I was feeling so good Yesterday and today. Did my run, stayed in my calories, ate healthy. I passed 2 more exams (only one left!) and I was just on top of the world. I even lost a few pounds, down to 180.4 (YAY) lost everything I gained when I gave up for a few days.
Of course happy feelings have to be ruined.
My company was invited to "Meet the Firms" from my old University. I set up Meet the Firms when I was a student (biggest stress of my life), and so I was asked by company to attend. I have to wear a full on business suit. Currently, all of our clients are out of the country or in other states, we get to wear business casual (jeans ok) in the office. So I don't have to wear business suits and I only own 2 of them.
One suit I wore in January this year for a business lunch. It fit back then... the other I wore at an interview In December of 2013. Also fit.
Today, I try the December one on and find I can't even get the buttons together to even begin to make that work. I even ripped the seems in the them. I then try the skirt, BARELY get the button and zipper together and then realize my a$$ is so huge that the skirt looks ridiculous in the back because it can't get over my bum correctly.
I lost over 10bls of hard work and it seems barely anything. I can't even fit into clothes I wore months ago. I've been TERRIFIED of shopping because I just don't want to know what size I am. I have been studying all summer, so I've been wearing PJs, and work out clothes. The few days I've even gone into my office I've worn 2 skirts that still fit. I have to wear spanks with them so my thighs don't rub, and they are "Stretch" type which is the only reason they fit. I was avoiding shopping even though I *need* to shop because I'm just so ashamed, and scared.
I guess it's time to suck it up. I need pants, bras, and a suit for tomorrow. I'm fat, and while I was hoping to lose enough weight to squeeze into my old clothes before shopping was necessary, I guess it's time to give in that that isn't about to happen any time soon.
I am going to Target, because I'm hoping to find cheap clothes, I WILL NOT spend good money on clothes that I'm determined to have be too big for me in a few months. I still want to cry, but I keep telling myself that I no longer want to feel this way. I can lose the weight... it's just going to take some time. Maybe this time next year, I can toss these clothes in the donation bin with pride.
kurisitaru, i had the same issue just recently when one of my dearest friends got married. I had no clothes to attend the wedding, not even fancy shoes that fitted my feet (is "fitted" correct?). I thought of not going, i cried, i felt ashamed, etc. Eventually i went shopping for dresses, shoes, etc. It was bad, but not as bad as i'd anticipated. I went shopping with the solo mission of finding a dress, any dress that would fit. I found 3 or 4, but only liked one, so i bought it. I was very self conscious at the wedding reception but realised there was no one staring at me. Turns out the other guests were not observing me, they were just having fun, chatting, eating and so on. The dress looks good on me now but it was a bit tight when i bought it. I've seen pictures of me and i look FAT but i also look happy. Just like you, i didn't want to spend a lot of money on a dress that was destined to be used only once or twice, but the one i found wasn't cheap and i bought it anyway because it made me feel good.
I wish you luck on your shopping mission! Oh, and congrats on the weight loss and helthy habits!
Last edited by Marina Brasil; 09-09-2014 at 05:07 PM.
kurisitaru Honey, as women, I think we all have been there . I know you just want to scream at the top of your lungs, and even if I tell you that ten lbs is amazing to lose, you probably will still dwell on your body, but you have to know that these frustrations will fade. Just keep on inspiring yourself to move forward and you will . Then you can look back and be proud that you never gave up and that you did this for you, trust me, I am experiencing that now.
Marina Brasil Just fit . I envy you for knowing more than one language, I always keep saying that I am going to take the time and just do it. It is on my bucket list .
Anywho, I love, love, your story and what you said, "i bought it anyway because it made me feel good". I think we are so hard on ourselves sometimes that we forget to be sensitive to our own feelings daily, which I believe can lead to a melt down later down the road. We would never treat our loved ones the way we do ourselves often times. Would you really say to your daughter, "Geez you are fat, doesn't make any sense to buy you anything until you lose the weight, after all it is your fault you got fat!" or "Dear, put the cookie back, I think it is time that you realize that you can never have cookies again until you lose all of that weight." It sounds harsh! But essentially I have said all those things at one point or another whilst losing weight!
