratePanda]

Laurie: Ha! Probably just as much as I love being in the honeymoon phase lol. Half the credit goes to the Boyfriend - we both worked really hard to make the food both sound and taste good. Keeps us from losing interest too fast. Pre-planning all the meals for the week also makes it easier to just go with flow since eating something different would actually take *more* energy than just eating what's already made. I'm so glad to hear that Option 3 is working for you and that things are looking up for you and the Hubby! I love it when people have good news.

Diane: Thank you! We've been working so hard and it seems like for whatever reason, this time has just clicked for us with the weight loss and working out. Everything is just so much better now - we feel better, we sleep better, we feel better about ourselves...it's quite nice lol. Get out of that comfort zone, girl! It sounds like Body Flow will open back up a whole new world of fitness for you again! I miss doing yoga and pilates. I think that might be one of my rewards to myself for losing a set amount of weight - I'll get myself some classes at a yoga studio (or maybe kickboxing!). Good job pulling it all together again today!

Uber: Why, thank you It feels like cheating to include the treadmill steps in the 10k lol. My normal step count is also why I don't feel *too* bad when I don't quite hit the full amount; I normally average about 8-9k each day so it's not that big of a jump for me. That exercise, though. UGH. THAT'S a big deal to me to make my goal of five days for the week. I'm glad you're being good to yourself. You deserve nice things and you deserve for your body to feel and look nice, no matter what weight or fitness level you're at. I'm proud of you for realizing that! It's so awesome that your doctor is supportive and helpful!!! It makes everything so much better to be surrounded by supportive people, and medical people especially. Congrats on the loss!



Man, I was so freaking grumpy yesterday. Work was long and hard and terrible, I was tired, my muscles hurt, and my weight still hadn't budged from 261.0. So I retaliated by going home, sitting on the couch, eating the rest of my strawberries and not working out. Watched the last episode of Iron Fist, ate a reasonable dinner and went to bed. I didn't eat fast food, I didn't go for the cheese and grease, I just sat on the couch and pouted, ate my regular food and went to bed.

And in return....I woke up to 259.8! Apparently, I just needed a day off to recover and everything magically fixed itself. I feel awesome again today lol. Had a smoothie for breakfast, spinach and chicken with whole wheat pasta for lunch, banana/hard boiled egg/string cheese for snack after the gym, and dinner tonight will be fish and veggies. Overall, a good day, a long week, and tomorrow I start my five day vacation from work, THANK YOU BABY JESUS.

Life is good.

[LaurieDawn]

Crazy coupld of days. Work has been insane, and I only have a couple of minutes, so I am posting what I was working on yesterday and will come back to respond to the rest later today, hopefully. I wanted to just skip weighing this morning and 3FC today, but I am not going to do it.

Diane - I know EXACTLY what you mean. The exercise part of it for me is less about burning calories and more about helping me with food discipline. It's hard for me to work out after I have eaten a lot or eaten inappropriately, so I modify what and when I eat based on making sure I can work out. It also really helps me with the mental part of it. Do I really want to eat [this] when I know it takes an hour of running to burn off the calories from it? Glad you got to Body Pump this morning. Hope your foot is all healed up, and that your back/shoulder issues are being kept at bay.

Uber - Two pounds a week is a really good pace. I know you've said you tend to be a slow loser, so I am hoping this pace continues for a long, long time -- at least to goal. =) I love the idea of having new tools in your arsenal, and really glad you have a sympathetic, helpful doctor who listens rather than dictates. They seem far too rare these days. I am really struggling right now, and think that the self-care issue is something I really need to consider.

[ubergirl]

Hey everybody! You all are working so hard, and here I sit in my bedroom office with a BIG OL manuscript in front of me and I'm procrastinating. I have a question for the group: how do you guys feel about cycling calories-- going up and down more on some days, less on others? I ask because I'm offering myself a more relaxed, cheat-meal friendly plan this time, and so far my weight loss has been as good or better than usual, and I'm not sure if this works just as well, or if it's just because I was up above my normal weight-- I've never really maintained a weight that high for any length of time. After the WLS doctor told me that former fatties have slower metabolisms, I'm wondering if there is any truth to the idea that cycling calories could mitigate against that.

Amanda Woo-hoo! Congratulations on getting to a new decade! Somehow 259 sounds A LOT smaller than 261, don't you think? You are doing great, and I'm sure all the steps really help with that. I'm going to have to think a little bit more about my lack of steps that aren't treadmill steps. My life just doesn't require much normal moving around-- I sit when I work, I drive my kid around, and I treadmill, so there is nothing in my life that really gets me moving besides formal exercise. I love the thought of you doing all your steps then hopping on the treadmill. Something for me to aspire to. Also, isn't the food-planning ahead of time the best? Reducing decision making is the most helpful thing of all. I've thought about ordering in my groceries just so that I didn't have to risk an in-store impulse buy.

