Hello everyone! I just wanted to pop in and say how happy I am to see how well everyone is doing! Mandy... I can't wait until you're in the 200s! Uber... I am so excited about you getting under 260 (sigh... at some indeterminate point in the not-so-distant future because I know it feels like forever).
Newbie: Regained, feeling discouraged...young and confused!!!
Hey all, I am sort of new to this. Or rather, I have been contemplating posting for a while. Sorry in advance for the length of my ramble!!!
I am struggling, my mind is really all over the place, and I've been reading all of these statistics recently (after regaining a ton of weight) and the long term implications of the difficulty of keeping weight off, and it frightens me. A lot. I have looked into surgery, but my doctor has strongly advised me against it, as I am too young and she worries about me having to deal with long term complications for the rest of my life. As of now, surgery isn't for me...but I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel so I don't give up trying on my own.
I started this journey at 327 at the age of 22. I worked my butt off for a year, lost weight and halted at 260. I was going to the gym, eating the best I ever had and felt great, and excited, and beautiful...all of these positive things, and encouragement from others, but I just couldn't keep it up, I don't know what happened. I have gained back 30+ pounds in the last 4 months. It is upsetting, (that last 20 pound gain happened in less than a MONTH) after I had plateaued at 260 for 6 months and don't know why the sudden leap, my eating habits have been consistently mediocre....I need to find a balance that works long term. I have started buckling down (at least for eating), and haven't seen results after a few weeks. I'm bummed out to say the least.
I feel guilty, ashamed, and feel like I will never hit my goal. I just need some encouragement! I want to *start* the rest of my life and put this war behind me. I feel like I am wasting time, which I know is kind of silly...ugh. My body is a mess and I am already dreaming of plastic surgery just to look like a normal 20-someting. Any advice? Any Chicagoans part of a support group they like, or a gym? Any folks with tips for long term success, as in setting up a reasonable 'balance'? I know I simply can't deal with eating rabbit food for the rest of my life, or going to the gym 6 times a week...I am trying to find a regime that I can actually hold onto. I am prepared to work hard but at the moment I am a part-time student and working 2 jobs.
Thanks for tuning in, I look forward to being a part of this forum.
I just want to say that if you are looking for a place where people understand exactly what you mean, you have come to the right place! I totally relate to the idea of "I don't know what happened, I just got sick of it..." That same thing happened to me. I lost 110 lbs, and took up running, and it was all awesome and then one day, and I still remember that day crystal clear, I thought, I'm tired, why do I have to run..." I was sick of it, and I stopped. I also followed a plan-- weight loss and then maintenance for almost 3 straight years, then I just got sick of it and stopped.
I am definitely trying to find some kind of balance here. And I totally understand being marooned in the 260s. That is where I live!
Stick around. There are a lot of good ideas here.
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.--Winston Churchill
Welcome! Uber is right: this is a place where people understand what you are experiencing. I lost a little more than 50 pounds 4 years ago and was within shooting distance of my goal.... I had never had that sort of weight loss success before. Four years later, I am here after having gained the 50 pounds back plus and extra 20. It is hard to come to terms with that.
You have taken an important step, I think, in coming here for support. I am glad you are here.
LisaMarie: the whole BF makes you lose weight is in fact a myth-- body strategically holds onto fat while you're nursing! That being said, it does rev up your metabolism, so you can eat more and hopefully lose a bit, but there have been a bunch of studies showing that you will stubbornly hold onto the last few pounds while nursing-- fortunately, it will usually let go of the first few pounds!
Jessica: you are doing so awesome!
I think I'm caught up with the rest of you guys! Such a nice sized group now!
So chickies, I think I'm in the middle of my first real "test" since going back on plan.
1. I'm obviously at little mini-plateau. Stuck here at 261.2.
2. I'm having some horrible stress in my life. My dad is refusing his caregiver and I had to let her go. He fell a couple of weeks ago and was totally immobilized, but now he's able to walk around again, so he thinks he's "fine". So last night he had a huge temper fit and started screaming. I had already made dinner, but I thought it would be better to get out of the house for a little while, so I wrapped up my very nice dinner of swordfish and tomato feta salad and we went out to dinner. We went to a burger place that my little one loves-- it's the place where there is really nothing healthy on the menu. I picked the turkey burger because I knew it had 950 calories and I didn't know how much anything else had. Skipped the fries , scraped the mayo off the bun, and cut it in half, but ended up eating the whole thing.
