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Does it ever just seem hopeless?

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Old 10-03-2013, 12:51 AM   #1
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Default Does it ever just seem hopeless?

Sometimes while trying to eat healthier I get these surges of encouragement. However, this go around (which is probably my 6th serious attempt after trying and failing and then gaining it all back plus some) I just..don't get it. I just went through a bad break up, an unexpected break up. And I feel worse than ever. I caught my reflection in a window earlier and thought "Jesus Christ how the **** will THAT ever even look acceptable" not to other people but to ME. I just feel like I have so far to go that it won't happen or that I can't do it.

I know everyone has ups and downs when doing this but I have started and restarted and failed so many times, I want to give up. For the first time ever I'm embarrassed to leave my apartment. It's just an awful feeling.

Graduation coming up in May has put a lot of pressure on me. I hate the idea of attending the ceremony but my family is expecting me to, if I look the same then as I do now, I will not go, not even for them. The last thing I need is a photographic reminder that I made it all the way through high school fat...and then all the way through college...fat.

I'm so sick of being fat. I can honestly say this is the first time I have ever felt like it's just utterly hopeless and there's no use in trying.
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Old 10-03-2013, 01:14 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry you're having a rough time...break ups are never easy and it totally messes with confidence.

But you can't give up! You will get through this! It's ok to feel crappy and sulk for a while. You're sad...but, you can't stay down forever. You're young, beautiful, and you deserve to feel good about yourself.

I've felt the same way, and now, I'm heavier than I've EVER been. I've totally felt like giving up, that I'll never look good no matter how much weight I lose, and honestly, when I think about the fact that my goal weight is basically half my size, I cringe. But one step at a time. Just one step.

Maybe you need a little while to get back into a better mindset. Break ups take a toll. Take care of yourself, lean on family, friends, get sleep, drink water, buy flowers, order something fun online, whatever you need to do. It's ok to feel awful...

My ex and I moved to Seattle together, and after a year, he just up and left. And a few weeks later, I was laid off my job. I think I stayed in bed for 2 weeks. Finally, with a push from friends, I got outta bed and signed out of bed and joined Weight Watchers. I literally went brain dead, made up a meal plan, and just did it. And after a few weeks, I lost some weight and started to smile (real smile) from the inside. Granted, I have since gained the weight back, but I hope this lets you know that sometimes, out of the crappiest situations, we come out stronger and gain more self awareness.

I can imagine this is all hard to see right now. But you will be ok, sooner than you think.

much love to you hun
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Old 10-03-2013, 09:16 AM   #3
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I'm so sorry this is so painful for you, hon. Break ups, bad break ups especially, can do that to us.

I know it seems overwhelming, and I imagine many of us feel that way when we start with a lot to lose. The good news is that losing even a bit of weight will make you feel better. We don't need to reach goal to feel more at peace with our appearance/weight/body/size. Noticeable changes can take place in a matter of weeks/few months... Perhaps a mindset of aiming to lose 20lbs, as opposed to make it to goal, could be a place to start? Or something along those lines? And that's only if you do want to lose weight right now, of course.

Hugs, sweetie. It seems hopeless right now, but it will get better. And we're here for you in the meantime.
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Old 10-03-2013, 10:07 AM   #4
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First of all. You are a beautiful girl and if your person could not see that , it is their loss big time. I know it seems hopeless when you have a lot to lose and especially when you want it gone now! I truly understand that. Starting now show that you are worthy! There are better plans for you ahead.
When I was in college dated a guy for a long time since hs and he broke it off with me to date other people. I thought my life was over. Really and you know it took a while -two years of refusing to date anyone and then I met a wonderful boy who worked hard on my trust issues. We have been married Saturday for 29 years. If I still was with the jerk we would have never met and I thank god for that all the time. Jerk went to my hs and we had mutual friends . I recently heard he is on his third divorce. So we never know where our life will take us and thank god for unanswered prayers.
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Old 10-03-2013, 10:08 AM   #5
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I'm not sure if you need a hug or a swift kick in the a$$ LOL

I guess all I have to say is -- what's the alternative? yah, it's hard and it sucks and it's disheartening and it can be miserable at times, but so what?

Give up and what does that accomplish? Oh right, you'll be heavier, more miserable, a shut in by the sounds of it, and again, MISERABLE.

I guess your choice is, pick your misery. Go thru what you need to, emotionally/spiritually/physically to get your mind right, figure our WHY you've done this 6 times and how any time after this will be any different, make changes as you need to, get on with things. No one in the world can do it FOR you, we can all help and encourage and hug all we want, but in the end we're alone in this and have to make the choice for which kind of rough road ahead we want to walk.

and I send a hug too
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Old 10-03-2013, 11:54 AM   #6
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I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. I know exactly how you feel. I very recently have been going through a sudden break up as well, at first it was hard to stay on top of my weight loss journey because of it. I basically had to decide every day to not let the break up bring me down.