Diane Ditto for me one hundred per cent about the exercise and food issue. I lose just as well when I don't exercise, but I don't manage my stress as well, which leads to eating, which leads to... well you know. Clearly for you, exercise is a terrific healthy mood-booster as well as something that you've gotten so much pleasure from seeing so much improvement. Keep with your exercise and the food will follow!

Laurie Hope things calm down for you at work, and definitely-- think self-care!!! For me, it's mostly a money thing. I feel guilty if I spend a cent that isn't for something practical-- that means that anything else, beauty products, vacations, hairstyling, car, you name it-- falls under the rubric of "frivolous." I've been having so much fun with my crazy new beauty routine, with fourteen different skin care products morning and evening, AND I just got a brazilian blowout. Crazily over expensive, but I have curly hair that has sort of lost its mojo as I've aged, so now it works better if I wear it straight-- and with the BBO I've got silky pretty straight blond movie star hair. My daughters, who have curly hair think my straight hair obsession is funny and slight ridiculous. And okay, maybe it's the hair I wanted but didn't have in seventh grade, and I don't really need it now that I'm so old, but it makes me feel terrific. You earn money. I earn money. Why shouldn't at least a little bit of that money go to keep us happy and sane-- and pretty?

So, yesterday morning, I woke up and was surprised to see 280 on the scale! But yesterday, my son won the school spelling bee (so proud, as I'm a total word nerd myself!) and so we went out to dinner to celebrate, so this morning it was back to 281. I think it will be another week before I see anything in the 270s, but that's not so bad. Workout-wise, I'm super happy to report that I did reach a new milestone, maintaining a faster speed with harder intervals throughout my entire 30 min session. I'm still walking .2 slower than my former moderate pace, but I can see being back there before long. PROGRESS!

[Slashnl]

Dread: Good news on the scale for you! Awesome! I do think that a day of rest can help with weight loss. I think it is really tough during the rest day because I feel out of sorts when I'm not doing an exercise. But mostly everything you read says that it is best to have a rest day.

Laurie: Glad you posted today. It is tough sometimes with work being busy or whatever else might be happening. I'm just always glad to see your name!

For me, yes I went to Body Flow this morning. It was really tough and I can see that I have lost some flexibility and balance. But, it also pointed out to me that I need to make it back there each week to get that back. I felt so stiff! But, I made it through. I also went running last night. I was pretty happy about it just because I was so close to not going. Work has been so busy and I was just ready to be home to watch the basketball games. But I was able to run, even though it felt like somewhat of a struggle. I made it for a good amount of time and felt good afterward.

Food has been on track again, so that's good. I hope to get a good hike in this weekend if the weather is decent. I've purposely been staying away from the scale, but I think I'll get on it Monday to see how the week has been. Have a good weekend everyone!

[Slashnl]

Uber: We posted together. Nice that you are taking care of yourself with some extra beauty care!!! Glad things are going well for you.

[DreadPiratePanda]

Laurie: glad you pushed through and posted!

Uber: I've read a bunch of articles about the slower metabolism thing and cycling calories, and tbh, I'm not sure at all. It makes sense that by changing things up, it can keep your body on its toes...for instance, when your weight plateaus it means you gotta shift things around, right? Wouldn't doing that from the start prevent that sort of plateau? I've also read that the slower metabolism is a myth - that's it's really just a mental phenomenon where in reality, people of higher weights just simply don't MOVE as much as skinnier people. Which also kind of makes sense. Part of my weight loss is making myself simply move off the couch more often. Either way, I honestly have no idea which is correct lol! It all makes sense if you take a step back. Congrats on all your progress!!!!

Diane: Yes, I totally agree about the rest days. I feel kind of guilty about taking them, but my body always thanks me for it afterwards in the form of a lower weight. I read something about how when your muscles are hurting, it's the acid from breaking bonds in the muscles and forming new ones, BUT the process of that also tends to hold extra water in the muscles because of it. It makes sense why when the soreness goes away, so does that bit of extra water. Congrats on making it through Body Flow and getting food back on track!!


I had a pretty big epiphany this weekend! I even made an entirely new thread about it, I was so excited lol. Ate stuff I've cut out of my diet (nachos, BBQ, cheese, etc) this weekend because I spent most of it with family and friends. I enjoyed myself, and when I weighed myself Sunday and realized I had gained four pounds in water weight, I just sighed and drank an extra bottle of water before going to breakfast (where I had eggs, toast and hash browns) with my best friends. It was a nice weekend.

