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He told her I was his mother

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Old 08-25-2014, 01:46 AM   #1
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Default He told her I was his mother

Hi all..long time lurker..first time poster here...
I will try and keep the back story short..

I ended a rship of 3yrs
3months later I found out he was cheating on me with another girl
confronted the girl on how she could have claimed ignorance when his social media profile pics were of him and me....
turns out he told her I was his mother.
Ok not biological mother...step mother.

Ouch

so yes I am in extreme pain, and my self esteem right now is non existent.

So far I have managed to stop myself from eating myself numb, but its hard, feels like I've ended 2 rships.. him n food. After one week of keeping to 1200 calories daily, I lost around 4 kgs..and now after another week I've found that I've stalled.

Any advice on how I should move forward? How and where did you start? Did you follow a plan..i feel like I would do better on a fixed diet plan, but the problem is that I don't know what..any recommendations?

I've joined a gym, I've been making it a point to go for at least an hour each day..

please help me..feel so lost and clueless.
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Old 08-25-2014, 04:58 AM   #2
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Hi, and welcome

I'm sorry, I don't have any awesome advice, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what your ex did. That's really classless. I know it's none of my business, but I have to say I think you're better off without him.

As to the food part, dieting didn't work for me so I started out cutting down on portions. It's going really slowly right now, but I'd rather be losing slowly than not at all

There are lots of people on this forum that have successfully started different diets. After looking around a bit and experimenting here and there I'm sure you'll find something that works for you.
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Old 08-25-2014, 05:41 AM   #3
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I'm so sorry for your heartache, bad enough he cheated but to call you his mother..wow, what a horrible insult. I think first up give yourself time, you don't get over a long relationship quickly, it can take a while so let yourself grieve. Give yourself credit too, you're still going to the gym etc so that's great, as hurt as you are on a deeper level you know you still deserve to be happy and healthy. You will feel a bit lost for a while but keep yourself at the centre of everything you do and you will start to feel more like yourself soon xx
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Old 08-25-2014, 07:05 AM   #4
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What an a**hole, I'm very sorry. You'll get over him... and congratulations on the 4kgs. As for a diet plan do whatever works for you... Theres lots of info on 3FC. I started with baby steps!
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Old 08-25-2014, 09:26 AM   #5
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Welcome! First of all, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your relationship. Even though it sounds like he did some awful things, it's still a huge loss, even if it's just a loss of what you thought the relationship was.

I agree with the others. If you are looking for a specific plan, there are lots of threads devoted to specific diet plans. But the other thing I might suggest is to just stick with your calorie counting. Check out the daily weighing threads. You'll find a lot of people have patterns like the one you're experiencing - big loss, maintain, big loss, etc. Just how some of us lose...

Good luck!
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Old 08-25-2014, 07:40 PM   #6
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What a jerk. My advice is to focus on your diet and lifestyle change. Unlike him, these are not going to f@ck you around. Learn to enjoy them and make them the center of your attention.

As for your diet, find what works for you. Focus on those foods you enjoy eating as part of your 1200 calorie limit and experiment a little. Find what foods work well for you and those that do not.

You need to make your diet and exercise fun. That way, you will maximize your weightloss and - crucially - make it sustainable.

Myself, I eat a lot of fish. I love the stuff and I look forward to lunch each day.

I also run and enjoy that as a stress reliever. I weight train too and that feels great.

None of this is a sacrifice. It may seem that way at first but once you find the keys to your diet/exercise locks then you are away.

You don't need to break your relationship with food. You need to break your relationship with the old foods you used to eat. You now need to find a new relationship with new and healthier foods, just like you do with a new (and healthier) man!
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Old 08-26-2014, 12:55 AM   #7
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Hi and welcome!

You are at the beginning of a wonderful journey. And when you have lost lost half of your weight you will show them all!
I think maybe 1200 calories is a little low for you and your body tries to hold all it can. But believe me if you dont give up, weight will start dropping again. Its all about the math. Calories in- calories out
Even if you dont lose any weight second week its still 4 kg in two weeks and its a great resault! Congrats on that!

By the way our weight and hight is so similar- I started 2 weeks ago at 116 kg and Im 167 cm. Today its 111 kg.

Good luck to you!
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Old 08-26-2014, 12:38 PM   #8
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Hi niivita. Every time I see this thread, I cringe for you. That other girl is a fool. He's an awful person. You don't deserve this.

An hour at the gym every day is very impressive. 1200 calories seems low for that to me, more for someone who doesn't exercise. I don't know much about fixed food plans, but I've had the most success when calorie counting. It's a lot of work sometimes.

I'm glad you're doing this for yourself.
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Old 08-26-2014, 04:59 PM   #9
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Welcome!

Sorry about your relationship. From what you've said, it sounds like ending it was the healthiest option for you, though I'm sure that doesn't make it feel any better.

As for weight loss, stalls are normal. Let me repeat that, stalls in weight loss are NORMAL. It does not mean your diet stopped working. The day-to-day weight is just water. It's the longterm downward trend you're looking for.

I tend to calorie count. I also try to stick to whole foods, but I'll also eat pizza and ice cream sometimes as long as I count them. Also, calorie counting is free, which fits my budget.

You might have to try out a few things to lose weight. Some people love low carb, or reduced portions, or calorie counting, etc. Maybe research a couple that seem interesting to you.
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Old 08-27-2014, 02:16 PM   #10
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1200 calories is doable but it would be too low for me and it would increase the chance of binge eating or just plain overeating. Is it possible this is happening to you? If you exercise, you might consider eating a bit more calories so you don't feel so deprived. Slow and steady is what works for me. I don't count calories, i just eat healthy and try to be reasonable and maybe eat a little less then i would if i were not losing weight. It works, but it's not something that works for everybody. Pick whathever method seems right for you and check out specific diet threads.
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Old 08-27-2014, 02:52 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by niivita View Post
Hi all..long time lurker..first time poster here...
I will try and keep the back story short..

I ended a rship of 3yrs
3months later I found out he was cheating on me with another girl
confronted the girl on how she could have claimed ignorance when his social media profile pics were of him and me....
turns out he told her I was his mother.
Ok not biological mother...step mother.

Ouch

so yes I am in extreme pain, and my self esteem right now is non existent.

So far I have managed to stop myself from eating myself numb, but its hard, feels like I've ended 2 rships.. him n food. After one week of keeping to 1200 calories daily, I lost around 4 kgs..and now after another week I've found that I've stalled.

Any advice on how I should move forward? How and where did you start? Did you follow a plan..i feel like I would do better on a fixed diet plan, but the problem is that I don't know what..any recommendations?

I've joined a gym, I've been making it a point to go for at least an hour each day..

please help me..feel so lost and clueless.
Congrats on beginning a new relationship with a Gym. I love going to the gym. It helps me vent via sweating all my miseries of the day. Then I go home after and drink a nutritious smoothy made from fresh veggies and frozen fruits and ice cubes and some NF yogurt and art sweetner. Then I destress with tv or this web site for a 1/2 hr before i go to sleep. Then i just forget all the bad things and focus on having a good nights sleep. I had to overcome bad memories too from a long term affair. But getting enough sleep, and nutritiion,and vitamins, and 3 full yrs of psychotherapy as a result of dealing with past hang ups has helped me. But my weight was just something that was under control most when I had the time of day, going to the pool for lap swim, and time at night for the gym, and enough time to sleep and take time to re-nourish, and for me to do therapy 2 x a month helped wonderfully. Good luck to you in recovering from your x affair too.
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