Here's the thing. I could feel my stomach churning from stress and it was a EAT MORE TO RELIEVE STRESS situation. And even though I didn't actually go off plan, I was trying to find a happy medium-- because I could have gotten something like a chicken caesar, dressing on the side, no avocado, no croutons... and it wouldn't have had 950 calories. Or I could have left part on the plate. And of course I was frustrated because the dinner I left behind at home was healthier and certainly more delicious and had fewer calories (we'll eat it today.)
That being said, my total for the day was 1400 (I try to stay under 1300, so it wasn't a big disaster...)
Of course, this morning, I'm still sitting at 261.2. I KNOW myself and stalling out on the scale and seriously upping my stress is the exact toxic combo that often brings me down.
So, I'm trying to strike a good balance here-- managing stress, watching my calories but not being completely crazy, and knowing that the scale HAS to move. I can't weigh 261.1 forever.
Thanks for listening. I REALLY appreciate the support here and I feel like knowing you guys are out there helps me stay strong.
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.--Winston Churchill
I want y'all to know I read all of your posts yesterday, and this morning. I didn't post yesterday, and probably won't post much today or the coming days because for some reason I'm just in a really negative/pessimistic mood. That's not normal for me, and the fact that I know it's happening and I can't seem to snap out of it is bothering me and making it worse. And making it extra confusing is there isn't really an event that triggered it. It's like I was rolling along my normal happy, slightly optimistic side of reality self and then a switch was flipped and I'm pretty much apathetic about everything, and nothing matters.
It's making it difficult to stay on plan (but I have! so small victory, even if yesterday was a little carb/sodium heavy compared to normal), and I know it's still sitting here fogging my brain, because today is a pretty big deal in my progress. 75 days since recommitting, 31 pounds gone, so I finally got under 300, and hit 299.6 today... And my general reaction was "Who cares? I'm still fat."
Yesterday I was able to wear a pair of shorts I bought on sale before my re-start thinking they'd be good for summer, since they are generic black cargo shorts. They didn't fit. Super tight in the hips and lower tummy, and I couldn't button them very easily. Yesterday I wore them comfortably, so I KNOW something is moving.
I don't know if this mood is food boredom/weight loss burn out/whatever related, or if I'm just having some weird lack-of-sleep moodiness... but it sucks.
I'm going to refrain from commenting on individual situations until this mood passes so I don't accidentally say something that could have a negative impact. But know that I'm keeping up with your progresses and struggles and hoping for the best for you guys.
Hoping I can get out of this funk soon. :-\
"...We all have faith, and we all have hope, but we're all a little lost in the same damn boat..."
*** WEIGHT LOSS TEMPORARILY ON HOLD DUE TO PREGNANCY!!! ***
Phew I made it here .... consistantly.... 2 days in a row! I remember Robin too... from way back (those days I had a different name... I have no idea what it was)
Ajonas welcome to our little world. I always think it's better to not read statistics (or in my case things like webMD cause I just freak myself out). A statistic is just that, a number and you my friend are a human being. Just take it little by little by little, one step at a time. I think there are many things to find on this journey...why we eat, why we do or don't give up etc. I honestly believe we need to find healthy activities and foods we enjoy and understand the root of our habits to truly lose and maintain. I don't claim to be an expert by any means....last I checked I'm still working on myself.
I'll share some back story with you - actually none of this I've shared with the group yet....but it's my back history with weight. When I was in early high school I convinced my parents that I needed to go to fat camp and they sent me. I spent a summer there, lost maybe 40lbs in under 8 weeks, learned absolutely nothing, came home, gained it all back and kept gaining. I hovered around 180 through highschool...high for my height and bigger than the other girls but not extremely obese...but that was not how I saw myself. I saw myself as obese but didn't know how to eat, where to start, didn't see a problem with blowing off things like gym (this was before the internet had really taken hold) so I kept going as I had been. I put on about 40lbs in my first 3 years of college ballooning me up to 220 by the time I was 21 between drinking, not eating healthy, not sleeping, being an overachieving partier, not exercising and going through several bad relationships. Then I took a study abroad trip...not a normal one....this trip required me to travel on foot. I walked 1600 miles through 7 countries over the course of 4 months (with a group). It was the most mentally and physically taxing experience of my life and was a turning point where something actually taught me a lesson. I went into it out of shape with no real advance training and through months of quite literally blood, sweat and tears by the end of the 4th month I could run over 2 alpine passes a day. There was no calorie counting...we ate what we could when we could and that was that....which was fine because we were probably burning 10k calories a day. I didn't realize how fit I was until I came home...4 months with no new clothes or fitting clothes or mirrors makes a big difference. I had been through a slew of emotions on that trip but learned more about myself and 'why I am the way I am' than I ever had before but still...it