Kat - Insomnia is the worst. And, of course, lack of sleep makes it all that much harder to lose weight because of its physiological impacts, but I know I have a harder time controlling my food when I'm exhausted. Hope you find a solution to the insomnia. And walking an extra 100 steps a day is fantastic! It's so easy to tell ourselves we aren't doing enough. We can always do "better," but we totally need to celebrate doing well. And you sound like you're doing well in countless ways.
I hit the gym last night. I am really starting again at weight lifting, and I'm weaker than I ever remember being. I can only bench press 60 pounds, and it's a struggle to do that. But starting right now means I will be stronger in a week and a month and a year. So, I'm starting.
As I get smaller, I am reminded that--large or small--I am the same person. I know it shouldn't be an epiphany, but so much emphasis gets placed on weight that sometimes it seems much more important than it is. I love being able to dress myself more easily (attractive, affordable plus-size clothing is hard to come by, it seems) and everyday activities, like shaving my legs, are easier. But I have the same sense of humor, the same work ethic, the same parenting skills, etc. No point here. Just sharing my musings with people who might? understand what I mean.
Laurie: I completely get what you are saying! I am appreciating little things that I couldn't do before, or do easily. Like shaving my legs. I got to where I had just given up doing that (gross! LOL but the cat didn't mind). Definitely finding more attractive clothes that aren't moo-moos in horrific patterns. Even silly things like getting in my car and not having to wedge my thighs under the steering wheel. Yesterday I kept trying to raise the seat in the car because I felt like I was sitting on the floor, but the seat was up as high as it would go. Then I realized I must have lost that much in my butt that I sit lower now!
Regarding insomnia - I think it is part peri-menopause, and part RA and Fibromyalgia pain. Normally I will take some pain medicine at night to sleep but I hate taking it every day. When I don't take it, I don't sleep. Guess that is my lesson... sometimes I have to take stuff to help.
Kat: Yeah, I agree with Laurie. When you're feeling tired, that is exactly when it gets tough to be diligent with food and staying on plan.
Laurie: Yay for you, getting back to lifting. While I know when you get back to it, you have to back off a little bit, I also think you can get back to where you were easier than it was to initially build up to those higher weights... if that makes sense. Awesome job!!
For me, I did go running last night. We had a huge rainstorm, so I didn't get to go hiking. Maybe this weekend. But, the running last night went so well. I love it when you get those times when it just feels good. It gives me hope to keep going!
I came here because i really needed a boost, and I love, love, love reading the things y'all post.
Kat - You are such a delightful addition to our group. Even when sucky things are happening to you, you respond with such humor. I am sorry you're having to deal with your pain issues. Hopefully, you and your doctor can find a way of effective pain management that you're comfortable with.
Diane - Thank you for reminding me how fantastic it is when we push through all the really hard and painful runs and get to a place where it's easy and feels good. I am so happy for you that you had hit that place last night. Hope you stay there for a while! And I think you're right about the weights. I hope that it builds more quickly this time than last.
Right now, I want to eat EVERYTHING. I met my husband for lunch, and chose a delicious, sensible option. I only ate about half of it because that was all that I need. But, weirdly enough, sometimes eating good, healthy food makes it harder for me to stay on track than when I use my protein shakes. I only want to consume those shakes that I know I really need, but I am now craving the second half of my lunch. I feel hungry, but am fairly sure it's truly only thirst. And I plan on going running soon, so I definitely don't need a lot of food sitting in my stomach. And I am afraid of opening the floodgates. A reasonable portion of a healthy lunch might lead into walking down to Vendo-Land and seeing what's available. Then, I will eat stuff I don't need and don't really want, and won't go running, which I will decide is okay because it's Friday and I had a long week....
So, I am here. Writing and dissecting my destructive thought processes. I will then take five minutes to drink a bottle of water and take some Tylenol for my headache. I will maybe meditate and take some deep breaths. And if I still want the rest of my lunch when I'm done, I will throw it away. These are the moments that can make a huge difference in this journey. Thank you for letting me vent.
ONE MORE DAY of the step bet challenge, and then I need to change my daily exercise goals a bit. 5 weeks of the same thing and I need a little toss up. I will keep the daily water goal the same.
I made the cake mix cookie things for my hubby and they were a hit. I only had one (so far) and I'm hoping I don't eat them all before he can have some more lol.
Hoping to hit 10 pounds lost during the challenge... only because I'm currently at 9lbs down since I started, and multiples of 5 or 10 please me. I'm happy with anything at this point, because seriously... I had mac n cheese with chicken and bacon for dinner. I'd never have allowed that for myself when I was all OMGALLTHECALORIES! This feels too much like freedom!
Mandy - Woo hoo for being almost ten pounds down! And for the mac n cheese with chicken and bacon. And for the StepBet awesomeness. And for only eating a single cookie. All of that is fantastic. So glad things are doing so well, and really glad to have you around again.