So, the fact that you took that "bad situation" and you tended to your well-being by at least buying something that you felt good in, is amazing. Imagine if you just purchased something you didn't like! Now you would have two negatives going on. You would be upset about your weight and your dress, just adding more miserable to your miserable, so you can have more miserable to dwell on later!
Ugh! Sorry for rambling....but your story just feeds right into my current uber self loving philosophy . I mean, I am already a bit of a narcissist , so the philosophy was probably already mostly in practice, but let's just say it has been renewed and refined .
kurisitaru ...you have to know that these frustrations will fade. Just keep on inspiring yourself to move forward and you will . Then you can look back and be proud that you never gave up and that you did this for you...
This is really the most perfect advice, and probably the biggest change in my own mentality that I have had to make along this process...forget my relationship with food and avoiding binges; it all comes down to how you cope and how you move forward. If we don't figure out to keep ourselves moving forward, we can't ever reach even the smallest of our goals. Kurisitaru, I commend you for coming here when you feel down. Your strength and determination really shows when you are willing to admit to your faults and just be honest with yourself, and everyone else. Hang in there girly. Oh, and by the way, I would bet anything that you look better in that skirt than you think!!
MarliQQ Please correct my english whenever i make a mistake... i learn so much from being here, writing everyday... my english is rusty and in need of some help! Sometimes i wonder how it is for native english speakers to read what i write.... lol.... it's probably like listening to english speakers try and talk portuguese (my native language).
The dress is still with me and i have plans to keep using it after i lose all the extra weight. I'll take it to a seamstress, of course. It was quite significant to me "allowing" myself to buy this dress and I'm a true believer in loving my body or, at least, trying to.
Last edited by Marina Brasil; 09-09-2014 at 10:37 PM.
kurisitaru I hope you were able to find something to wear today! I know it is so hard on the self-esteem to have to admit it is time to buy bigger clothes. But hopefully it's the LAST time you need to do so. Don't let this get you down, because you'll just fall deeper into the cycle. You have been working hard at this and eventually it will show.
I had a similar thing happen a couple years ago when I was interviewing for jobs. The skirt fit, but the suit jacket didn't. Thankfully I was able to go back to the same store and grab the same suit jacket in a size up (and it was cheap - JC Penney's has suit separates for like $20 a piece!) but talk about demoralizing! And right before a job interview, too, when I was supposed to be feeling confident about myself. I just sold that Size 18 suit jacket on eBay a few weeks ago
I feel like I should be posting here more often. My weight is steadily staying in the 180s these days! Just wish my lowest weight would go down...but it hasn't moved too much lately.
I'm a bit embarassed because i've been posting a lot.... but i just need to vent... i've just had a binging episode and i'm so angry and upset! Yesterday i was 100% on plan and actually lost weight. Today it was a good day at work, DP is feeling no pain (which is rare) and we have the greatest weather in months... and i just ate:
255 calories - A not-so-good ice cream filled with bad chocolate
262 calories - Chocolate covered peanuts
+- 200 calories - Not-so-good cheese chips
717 calories. Actually, now that i just did the math, i'm calmer, because i thought it was 5 times the actual amount of calories. I'm feeling sick and the food started to taste bad so i realised i was eating without being hungry or even feeling pleasure. The ice cream gave me pleasure all right, but the peanuts and chips not so much. I started to hear this little voice telling me i wasn't hungry but kept eating for a while. At some point i stopped and now I'm taking the rest of the cheese chips and chocolate covered peanuts and i'm going to put them inside a paper bag and take them to the office tomorrow. If i leave it here, i'll eat it. Why is it that i lose control when i least expect?
Last edited by Marina Brasil; 09-10-2014 at 05:34 PM.
