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Old 11-22-2013, 10:18 AM   #1
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Default Compliments on weight loss

If someone says my hair looks nice, or my clothes, or my house, whatever, I LOVE IT! I always have! I can take a compliment, and the spirit in which it was intended.

EXCEPT....

I find it VERY HARD to accept a lot of "way to go" comments about losing so much weight.

I feel like I'm being praised for finally stopping smashing my head against a wall LOL I mean, I MADE MYSELF FAT right??? I abused and ruined my body, and yes I turned it around and got it off again, but just back to "normal" where everyone else has BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME

I dunno, I wondered what others thought?? Do you feel...guilty maybe? embarrassed even? Not sure what the feeling is exactly, but it's associated with what I think is undeserved praise
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Old 11-22-2013, 10:36 AM   #2
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Are you kidding me? People who have never been fat are inundated with rewards from it, even if they are able to be thin through no effort of their own.

You have done something incredible. Something that so many (including, of course, me) are working so hard to get right. Own it! AND you are here still, inspiring and helping other people to do the same.

Would you think that an alcoholic celebrating a year of sobriety does not deserve the congratulations she receives? Or that someone who graduated college after having children should not receive accolades because she could have done it before she had children, and it would have been so much easier? These people have done something that is freaking hard. I respect the alcoholic who refrains, even if I have never had a problem with alcohol. And she deserves more respect for refraining than I do, simply because it's harder for her.

Losing weight is HARD. Maintaining weight loss is HARD. You seem to have found exactly the right formula for you, and it seems to feel easy to you now. But how many times did you have to try before you found it?

Congratulations, Trazey. Very sincerely. You have earned it.
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Old 11-22-2013, 10:51 AM   #3
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I like the compliments but sometimes am a little embarrassed.
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Old 11-22-2013, 11:15 AM   #4
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I agree with time2lose. I honestly love the compliments, but they do embarrass me. Though, my embarrassment is because I'm still large and I feel like people are complimenting me without me actually deserving it, since I still have so far to go.
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Old 11-22-2013, 11:20 AM   #5
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WOW! I can't believe that this was brought up as a topic!!

I work with recovering drug and alcohol addicts and JUST YESTERDAY a client was talking to me about how he doesn't want to be complimented on his sobriety because (his words) he was just living the life he SHOULD have been living this whole time. I told him that I understood what he meant because every time someone tells me that I am "amazing" or whatever I always say that I should have never been so fat in the first place.

And then we processed this and what is means for both of our recoveries!

Jen
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Old 11-22-2013, 12:50 PM   #6
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I can't pretend I'm not fat, that I didn't used to be a heck of a lot fatter, and I can't pretend people didn't notice. So I own it.

I give respect to any person who is fighting this war, including myself. I believe that we have a toxic food environment in the United States and it permeates everything. I don't blame people who get overweight anymore than I would blame someone who stepped on a landmine.

Maybe I will feel different when I get to my goal weight, but I doubt it. In a way I am glad I got so fat, because it taught me compassion, both for others and for myself. I hate knowing how big I was, how big I still am, and I hate knowing that the reminders will always be out there no matter how much weight I lose.

But I'm a better person for it.
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Old 11-22-2013, 02:01 PM   #7
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I hope noone takes offense to this but when I read how someone doesn't feel like they deserve a compliment for losing the weight bc they shouldnt have gotten this big anyway I feel very sad. This whole post actually. It screams of insecurity and measuring up to someone elses version of what the right size. You have to love yourself for who u are no matter the size and in loving yourself includes accepting compliments gracefully and being thankful for them not embarrassed. Thats just like complimenting someone for a job well done. If someone does this you say thank you. You dont say no I dont deserve that compliment bc I should always do the job well. That makes no sense. Accept the compliment and be proud of it! We all have our crosses to bear some are heavier than others. No pun intended but what I mean by this is some people have a weight issue or drug issue. Some people have emotional issues. But if u overcome these or work hard to get pass these and someone notices and compliments u on it. Just say thank you. And move on and if u dont get a coompliment toot ur own horn! Bc u deserve it!
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Last edited by skinnyki : 11-22-2013 at 02:04 PM.
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Old 11-22-2013, 04:04 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skinnyki View Post
I hope noone takes offense to this but when I read how someone doesn't feel like they deserve a compliment for losing the weight bc they shouldnt have gotten this big anyway I feel very sad. This whole post actually. It screams of insecurity and measuring up to someone elses version of what the right size. You have to love yourself for who u are no matter the size and in loving yourself includes accepting compliments gracefully and being thankful for them not embarrassed.
nope, I don't take offense, because you don't think you understand what I wrote lol

I can and do take compliments very well, if someone likes my outfit or my house or a pie I made, I eat it up -- the compliment, not the pie I'm not an insecure person at all. I never was, no matter what size.

It's the praise for losing weight that I was stupid enough to gain, not conforming to any rules of society lol


It's like "Oh my god, it's so good for you that you stopped smacking yourself in the face with a hammer tracey!"
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Now: 171 - nope, 165 now!
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Old 11-22-2013, 04:53 PM   #9
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I see what you mean! Its like "ok um I shoulda been normal weight in the first place." I struggle with not getting upset at myself, even though I know that we all have our vices (mine being food)

Since I do not talk about my deep dark food obsession history, I'm not quite sure what others think when they compliment me - are they like me? Thinking "well ya shouldn't have gotten yourself fat in the first place, but kudos to you for getting yourself out of there!"

or do they know...? "well kudos to her for most likely dealing with her eating disorder! she used to display the symptoms!"

or "well I've never been fat, not congratulating the fact she got got herself fat, but the journey that it takes from the starting point is a hard one nevertheless!" (methinks that its usually that option.)

Plus I suspect that since most people want to lose around 10/15 lbs and while they dont go overboard like I did - they do eat unhealthy foods frequently, seeing any weight loss or healthy habits and also seeing all those commercials advertising XZY method lose weight (which kinda makes it seem like ANY loss is very daunting), makes it seem like weight loss is a big accomplishment worthy of a huge compliment. Its kinda like a thread on a bodybuilding forum where the biggest guy there was posting, heck I wanted to compliment him, but I don't post there lol. I couldn't relate to getting to that size, but the bigger the starting point, the more hopeless goal seems, so to keep going on the journey with such a long way to go is so admirable to me. I remember wanting to lose 60 lbs SO badly, but it seemed so far off...it took a long time to bring myself to do it, so yah, I think thats why - its the undertaking of the journey, no matter how they feel about why you got in the "biggest size."
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Old 11-22-2013, 05:05 PM   #10
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I have a weird relationship with compliments on my weight loss. On one hand I am so appreciative of someone taking the time to remark on the results of my hard dieting work; I'm always on the look out for anything to help keep me motivated as I fight my obesity! On the other hand I sometimes "forget" I have lost this weight. It's disconcerting when I walk up to a coworker to discuss something work related, and the convo is immediately derailed by comments on my new appearance. I am basically the same person on the inside, and sometimes I just want to go around and just be me without the constant (albeit mostly wonderfully supportive) remarks on my weight loss.
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Old 11-23-2013, 05:20 PM   #11
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I don't want to discuss my weight loss with anyone, that includes dealing with compliments, but for a different reason. My weight, my eating habits, my exercise habits, those are private issues. I don't want to discuss with everyone who thinks it is their business. In a forum like this, when I choose, thats's one thing, but people at work or the grocery store, etc., wanting to discuss it...I try like heck to escape from them. (Much the way all my friends with twins and triplets don't want to discuss their fertility with strangers in the Target or well meaning old ladies at church.)
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