I did really well this weekend except for Saturday night. We went out with a group of friends, and one of them was a (well-meaning) food pusher. I did just fine, though I reluctantly ate two soggy french fries. But then we went to my house for board games, and it was getting late, and they were eating the most delicious-smelling popcorn, and one of them had brought deep-fried cheese somethings that smelled delicious. And I ate fairly carelessly. Which was fine, except that getting back onto the wagon on Sunday proved pretty difficult.
However, I dragged my butt to the gym after procrastinating for almost two hours. My dishes got done, my bathroom got scrubbed, my laundry got cleaned. And then I made it to the gym, got on the treadmill, and just wanted to walk instead of doing my planned run. But I sucked it up, ran the first interval, decided it wasn't too bad, and then kept going until I finished 6/6 intervals at 5.2 mph pace. I woke up at 5:30 with a bout of some stomach thing, and spent the next 45 minutes in the bathroom sweating profusely and doing other unpleasant things, and then, when I was finally able to make my escape, got ready for work, took kids to school, and am here at work trying to rehydrate. I feel much better, though, and will hopefully feel well enough to run this afternoon.
Mandy: Congrats on making it through the challenge! Good for you, and with a good amount lost!!! Win! It's great to hear that you're feeling good and working on new exercise goals.
Laurie: Sounds like you were going through a little bit of what I had this weekend. I oculd have eaten everything! It is tough to get past that.
I am going to go running tonight after work. I didn't get to spin class this morning, so I definitely need to go run.
Mandy - I love those days when good things pile up. Congratulations on your successes! 9.6 pounds down is fantastic!
Diane - The struggle is real! And not in the ironic, tongue-in-cheek way that phrase is usually employed to imply. Staying on track with food and exercise is just tough. Woot for you on the run.
I was supposed to weigh this morning, and chose not to. That was more a function of circumstance. I got up late, my husband would not let me go to sleep last night (and not even in the fun way), and the scale always registers artificially high after a night of low sleep, and my scale was temporarily inaccessible. But I only weigh once a week, and sometimes when I stop weighing altogether, bad things happen. I ate far too much last night, and was miserable for it. And then I ate a Hershey's kiss. Only a little bit of chocolate, but the munchies monster has completely descended.
So, I am going to breathe deep, focus, and decide to take care of myself today. Drink enough. Make good food choices. Enjoy my walks. Go for a run. AND lift weights this evening. Dinner is chicken strips and macaroni and cheese. I do not love boxed mac & cheese, so I can ignore that pretty well. But the chicken strips are delicious. So I will make a food choice for me that I intend to thoroughly enjoy while the family is eating chicken strips, and I vow to throw them away (which will make my husband crazy!) if I find myself so distracted by them that I think I might eat them and make myself miserable again.
Work can chill for the day. I will get to what I can, and let the rest wait for tomorrow. Today is about finding my stride again. Because I cannot afford to lose it and re-gain the weight I have lost since last spring. This is a lifetime commitment, and it is worth it. But it is monster hard for me.
Laurie: Oh boy, you and I kind of hit the same spot. I didn't weigh yesterday, but totally by choice, in that I didn't think it would be great, and honestly, I just didn't want to try to fight back with a good attitude. I also could be on a slippery slope, so I'm really focusing on getting back in the groove. I think it is good that you have a plan for dinner. That's proactive!
Running was not stellar last night. I ended up stopping early and just walking on an incline. I was just really out of sorts yesterday. I think it had to do with not weighing in, not going to spin class, and just being off my schedule. The other part is that I learned that a friend of mine has leukemia. It is fine to be concerned for your friend, but it is not ok to just give in to eating indulgences and not exercising like usual. That doesn't help them. Overall, just a blah day yesterday.....
But, I went to Body Pump this morning, and that helped. I had someone tell me that it looks like I've lost more weight, so that's good. But really hard to believe when the scale doesn't agree.
Onward! I keep looking at this sticky note on my monitor: I didn't come this far to only come this far.
I am throwing in the towel... I have bounced back and forth with the same 5-8 pounds for 2 months. I just can't even find anything funny to say... I know this is just all trash talk on my part and I will go home and sit down to my cucumber & tomato salad and say "yay! I am so excited to be eating this" - and I will try so so so hard not to get on the scale in the morning only to see it move upward. But I will get on the scale. Because I have proven that I am a masochist. Yup. I am my own 50 shades of gray - but with food. *sigh*
Diane - I am so sorry to hear about your friend. And I get how frustrating it is to work so hard and get so far and then realize it's just a long road (life-long road) of more and more hard work. And I often wonder if it's worth it when it is so...easy... to fall back into old habits. But I never enjoy that either. It's just so much guilt and difficulty fitting into the tub and being so hungry all of the time and sneaking food because I don't want people to see me eat that much and not being able to run or do a push-up or put the smackdown on my kids in basketball. In short, at least for me, being fat is really hard and unpleasant. So, to paraphrase, I am trying desperately to pick the hard that lets me fit in suits that create a good impression on colleagues and lets me shave my legs without getting out of breath and lets me climb a flight of stairs while talking to a coworker without being embarrassingly out of breath.