I have not really posted so much about my progress, and it is not because there hasn't been any. I just am going through this period where I am kind of bored with weight loss. So I am only doing what makes me happy, and nothing that I have to drag myself to do. I feel like I am on the last leg of this race and I am running a bit on fumes, but I still want to win so I refuse to stop...
On top of that, I haven't been feeling well lately. My throat is killing me, and all I want to do is lay down, but I can't bring myself to do that for some reason...even though I could barely get out of bed this morning.
Marina Brasil Hun, they always happen when we least expect it, otherwise we would be able to prepare for it . It doesn't work that way, nothing worth doing, it seems, works like that .
Hey, don't sweat it! I used to sweat my daily overages until I began to look at my calories in weekly terms. So let's say I sat down and ate like 400cals worth of Cheez-its (they are crackers, not sure if they have these in Brazil ) over my daily allotment. I then keep that balance and spread it over the course of the week, deciding each day, how much of it I am willing to make up for that day. Oh and don't think that I have never continued to add to the balance over the course of the week, because it happens. I just try really hard to clear up the balance each week so I can start fresh.
Thank you everyone. I did find some clothes from target, spent about $90, but hopefully I'll be done. The jacket can't be brought in for later, so I'm willing to sell once I drop (And I will DROP one day) a few sizes, so perhaps I'll sell on e-bay. Probably will only wear it this one time. The skirt is basic, so I think I can bring the sides in with ease and just have a new black skirt which goes with a lot of things and doesn't even need to be formal / business.
I'm a size 18, can squeeze into 16s... that's so embarrassing. I remember crying when my size 10s no longer fit and I had to buy size 12. I keep telling myself I'll almost be at goal in just one year. I just have to stick with it, Really, a year isn't that long, right? I'll only be 10lbs overweight (which is NOTHING) and that this could be my last meet the firms in a suit as the fatty. This is my last Halloween as a fatty. My last New Years, My last family gathering, my last birthday, Valentines day, spring! I all ready completed my last summer obese, Now I have just one one more as 20-25 lbs overweight.
Marina Brasil Never feel bad for posting a lot. NEVER. It's why we are here. We've all binged, we've all stuffed ourselves wondering why we did it and realizing AS WE ARE DOING IT that it's not worth it. I try to go on walks when it happens, but it doesn't always work. I also feel like an alcoholic, once I have "just a taste" I go crazy. It's so hard, but I'm trying to not give in to a taste these days. I just stick to my preplanned meals. Sucks sometimes, but... It's better than losing control.
MarliQQ Just don't quit or reverse! I know what it's like to no longer be able to focus on weight loss, but don't lose the main focus! You can do it, you've come so far. Also, feel better!
^kurisitaru, you're so right on that after just a taste it's like you can't control yourself anymore, that's how I am too. And, girl, you have got some determination. I know that you have your own personal struggles, whatever they may be, but you are sticking with this thing relentlessly and always coming back to us and it is so inspiring to watch you never giving up.
Marina - I so wish I could give you a hug, because I was right there just last week, for days. Sometimes I think we are just harder on ourselves than the average person -- plenty of people who aren't trying to lose weight 'binge' from time to time, meaning they sit on the couch with a bag of potato chips or tub of ice cream and just eat. But they just call it, I don't know..comfort eating or something. We are so much harder on ourselves because we are watching ever move we make so closely. When you think about it, we work so hard for weeks on end being 'good!' I'm not necessarily saying that I condone binge fests, but I understand why our bodies ask for them. I think it is just for the break. Anyway, if you feel another binge coming on pop in here and let us know -- facing it, putting it down in words before you give it a chance to take over, might just be enough to stop it happening. OH and P.S. don't ever apologize for posting too much! Have you seen how often I post??
Marli - Glad to hear about the progress! Maybe now is a good time for a small break. I mean, you don't have to give up completely, but just take it easy for a a week or two. As I was saying to Marina, we work ourselves so hard! Hope you feel better soon.