The epiphany is that I'm not mad at myself! I'm just determined. I was good the rest of yesterday and I've already lost a pound of the water weight. It's not about the weight, guys! It's about being healthy and how exercising and eating well makes my body feel SO GOOD, but relaxing a bit and eating fun foods with my friends does too. All those heavy foods made me so exhausted afterwards, which just reinforced my wanting to eat healthy. I'm actually *glad* to be back to eating on plan.

It's honest to God about being healthy this time. About my body feeling good, about *me* feeling good and feeling good about myself. This is gonna be the weight-loss that sticks! I can feel it! My attitude is so different this time, it feels amazing!

[LaurieDawn]

Good afternoon! It has been so hard to find time to post at work, and I have started and not finished both Thursday and Friday. Gonna do better, cuz this has to remain a priority for me.

Uber - I'm really glad to hear that you're having a good time with your skin treatments, and love that you got a Brazilian blow-out. Honestly, after Googling it, I kind of want a Brazilian blow-out. The Google tells me that it lasts ten-twelve weeks. You'll have to let me know if that's your experience, as I'm trying to figure out some sort of hair solution. And, honestly, I fully intend to look way hotter at 45 than I ever did at 35 or 25, and way, way hotter when I'm 55, then 65. At about 75, I'll consider "aging gracefully." Maybe. As for your calorie cycling question, my honest answer is that I have no idea. I have read SO many scientific studies on weight loss, including stuff on calorie cycling and the "whoosh phenomenon." The authors of the pieces I have read about the "whoosh phenomenon" (where people who have been on plateaus suddenly push up their calorie count for a short period of time and "break the plateau") have frankly admitted they do not have scientific data to back it up, but empirically, they have seen it in lots of clients. This is the reason I get so impatient with medical personnel and dietitians who sit us fat people down and explain whatever flavor of weight loss they preach without taking into account my individual needs/tendencies/history. I really think the best way to do it is to continue to do what is working for you until it no longer works for you, then switching up strategies. And, I think it is critical to consider the mental/lifestyle component along with the physical one. If a certain way of eating works without fail when it is followed religiously, but I am unable to follow it, it is not the solution for me. It sounds like this is working for you, and that it isn't making you crazy. I think that is perfect, and calorie cycling has worked for a number of people. So, whether the advantage is that it's easier to maintain the diet or it actually does the "confuse the body" thing (that I personally think is probably as ridiculous as talking about how "Mother Nature" will fix the environment, as neither the "body" nor "Mother Nature" is sufficiently anthropomorphic to assume those reasoning powers), I am a huge advocate for doing what works.

Diane - It sounds like everything is falling into place for a long and victorious climb back to where you want to be, and where you recently were. I can't wait to hear an update on what the scale is reporting. Hopefully, it will be kind and reasonable, as you deserve. I have been dreading the exercise portion of my day recently, which, fortunately, is unusual for me. Your enthusiasm for it reminds me of how grateful I need to be that I am able to get to the gym and do what needs to be done. Thank you.

Amanda - I read your new thread and your post here. I love that you have made this less of a "diet" this time around and more of a "lifestyle." I also love that you ate toast - toast! - with no thought of guilt. I actually ate a slice of toast made with Ezekiel bread this morning as I was leaving the house, and I fought with the desire to go back home and eat the whole loaf of bread. I may actually have to toss the rest of the loaf because I cannot be chill about toast right now. I cannot tell you how much I love reading that this has morphed from a "have to eat this way to lose weight" to "get to eat this way and enjoy all of the benefits from it" attitude. I am so excited that you have found the winning formula! It won't be struggle-free, of course, but that's why we're here! And, as I am working through my thoughts of "This is really and truly a forever commitment if I don't want to have to lose a significant amount of weight ever again," it is really reassuring to be reminded that I am not embracing a lifetime of misery.

Big things happening in my work life and in my marriage. Like -- overwhelmingly good, if challenging, things at work. And my husband has become almost perfect, which is defined as "so perfect that I've become terrified." This was my epiphany this morning. My husband texted me to let me know that the scuba diving class I'm starting on Wednesday (which he bought me as a Christmas present) required me to purchase the gear beforehand. Ugh. I should have bought the gear months ago. Now, he's texting me with pictures of the gear at the different stores he has gone to in an attempt to purchase it locally, knowing how crazy things are at work for me. I am having mixed reactions. I am simultaneously grateful that this wonderful man is taking care of me so graciously and discovering that part of me is terrified that he will win the "relationship tally." -- meaning he is doing more things for me than I do for him. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to be on this side of it. It's startling and a bit unsettling, and I am starting to become even more convinced that I need to go back to counseling. My whole life, I have been expected to be the strong one--the one who helps rather than is helped. It started with my mom, who was clinically depressed when I was young. I was expected to understand her difficulties and take care of myself and my younger siblings. In other words, my marriage is proving itself to be robust, and I am struggling to feel worthy of a robust marriage.