Sorry to go on and on. As you say, we've hit our struggle point together, so I am really trying hard to convince myself that quitting is not the answer.
Oh -- and if your work-out friends tell you it looks like you're losing weight, they are not saying anything about the scale. They're saying you look good. So, your body composition may be shifting to be more muscular. They may not realize you're retaining water and your ankles are swollen (maybe???) -- they just see that your waist is tighter or your hourglass figure is more defined. You know what I'm saying. You look good! Don't let the scale ruin that for you. That's not why it's there.
Kat - It feels like you are where we are at. We are gonna make this work. You just started IP, yes? Maybe it would assist you mentally to look at it as a whole new effort so you don't think "two months and a maximum of eight pounds down." Even the "quick weight loss" programs require some time to work, and every program is going to have plateaus. At some point, it's about faith. If you are operating at a caloric deficit, and you've been checked for things like thyroid function and PCOS, it will work eventually. It can be a slog, though. And you may be achieving some body composition adjustments as well. But cucumbers and tomatoes kind of sound delicious. But perhaps because I haven't been eating them for days on end. =)
Yesterday went well. Not perfectly. And today is going well. I think I need to - AGAIN - establish an eating cut-off time. It is the witching hours that drive me to search cupboards for sugar, any sugar. Right now, in the morning, it seems crazy to me that I do it. But at 10 p.m. last night, I was digging through the bag I keep in my car for garbage (it consisted of water bottles and a mostly-uneaten, but opened, Peeps package). I dug out the Peeps, ate three of them before tossing them in the real garbage can. It's not like it was a straight-up binge, and the calories could fit in my day, but the feeling of being out of control and eating them when I was already slightly uncomfortably full was a disappointment.
Today, cut-off time for eating is 8:30 p.m. Nothing passes my lips except water.
Well, looks like we're all in about the same place. So here's my reply to you guys, Laurie and Kat, as well as to myself.
Yep, it isn't easy and it isn't always going to go as we want it to go. But, there shouldn't even be an option to give up. And, actually, I don't consider that. Because, looking back at being 294 pounds... nothing was easy and I'm not willing to go back to feeling like that. So, even if I have to be at the same 229-230 pounds for now, so be it. That's the way it is. But, I know that keeping with it and keeping the slip ups at a minimum, there will be a downward trend, even on the scale.
It can be so frustrating, but when it does turn around and you do start losing, the rewards are so great. Those are just hard to remember when there is a stall and motivation is low.
So, I went hiking last night, and it was fun. Went to spin this morning. And I'm so far on plan with food. I might go running tonight, we'll see how it goes by then. We'll get there, I know it!
So, while nursing and letting my monster nap, I was scrolling through Pinterest and adding things to my "Inspiration & Motivation" board. I saw a couple that were particularly helpful to me... they really struck a chord in my brain today, and so I will share!
I'm determined to make it stick this time around, and I need to build up my endurance so I can continue to increase the intensity and duration of my workouts. I'm focusing on that first, and just trying to make better food choices. Smaller portions or healthier options without counting everything. I know that's what I want to do. And for the last month or so it's been working (I *have* lost 10 pounds, so that's gotta count for something!), but I'm having a tough time keeping myself from trying to do *too much* because I want it to GO FASTER. I want the weight off of me so badly that I've spent a great deal of time thinking about unhealthy ways of taking it off, but I'm smart enough to know that it's not a great idea to go that route, even if my brain wants to spend time fantasizing.
In other news... My brother in law and his son were here from Monday night until this afternoon, so I've been tending to them. I exercised Monday morning. I didn't do much on Tuesday, so I'm counting it as my rest say, and when my hubby finishes whatever he's working on for the church, he'll take the kiddo for a bit and I'll go get some exercise in for today. I've done well, I think, I've been eating fruits and veggies along with my crap food (in small doses) and generally enjoying myself. I ate cookies and had chocolate milk with my nephew. I ate cinnamon rolls with my husband and brother in law (my nephew said "those look dirty"... apparently the dark brown cinnamon filling, and the light brown caramel sauce made him think of dirt). We went out to dinner. We played video games. It was a wonderful time with them, and since he's deploying for six months, it was good to see them.
Tonight, hubby and I are going to be 12 and have corn dogs and tater tots in front of the TV for dinner, because sometimes it's fun to break the rules. I'll do an extra mile in my workout today so I can have fun. Work hard and play hard... It counts, right?!
I've regained twice the hard work I've done in the past. I had gone down to 150 lbs and was feeling great, but stress and negligence led to a rapid 30 lbs weight gain. I'm now 10 lbs over what I started last time I lost. I've been "trying" for the past 3 months but to be honest with all of you, I've been more busy whining about my weight and looks than actually doing something about it.
I'm excited for September to roll around. I'm giving myself goals, but I'm hoping more for a change of mindset and attitude, at least for the first month. I am very much addicted to sugar and I'll have to address that first, along with my fear of exercising in public.
