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When others mistakenly think you're pregnant...

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Old 11-02-2014, 07:55 PM   #1
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Unhappy When others mistakenly think you're pregnant...

After a long time away from this site, I've come back. I've always struggled with my weight, but it really piled on after I gave birth to three children. After giving birth to my fourth child three years ago, I quit smoking and gained about 20 more pounds.
Today my husband's aunt asked my mother-in-law if I was pregnant
It really hurt my feelings, because she obviously knew I wasn't. I've always announced each of my pregnancies, so why would this time be any different?
My husband thinks I'm too easily offended. I personally don't see why his aunt couldn't ask me directly. I also don't understand why my own mother-in-law feels the need to tell me that his aunt thought I was pregnant.
How could I not be hurt when she KNEW that I wasn't expecting and was simply stating that I was getting fatter?
The whole situation seems tasteless and mean.
Anyway, I'm hoping to use this hurt to give me some fuel to lose some of this weight.
How do you deal with "family" members (I don't even know if I want to call them that anymore) or others mistakenly thinking you're pregnant or any other criticism about your weight? I know I should let it roll off like water on a duck's back, but it is easier said than done.
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Old 11-02-2014, 08:27 PM   #2
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Honestly.. if someone is enough of a negative influence on my life, I cut them out of it. That doesn't necessarily mean I don't talk to them, or that I don't care.. but I will severely reduce the amount of time I talk to them (to like.. once every few months).. they'll get major life updates via Facebook and things like that. If they're a problem on Facebook, I will block them there too. All of it is accompanied by first letting them know that they're going too far and they need to treat me with respect, regardless of what life choices they feel I should be making instead of what I have.

I've had enough negative in my life that I don't need any extra, whether that extra be from family or friends. Now if it was a one off comment and not something she is generally doing, I'd probably just brush it off. Me cutting people out is typically after several, several warnings to the person being a jerk.
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Old 11-04-2014, 06:12 AM   #3
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I don't think you're too easily offended and I'd have been REALLY hurt too! And it would really have bugged me.

That said, I live in the sort of culture where your mother-in-law's actions would have been seen as really tactful because where I live, co-workers, extended family members, alleged friends see nothing wrong with telling me to my face how fat I am and how unhealthy and unattractive it is. I doubt your mother-in-law wanted to cause you hurt but she did want to let you know you'd gained weight in that unnecessary way people do which was insensitive and tactless in every way. I mean if we chose to state the obvious about people insensitively, what would this world be.

You're one of the better, more compassionate people in this world because I doubt you'd ever treat anyone that way. That comes with a burden of never being able to understand people that are so rude and insensitive. You have 2 options of dealing. You can 1.) cut the offender out of your life as much as possible. You may still have dealings with them, but distance yourself from them so that you take away their power to make you hurt. AND/OR 2.) you can accept that said person is an insensitive and rude individual and that's just who they are and you can't change them. They lack the advantage of being as sensitive and well-brought up as you are. It's like you look at an ill-mannered child with distaste, pity and acceptance but you don't let their bad manners affect you, same with ill-mannered adults.

I usually adopt option #2 because in my culture, family is very important so it can be hard to cut people out. Some people may say to talk to your relative about how bad they made you feel but I know it would backfire in my cultural context. But maybe, it could work for you. In this world, sometimes you're forced to deal with rudeness, remember there's always something mean/rude you could say back to the evil-sayers, that you choose not to, gives you the moral victory.
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Old 11-04-2014, 10:01 PM   #4
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I never, ever, ever EVER ask if someone is pregnant, no matter how obvious I might think it is. If someone wants to tell me they're expecting, they will when they're good and ready. I consider that question as off limits as asking about someone's religion, politics, or sex life.

You're not sensitive, your MIL is incredibly rude. Your hubby is probably just saying that to diffuse the situation. It's likely easier for him to tell you you're being sensitive than it is to tell his mother to stop being rude.
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Old 11-06-2014, 07:35 AM   #5
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I've had the pregnancy remark more than once

The first time it ever happened it was my husband and he said I had porked up around the stomach and that he could feeel something rising to the surface when he touched my stomach.

I was deeply offended but went down the doctors and asked to be put on a diet. I was probably about 10 stone 7 at the time and a size 12 with a bmi of about 21. The doctor told me that the hubby was right and I was 20 weeks pregnant! We now have a 13 year old son as a result of that!!!!

Second time it happened was at the airport when we were boarding a flight to Barcelona in early 2012. The air crew asked me how many weeks I was because I obviously looked too pregnant to fly. And I shouted at him and the whole of the plane heard. It turned out that I had a big ovarian cyst that had grown a lot and it was making me look like I was pregnant.

There have also been ocassions when I haven't been pregnant that I have had that comment and its the downside of carrying all my excess weight around my stomach and having a slim face etc.

Right now I really am pregnant and enjoying the fact that I can say "yes I am" but I totally understand how it feels as it has happened to me many times.
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