And this might also explain why I am kind of / sort of sabotaging my weight control struggle. I keep wanting to give up. I am not, and actually had a good run on Saturday, so I am starting to regain my running mojo. But there is a part of me that embraces the big effort / big results. The effort of maintenance is still pretty big effort, but small immediate results.

Going to try to go running this afternoon. Going to try to maintain a good calorie balance today, and eat some fruits / veggies instead of exclusively protein and junk, which is how too many of my days go. I am a little north of my range, which I want to be 150-155, as I weighed in at 156.2 this morning. I am also holding off on buying any new clothes until after my surgery, as I want to make my next thrifting adventure my last in buying lots of clothes. I have mostly size 10 stuff, which is pretty loose, but the size 8 stuff really showcases my pannus, even as it's loose around the waist, which is not ideal for me.

Hope everyone has a great day!

[ubergirl]

Hey everybody! Happy Monday!

Thanks for weighing in on the calorie cycling debate. Regarding the metabolism thing. When I was at the obesity center, the surgeon quoted me from the NIH study where they took some of the Biggest Loser contestants and measured their metabolisms 5-6 years AFTER the end of the show in a very closely monitored and well-controlled setting, and what they found was that across the board, people who had lost large amounts of weight tended to have slower metabolisms, even long after the weight loss was completed-- and they said that was true whether the person had kept the weight off or gained it back. The supposition is that massive weight loss permanently slows the metabolism, making it harder not to gain the weight back. This also explains why WLS patients tend to only lose to a certain point, and then normally plateau, and then regain some. Their bodies seem to adjust to the lower caloric intake by slowing the metabolism. Most WLS patients never reach a "normal" BMI even with their radically reduced input-- they used to think it was because the patients were "cheating" or "stretching out their pouch" but there seems to be a post-obese metabolic factor as well. This totally rings true for me. During the two years I maintained a weight of 190, I had to stay below 1300 calories a day AND run 3-4 miles a day. So, I'm thinking that if I can't maintain 180-190 I may just try to pick a more workable maintenance weight. I'm tall with a big frame, and at 190 I looked thin. But 210 is WAY more workable for me than 295!!!


Amanda I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU about the being healthy thing. I've been thinking about that a lot myself. I went through a REALLY BAD PATCH for most of 2016, and eventually I ended up feeling awful and being sort of scared-- scared that I my health was deteriorating, that I was never going to snap out of it, and yet here I am just about two months later, and I am seeing big progress with the scale and with my workouts and I feel much different and better. I tend to get into a spiral where I don't exercise because of the weight I see on the scale discourages me and then it's a spiral of eating more and moving less. I'm so glad things are going so well for you, and HOORAY for not beating yourself up or getting caught up in the scale. It's so hard, as we are all conditioned that way!

Diane RUNNING!! So happy to hear it! I think it is super-empowering to feel that we are able to do things even if our weight is not for the moment where we want it to be! And good insight about the body flow as well. I'm not doing anything that promotes flexibility and I definitely need to add that to my regimen. I'm hoping that you stay injury free now that you are hitting such a good groove!

Laurie As for the Brazilian Blow Out. Two words DO IT!!!!!! Just make sure you find someone who does it a lot, as the first time I tried it, it didn't work properly. I find that it lasts a lot longer than 10-12 weeks, and it's too expensive for me to repeat constantly. My hair is very curly, but as I've aged, it's gotten finer and FRIZZIER. I have to go through a whole gelling, scrunching routine to get it to lay right and even then, if it gets messed up I have to start again from scratch. The BBO makes it way easier for me to style it straight. As far as your other problems, getting used to the difference between 275 and 155 is pretty heady stuff. I really applaud you your desire to really understand yourself. And I really get that about "being the strong one". It's no good. We can't live like that. It's exhausting.

So BIG NEWS FOR UBER. I've been walking on the treadmill but pushing my speeds and incline on a interval pattern, and yesterday, I decided to start C25K. Now, that was kind of an emotional thing for me. Back in 2009, I hadn't run a step in YEARS and I was convinced I couldn't do it, and then I started C25K. I found it quite difficult and had to repeat several weeks, but when I finally mastered it, it was the beginning of quite a lot of running that was something I was really proud of. But, I have never tried running at the weight I'm at now. I was worried it was going to be way too hard. But I think the interval walking on the treadmill has pushed me along a lot more than I realized. I breezed through the first day with a moderate running pace. I know the first day is really easy, but just doing that felt like a big accomplishment, and I got a giant endorphin rush!Foodwise, I've been a bit loose with a lot of kids in and out of the house for spring break, and so the scale still sitting at 281, but i'm sure to see a change soon!