wasn't enough. When I got home...my senior prom dress was baggy on me. I was back down around 180 and ripped and feeling great... but again the weight loss was an added bonus not the goal and despite what shape I was in and how happy I was I came home and immediately fell back into old ways. I graduated college, got a waitressing job (where we ate lots of bad food and went out drinking after work almost every night), then piled on the stress of grad school, then got a real job and before i knew it I was 28, through school, 4 years deep with my job, seeing 30 hovering in the distance and tipping the scales at 265... what had I learned...nothing. It was then that I committed, in step my first time with 3FC. I started reading about food, calories, counting, exercising etc. I got myself down to 201lbs and was feeling awesome yet terrified of Onederland in the future...so what did I do? Did I learn from this? No. I went out and got myself into a bad relationship, stayed in it for 2 years, gained back every single pound until I finally ended the relationship...damage done. There I was, 30, single, fat.... AGAIN, miserable, drinking heavily and for a while, well, I just stopped caring. Now I'm back...recommitting again only this time with new perspective and a slower metabolism. I'm a little older and wiser and looking back I can see why I was never successful. I can see that while i was counting calories and losing pounds I was never learning about how to manage stress, stay out of bad relationships, giving in to my tendency to drink and eat to cope, dealing poorly with taking care of sick parents, eating to deal with my financial situation (at the time I had nearly 70k in student loans and credit cards that I had been using to put myself through school and a car that was about to burst into flames at any minute) and honestly what made me feel better....a great big BOX of pasta..not a bowl, a box.
This time about I'm at the point where I have moments of 'if I only knew then what I knew now' and then I stop and forgive myself and realize if I had to go back and do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing. I know that I had to walk this road the hard way to get where I am now, to truly understand myself so I can get to healthy the right way. The past is the past, 34 is my year and I am a work in progress. There will be good days and bad days, milestones and setbacks but I will never give up. For you coming here is a milestone and starting so early to consciously change your life is amazing. You will find a good support system here, lots of great advise and comradery with people who truly understand how you feel and where you are coming from. Stick with it, don't be afraid of the future...figure out why you are afraid of the future and work on it along with finding the right eating and exercise plan that can truly be a long term lifestyle change.
Uber: Sounds like you got a lot going on and have a lot of stress right now. Taking care of family is one of the hardest things to do in life. Stay the course, take many deep breaths and do the best you can. Just being conscious though times like these is important.
Fera: Sometimes you just gotta be in a funk... it's going to happen on this road. I've had several. This to shall pass and I'm sending you all my good ju ju for it to pass for you quickly. You are doing amazing.
Ok - for me today I'm on plan. I was up .8lbs this morning which is NOT the right direction so I sucked it up and got myself to the gym. My food has been spot on today. I'm at 66% of my steps for the day already and I'm feeling good. My office is weighing on me a little.... think attic cave with no windows in the summer.... I feel I am wilting without sunlight. I'm going to try to get outside for a few minutes before my 2:30pm meeting. On the homestead front, I finally connected with the farmer and got the beef ordered and that is about it because it's been too bloody hot to do anything else. It's been too hot to cook (no ac outside the bedroom that does any good) so I am NOT putting on the oven which has left me eating cereal for dinner. I need to get out of that loop and also I realized I need to update my ticker! That's it for now - I hope everyone has an awesome afternoon!!!
Wow, how do I catch up with all the great posts!? So fun!
Mandy: I'm sorry... It really sux to be in a mood like that! But, I'm glad you are staying on plan. Hopefully, given some time, you'll be able to work through it and come back out on the other end, back to your positive self! Congrats on the under 300! That's a great accomplishment!
Uber: Wow. That's some heavy duty stress you are dealing with right now. It is difficult to deal with health issues with a parent. Don't beat yourself up on being stalled for a while. You'll break through before too long! As for working out in a class, I think it is great to have someone help push you along. I am not good a pushing myself, but I do much better with someone telling me the program and then I just concentrate on getting better each time. This time around I decided I just didn't care what anyone thought about how I looked at the gym. I knew I needed to help myself and that's all I concentrated on.
Ajonas: Welcome! You've found a great place to land. Lots of support here. You can do it!! Just one day at a time!
LisaMarie: Yep, I've been here a while. I'm a slow learner. Ha! I think I remember your name too! We'll get this figured out yet!!
Garnet: Congrats on the new low number! Woo hoo!
SunnyMac: Nice blueberries! I can just imagine how good they taste!
As for me, it's a really good day! I am .2 pounds away from being 50 pounds down! So, I'm claiming it for today. It may not be that on Monday, and I'll change it to whatever it is at that time, but for today.... almost 50! I haven't been this low in at least 10 years. Very happy.
