This time last year...
 

I was 172 pounds of loose and droopy skinny skin and body. But my new smaller clothes fit like a dream.

Now I am fat and solid and nothing fits. 241 is my most recent high (my previous high was well in the 300s).

It's a long story but I can't lose this weight again. I gained 60 pounds in 6 months with a lot of loss and sadness in my life.

I want to give up. Weight gain is surely the end nail in my coffin. I just can't do it. I'm not strong enough.

I don't want or need advice (I'm so sorry, I'm beyond that). Just pray for a miracle for me. That's what it's going to take. Thank you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :hug: I've definitely been where you are, feeling totally beaten down.


I got down to 176 from 245. Went through one of the worst periods of my life. Gained 80 lbs in the blink of an eye.

This time last year I felt about as defeated as I ever have, and I couldn't begin to see where I'd find the strength to start on yet another diet. I've been dieting since I was 12 and I'm almost 42. I couldn't believe that I could find a way to beat this thing if I've tried and failed for 30 years.

This place was my miracle, and I was my own miracle. I went to the maintainer's forum and found the proof that no matter what your situation, whether you have PCOS, diabetes, physical disabilities, or a life in chaos, no matter how many times you've tried and failed, you CAN lose the weight and keep it off. It might take OA, bariatric surgery, or some deeply committed measure, but it is most definitely possible.

I understand not wanting advice. Sometimes what you want is just understanding and unconditional support. I'm happy to give that.

If one day you decide to give dieting another go, I'm happy to cheer you on.

I am also sorry you are going through this. It is a tough thing to have happen. And, yes, I know you didn't want advice or help, but maybe because you cared enough to post about what you are going through... there might be a part of you that is open to turning this all around.

Don't give in. Don't give up! There are so many of us who have lost and regained, and are trying once again to lose. Keep that option open.

There is a song, noted in my signature, Not Giving In by Rudimental. Pull up the lyrics and see if it helps. This song pops in my head all the time now, when things seem hard. Just read them and see if it strikes a chord with you. (Just a note, don't bother with the video... it is just weird.)

Best wishes to you!

I identify entirely with your post. On November 4, 2013, I weighed 172 lbs and was bemoaning going through a 20-lb regain in the space of 6 months. Little did I know it would get much worse this year.

However, that said, at least I'm here. Even if I never lost another pound, being here inspires me to try to be healthier which ultimately is the point even more so than vanity, although that's a huge point too. If I'm going to be fat, I might as well attempt to be healthy about it. When I'm not here, I don't know what to do, it seems. Even when I'm not succeeding at being on plan, being here helps. I seem to fail less when I read what you guys have to say. I may leave that last slice of pizza at the end of a binge, because I remember you guys. It's not much, but at least it's something.

It's okay not to feel the motivation or energy to restart this journey right now. Journal, maybe, about how you're feeling everyday. Work on maintenance, maybe. If you don't have the energy to lose weight now, maybe find the energy not to regain any further. That in itself, is empowering and just as useful as losing weight. Especially since as you say you're not back to your all-time high.

You deserve to be healthy and happy at any size, maybe make your goal be something about finding love and acceptance for yourself maybe through fitness. Maybe instead of a weight loss goal, you could maybe start working at trying to be healthier and stronger physically at the size you are. I am praying for strength for you and for wisdom to harness the strength you find to do whatever will lead you to happiness.

Thank you all.

I swore I'd never regain the weight and 2lbs here, 5lbs there and wow, 60lbs like overnight!

I didn't mean to be rude saying I didn't want advice. I know what I have to do, I just need to get my head in the game.

How can 60lbs go on so fast and take forever to come off?

I sincerely appreciate all you comments. And I'm going to look up that song above right now. :)

TheLastStraw, I somehow missed this thread before :(

I agree with everything toastedsmoke stated. The fact that you're still posting here is something, even if that something seems small. If you're feeling overwhelmed, maybe step back and take things in smaller chunks. Find something to focus on that isn't the weight, and find ways to reward yourself.

I posted this in a different thread, but what is making this journey a lot easier for me on a personal level is that I always seem to find something to congratulate myself for, and post proudly here. Sometimes it's a drop in the scale, most the time it's that I stayed on plan, sometimes it's that I went off plan but I forgave myself. Sometimes it's simply that I stayed at the same weight. It did take me a very long time to get into a mindset where I was proud of myself for staying at the same weight as weight is something I've always been ashamed of.. but really I don't think others should be ashamed of their weight, it doesn't define them as a person, so I shouldn't be any more harsh when it comes to me because weight doesn't define me either. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself either. Find stuff to be happy about, regardless of your weight. It can be hard to do, but if you work at it eventually it'll be easier. Took me over a decade of self-fighting to do, and some depression medication (which I don't suggest unless you're actually depressed.. if you think you may be, definitely see a therapist.. fighting depression on your own is difficult as all ****).

Hi there last straw ! I know what you are talking about but in my eyes you have done better than me . I have been trying to get below 200 for about 5 years LOL I needed to lose a lot of weight myself and did in the beginning but have not been able to maintain a permanent weight loss for several years . I am up 10-15 lbs then down back and forth. In my eyes you at least make it to Onderland so that is a bright side or at least it would be for me. We could all help each other here if we keep coming back here I am sure. I have gotten so much help for other people right here and it doesn't cost a time now that's what I am talking about. I know I need to start a journal that for some reason is hard for me but I just know that would help me . I JUST NEED TO DO IT ! Winter time has always been the best time for me to lose weight because I like making healthy soups and I also cook at home more instead of eating out . I do have a harder time with drinking so as much water but with a journal I plan to track my water also ! Want to join me ? We can keep track of each other this way LOL

We definitely can make this a group effort!

I at least started doing exercise classes that are costing me a bazillion dollars, I just need to get my diet under control.

This time of year is awful for me. The dark, cold evenings make me want to consume 2000-3000 calories (and I do...).

I started doing my exercise classes as late as I can so hopefully I'll crash into bed after my shower instead of the fridge. Fingers crossed.

You all are so amazingly helpful. Thank you.

Just think, since you're starting to get things under control now, spring will come just in time for when the enthusiasm starts to wane (if you're anything like me). :) Everything's going to be awesome.

Love this!

OP, we've all been there, honey. I see that you've already lost 7 pounds! Great job! I lost 48.5 pounds since March, but starting gaining it back since August. I gained 18 pounds back. I started feeling as low as I did before I started making changes, and I realized I HAD to dig deep and pull myself out of this. I started back this weekend. I lost 5 pounds in 2 days, just from water weight. I need to fight to go back down to 196.5, fight to get to my goal, and then fight to stay there.

We can do this!