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So what do I do now?

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Old 07-28-2003, 03:50 PM   #1
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Default So what do I do now?

You know I just had this enormously huge lightbulb moment.

My husband is a pessimest. In an ENORMOUS way. Now granted, we do have a lot of hard things that we go through, especially involving money and his joint custody with his ex-wife of his daughter... but I guess I'm an optimist and try to find the good things in every situation.

So he was totally bumming that he was going to miss playing volleyball this thursday night because of having to work late. Well it ends up we have to meet with the new landlord so he had to go into work early, and get out early, so it ends up he WILL get to go play volleyball with his friends. So I mentioned that in passing and he said "Yeah but I can't go to the gym "


ARRGGHHH!

He also loves to whine about all his problems with people at work, but never does anything about it (like complain to his boss).

So do you have any ideas about how a person on anti-depressants who is trying hard to be happy and optimistic can effectively cope with a pessimistic husband??
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Old 07-28-2003, 04:10 PM   #2
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BA, Not the best solution, but I've learned to just ignore mine. When he starts carrying on, I just pretend like he hasn't even said a word and start talking about something else. I figure eventually he's got to figure it out!!
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Old 07-28-2003, 06:38 PM   #3
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BA, I swear we were separated at birth! My husband always, always looks at the bad side of just about every situation.

Frankly to save my own sanity I have to just let it go in one ear and out the other. I've figured out that no matter what I say or do it just doesn't make a difference to how he sees things. Basicaly I try to be there so he feels like he has vented but I try hard not to let if affect me. It is really rough sometimes though.
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Old 07-29-2003, 12:09 PM   #4
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Hey Beth Anne! I don't know what it's like to be married or anything, but I do know how to be optimistic in the face of people around me being the opposite. Lean into your faith in God and your music. Let it shine from you, and let all of that positive energy begin to affect and influence others. You'll be amazed at what a difference one person can make on the attitudes of others. *hugs to you* & blessings!
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Old 07-29-2003, 12:38 PM   #5
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Beth Anne - I have a negatively oriented significant other, myself. It used to bother me SO much, but now I just nod and smile (usually I'm thinking of something completely different), let him vent and get it out of his system, and then we move on. I love him too much, and honestly, his attitude does help me ground my over-optimism much of the time. Once in a great while we squabble about it, but ... you know, he's never going to change and I fell in love with him just the way he was, so... I'll deal.
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Old 07-29-2003, 12:41 PM   #6
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Optimist married to a pessimest - checking in.

I don't have any good advice. I don't think what I do is working. I say "You kill me, you are such a pessimest!"

Just wanted you to know that your not alone.
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Old 07-29-2003, 12:56 PM   #7
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Bethanne,

My husband is the same way. I just listen and don't comment. My sister, who is a social worker said "you can't change the way someone else behaves, only the way you react to it."

Example- I"ll reach to scratch my back and my husband will say "what's wrong-is your back hurting you? Are you okay." I tell him I just had an itch, that's it!

I know just how you feel.

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Old 07-29-2003, 02:20 PM   #8
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could it just be that sometimes men can just be jerks and whiners? I too, have a husband that always looks at what the worst case would be. I always say.. so.. what's the best thing that can happen??
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Old 07-29-2003, 03:12 PM   #9
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You know what's really funny... I posted this yesterday, and then last night we had another similar conversation and I said to him "You are SUCH an eyore." Not in a mad tone of voice, or angry, just rather matter of factly. And I think that sort of smacked him between the eyes - because instead of arguing with my pointing out good things today - he's agreed and shut up.

We'll see how long it lasts.

Thanks for all the commiserating though - it helps to know I'm not alone.
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Old 07-29-2003, 04:32 PM   #10
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Bethanne,

That cracked me up-my husband know's he's an Eeyore, and will even talk perfectly in Eeyore's voice when he complains...

Sherry
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