Now, I'm on my way to visit my parents for the weekend. That could be dangerous for my weight loss efforts, but I'm planning on having a nice, relaxing weekend! I'm ok with a couple of workouts missed and having someone else do the cooking! Anyway, I may not be posting until Sunday or Monday, so hope everyone has a good weekend!
This time, I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in. - Rudimental
Sunny--thanks for sharing your story. I think your perspective is similar to mine. I have to figure out how to manage the things that derail me (mainly stress) in order to stop the lose/gain cycle. I also agree that it is important to forgive yourself. Personally, I would not be able to move forward with my commitment to lose weight if I couldn't finally forgive myself. I am also a strong believer in the notion that everything you have done before has benefitted you and taught you something. I am trying to incorporate all that I have learned from my previous successes and failures so that the experienes can still be of value to my present situation.
Uber--sorry that you have hit a plateau and that it is adding to the stress in your life. Plateaus really challenge your mental grit. I know you will outlast this one and move past the 260s. Your approach of balance is exactly right (and can you remind me of the same when I experience plateaus, please?).
Fera--sorry that you are in a bad mood. I hope that the black clouds clear away soon. Congrats on getting under 300, though; that is a big milestone! And, also it is great that the shorts fit! I love it when that happens.
Diane: I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! Fifty pounds of releasing is just a huge achievement. Have fun with your parents. They will be so impressed!
Sunny: Thanks for sharing your post! I'm really glad that at age 34 you are getting your act together. I would have saved myself a lot of pain, heartache, and frustration if I had learned to cope with all that you mention when I was that age. And I completely agree with you: for many of us, learning how to eat right really isn't the problem. The problem is learning new coping behaviors. It is a very deep process. i'm a lot older than you and I haven't fully figured it out yet, although I'm better.
Mandy: HUGS. We all have days like that. Nothing worse than the dreaded "who cares..." See you back and perky soon!
Am feeling a bit better. I may be a little stuck, but I haven't done anything to derail my plans. Still on plan. I WILL NOT WEIGH 261.2 forever. It's against the law of thermodynamics.
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.--Winston Churchill
Lotus: Thanks! Awesome job with your own walking. I'm the same way with exercise. If I fall out of the habit of being active, that first step seems so hard, even though I know how much I love being active.
Lisa: I was pretty surprised, myself, that I was able to get into a full side plank form. Taking it slow and steady is definitely the way to go to insure success without putting undo pressure on your body.
Martini: We all hope you're doing well, too.
AJonas1: Welcome to our corner of 3FC. All of us here know just what you're going through. I know what it feels like to be ashamed about putting weight back on. I've done it two or three times now. I've never been below 200 lbs, but this time it will happen. It'll happen because I'm in a place mentally and emotionally that gives me the freedom and the strength to succeed in the long term. And if a emotional mess such as myself can do it, so can you.
Here is what I suggest as a means of easy back into things - be aware, this has worked for me, but YMMV. The first thing to do is be honest with yourself. Admit where your difficulties lie, once you do, you can start a plan of action to change them. I always suggest that anyone just starting out track their calories (including the nutrients) at least for a week or two. A lot of people are turned off by the idea, but it is one of the best ways to get an idea of what you're putting into your body and in what quantities. Once you know where you are now, then you can start adjusting your food to see what works best for you. Start small! Never tell yourself you have to make all the changes at once; it is overwhelming to do so. Set realistic and modest goals. When you exceed those goals, be proud, but don't expect drastic changes every week.
Try and add some form of exercise back in as soon as possible. Even a small walk can have incredible results. Be sure you're drinking enough water. A good rule of thumb is to drink half your weight in ounces a day. Make sure that you are addressing all aspects of your health, not just your weight and physical well-being. You'd be amazed at how much easier your journey can be when you are taking care to make sure that you are mentally and emotionally healthy, too. Probably the most important piece of advice I think I can give you is to embrace this not as a diet but as a lifestyle change. Diets come and go, usually with disastrous weight rebounds, but a lifestyle change - that can be forever. If you can't eat like a rabbit forever, than don't eat like a rabbit to lose weight. Find what works for you, what you can live with and go from there. I like my carbs, my starches, my chocolate, my full-fat cheeses. If I had to cut out the things I love, I would be setting myself up for failure. So I don't cut them out. I don't have cheat days because cheating would imply that I'm doing something wrong. ... Oh, and invest in a tape measure. When the scale isn't moving, you may find that you can take some comfort in seeing the tape measure shrink.
The point is, you can do this. We'll help you.