So it was either the new batteries, or just finally a break in my plateau, but I'm just about out of the 170's now. Teetering just inside 170. Can't believe I'll be seeing 16--something on my scale at all!! I'm not sure if I ever have. Also, I think I'm finally learning my pattern, (not that I won't still be frustrated every time I hit this plateau). It seems that I whoosh through the lower end of a decade/upper end of the next decade, then sit plateau sit, small whoosh through the middle, sit plateau sit, whoosh back out of the next decade. I think...seems to be holding true anyway. Are you guys ready to transition into the cool weather or what?
178.2 today, haven't been around to post much. College kids have control of the internet and when I have a free moment, someone has a paper to edit. I went way up last week, 185! but I think for the most part it was water and a change in my workout. Lots of resistance stuff always makes me gain for a couple of days.
NSV - one of my sons had to write a profile paper on someone and he wrote about my weight loss.
Awwww. Inspiration for the paper. That's really sweet.
Also, thanks Xriotgirl. I feel more determined now that I have no excuses. It use to be school, but it can't be that anymore because I graduated. And... it's time to be thin for once.
Hey ladies! I want to thank you so much for all the support... I've never had such a great group of people helping me and it makes all the diference in the world! In the last days I've been pretty much on plan. I don't actually have a plan per se, as i try to follow something close to intuitive eating and then choose to eat a bit less than i feel like (because i want to lose, not maintain) but i do have some general guidelines that serve as a reference to me. I don't count calories, but i will count when i binge in order to have a better idea of how much i ate. This has been working for me. I had to get a little more rutheless with myself to get back to losing, though. I was getting too flexible and eating bigger portions than i should and i guess that's why i was kinda stuck. I still get amazed at how little food i need to feel energetic and satisfied (i'm not starving myself, but i do find it's little food when i compare it with my daily binging past!). I get annoyed at the small amount of food sometimes, but most of the time i'm just impressed by the fact that my body is such a clever and eficient machine that can utilize every bit of energy i ingest in the form of food (not as in burn everything without effort, but as in use it all with such economy that i don't have to ingest more or binge eat to be alive). I feel so "nerdy" just by thinking like that.... I don't know if i've explained it clearly in english!
Today my weight is 177.4. It's been going down in the last four or five days. My losing pattern seems to be changing, though: I'll get to a new low then regain in one or two days almost all I've lost from my last low weight and then slowly lose till i get to a new low weight. Hope this is just a coincidence, and not an actual pattern! It makes me so so mad!
Last edited by Marina Brasil; 09-14-2014 at 10:23 AM.
When I was daily weighing, I'd see a drop, then steady gains almost to where I was, then a drop. It was the most annoying pattern ever. It's partly why I stepped away from the scale and am trying weekly now.
^Yep, same here. Sounds exactly like my pattern! haha Marina, I think we all have our own nerdy ways of loving the process.. lol hey, we work so hard, we have to enjoy it too. I'm so glad you've found your footing again.
. I know you just want to scream at the top of your lungs, and even if I tell you that ten lbs is amazing to lose, you probably will still dwell on your body, but you have to know that these frustrations will fade. Just keep on inspiring yourself to move forward and you will 
. Then you can look back and be proud that you never gave up and that you did this for you, trust me, I am experiencing that now. 
. I envy you for knowing more than one language, I always keep saying that I am going to take the time and just do it. It is on my bucket list 
. I mean, I am already a bit of a narcissist 
, so the philosophy was probably already mostly in practice, but let's just say it has been renewed and refined 
I did find some clothes from target, spent about $90, but hopefully I'll be done. The jacket can't be brought in for later, so I'm willing to sell once I drop (And I will DROP one day) a few sizes, so perhaps I'll sell on e-bay. Probably will only wear it this one time. The skirt is basic, so I think I can bring the sides in with ease and just have a new black skirt which goes with a lot of things and doesn't even need to be formal / business. 