Uber: I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your dad. And I'm sorry you had to skip on the delicious dinner last night and about all the stress you're going through in general right now. I wish there was something I could do to help but I think the best thing I can do is give you a great big virtual hug. I don't know exactly what your relationship with the scale is like but, if you can manage it, maybe try avoiding it for a day or two. Just focus on sticking to your plan and managing your stress? Maybe without the added stress of checking the scale every day it'll finally break for you.
Mandy: Oh, Mandy, I'm so sorry about the funk. I know how those moods can seep into your brain, latch on and just not want to let go. They're the worst and they can do so much damage. You remember when we all yelled "Shut up, Uber!"? I feel like doing that to your funk right now. Who cares that you broke the 300 lb mark? I CARE! You're incredible! You're doing such an amazing and inspiring job! No matter what the nasty little voice in your head is saying, no matter how much farther you have to go, know that you have come this far already and I am so proud of your success for you.
Sunny: Oh, Sunny. Isn't it amazing how much damage a single bad relationship can do? That being said, I feel the same way about the road that's brought me to where I am today. As hard has it has been at times, as uncertain as the future is for me right now, I wouldn't change a think because the trials and tribulations that I've gone through have made me the person that I am today. The scale may be irksome when it jumps up, but I'm sure it'll drop back down here soon enough. Hang in there and yay for getting the beef you were looking for!
Diane: Yay to go, Diane! Congrats, embrace it, enjoy it and have a great weekend.
Which brings me to me -
(Deep breath.) So, I have officially pissed the girl at work off. She's gone so far as to childishly block me and has turned how much we can get done at work into some sort of competition in her head to prove she can do more than me. Whatever. I will be bringing my A-game today; I was moving really slow yesterday. Somehow I managed to bruise the arch on my right foot. So I was working with blisters and a bruised arch. When I saw the bruise after I got home, the pain suddenly made so much more sense. XD
Additionally, a guy at work has been kind of flirting. He actually was going to ask me to some fireworks at the lake on Sunday but I had to work. Not to mention a question about my opinions on meeting someone who things of me as perfect, but that's a whole other can of worms. (For the record, I never want to meet someone who thinks of me as perfect. I am not perfect. I have a great many flaws, I am acutely aware of those flaws and, most days, I am okay with them because they are a part of me. It's like when people tell me I'm not fat. Don't lie to me. I know I am fat. I am obese which is fat. I may still be beautiful inside and sometimes that inner beauty reflects outside, you may see me for me rather than for my weight, but that doesn't negate the truth. Or telling me I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I'm not. I never will be. That's not my self-consciousness, that's me being realistic. I don't have to be the most beautiful woman in the world and if you believe me to be beautiful at all, I hope that it is for my inner beauty.) Anyway, last night, he asked if he could "stalk [me] on facebook". I said sure and then, after a little while, I realized that I wasn't sure this guy was aware I was in the middle of a divorce. Here's the thing, I am all for being friends but I have no interest in being in a relationship with this guy. I have no desire to even consider a relationship with anyone until my divorce is all said and done and, even then, it will be a while.
(I have come to realize and accept that I am hung up on a guy - we'll call him Missouri - I knew before I got married. I thought about him a lot in the last six years but didn't talk to him. It wouldn't have been right to even be friends with a guy who meant more to me than my husband at the time. As long as I am still comparing other guys to Missouri, I'm not emotionally in a place where I can be in a relationship with them.)
Anyway, for the sake of full disclosure, because I never want anyone to get the wrong impression about me and because I didn't want this guy to completely freak out and think I was a harlot in anyway, I decided to be sure he knew. And he did what most men do... He goes, if you thought in anyway, blah blah blah. Oh shut up. We both know you're interested. There's nothing wrong with that. Whatever. But why is it that a serious relationship in anyway enters the conversation and men tend to panic? It was nice to have a fellow nerd friend for a while, but I have a feeling this guys going to avoid me now. Which is stupid.
I guess the point of that is that I hate when people misunderstand where I am coming from and assume that I am some sort of crazy or clingy or I don't even know type person. The fact is, I am not. I am, usually, quite content with being alone. I am an introvert and I have trust issues. I am generally an optimist with a romantic point-of-view who likes to believe the best in people and embraces her childlike innocence. Ironically, I am also so acutely aware of the cruelty of our society that I keep everyone at least an arms length from me. I have spent a lot of type learning to build of barriers strong enough to keep myself from getting hurt and that is why I can be okay with being alone most days. It probably doesn't help my when my depression flairs up, but, eh, as an empathic person who tends to feel things too deeply anyway, what are you going to do? You got to learn to keep things at a distance or you risk letting everyone else's problems overwhelm you thereby compacting your own.