I've lost 70 pounds in 23ish months. Which I realize is something to be proud of.... but I have a hard time feeling proud when theres still at least another 110 pounds I'd like to lose. My solution to that is just having smaller goals. Like belovedspirit said, you'd feel better losing even one pound. Every loss is so motivating. You'll start feeling differently and looking differently too, I've lost about 25 pounds this year and I can see a huge difference (as can other people around me. )

"The number one reason people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have gotten."
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Old 10-03-2013, 11:59 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
I'm not sure if you need a hug or a swift kick in the a$$ LOL

I guess all I have to say is -- what's the alternative? yah, it's hard and it sucks and it's disheartening and it can be miserable at times, but so what?

Give up and what does that accomplish? Oh right, you'll be heavier, more miserable, a shut in by the sounds of it, and again, MISERABLE.

I guess your choice is, pick your misery. Go thru what you need to, emotionally/spiritually/physically to get your mind right, figure our WHY you've done this 6 times and how any time after this will be any different, make changes as you need to, get on with things. No one in the world can do it FOR you, we can all help and encourage and hug all we want, but in the end we're alone in this and have to make the choice for which kind of rough road ahead we want to walk.

and I send a hug too
Ditto to everything Trazey wrote.
You can do this
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Old 10-03-2013, 12:23 PM   #8
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May is a loooooong way to go and honestly you can TOTALLY lose a lot by May. It's your graduation, you MUST go !! and take it as a motivation to stick to plan! Sorry about the breakup but now you have time to focus on one and only one thing - YOU! don't lose heart, you got this!
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Old 10-03-2013, 01:06 PM   #9
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Thanks everyone. I have been strict with myself and haven't let the stress deter me from my diet (To be fair I've never been a stress eater), I am just having a harder time seeing the successes. I woke up today feeling a lot better. I get a five day weekend this week so maybe I just need a break from other stresses, too. (Like midterms).

The breakup thing is something I feel conflicted about. I don't really miss him, and I feel bad that I don't. We agreed we would get back in touch after I take the LSAT and all that (In Feb) and I feel guilty that...I don't know if I want him back despite the fact that he isn't a bad person. But I'm so pissed at him for breaking up over a text after 3.5 years. I don't like being mad at people I care about...makes me feel bad.
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Old 10-04-2013, 01:48 AM   #10
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Hugs

You can do this!
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Old 10-05-2013, 02:54 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunday115 View Post
Thanks everyone. I have been strict with myself and haven't let the stress deter me from my diet (To be fair I've never been a stress eater), I am just having a harder time seeing the successes. I woke up today feeling a lot better. I get a five day weekend this week so maybe I just need a break from other stresses, too. (Like midterms).

The breakup thing is something I feel conflicted about. I don't really miss him, and I feel bad that I don't. We agreed we would get back in touch after I take the LSAT and all that (In Feb) and I feel guilty that...I don't know if I want him back despite the fact that he isn't a bad person. But I'm so pissed at him for breaking up over a text after 3.5 years. I don't like being mad at people I care about...makes me feel bad.
That FOOL broke up with you over a text?!?!?!
UGH!!!!

Its understandable for you to feel like "what's the point?" right now. So give yourself 2 weeks to deal with it all (to cry, yell, sleep, be lazy, etc.) but after that, get back on track. You obviously LOVE yourself because if you didn't, you would have stop trying to get healthier after not succeeding the first time.

So focus on that (LOVING YOU). Don't worry about impressing your family, you ex-bf, or really anyone else. Focus on YOU. When it comes to getting healthy, do what works for YOU there as well. Whatever you do to accomplish other goals in your life, do that to accomplish this one as well.

We may be down, but never out.
We may be sad but the sun will still rise in the morning.
Continue to do this just for you Sunday - You can do this!
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Last edited by Dreamgyrl : 10-05-2013 at 02:57 PM.
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Old 10-05-2013, 03:24 PM   #12
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Curious... what methods or programmes for weight loss have you tried?

I have recently been on a low carb moderate protein diet (I am doing The Ideal Protein diet.... but there are many versions of what is basically an emerging way to lose weight. Low carb/moderate protein has apparently taken Sweden by storm!). The 'ketosis' that happens in your body as a result helps curb hunger. I've never felt so satiated while on what is a diet.

As for the break up. I'm probably a lot older than you are. My perspective learned through ups and downs of romance is that it is alot easier being the dumper than it is the dumpee. Somehow not having a choice -- or worse yet, not having the opportunity to be the first to exercise 'choice' to stay or go in a relationship -- was something I found bruising to my ego. I remember that wound feeling pretty raw in my first long term relationship that was ok but not ok enough to convince me that it was a really good match. We seemed to periodically drift apart. I thought about breaking up and then, surprise, he did it. Yuck. Didn't feel good even though now with 25 years retrospect, I see it was a good thing to happen. I probably would have let it drift for quite awhile longer...which would have meant missing out on some other good experiences that eventually came along.

hang in there.
it gets better!

Annik
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Old 10-05-2013, 05:01 PM   #13
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I don't have a whole lot to add after the wonderful things everyone else has said. I've been on and off the weight loss journey many times in the past and I read here once that in many cases, there comes a point where you've reached rock bottom and you think to yourself, enough is enough. Too many terrible things happened this year for me (including a breakup which was the final straw). I felt like I was losing control of my life and knew there was at least one way to gain control. And this was it. Make myself into a better person, and that included taking better care of myself.

You're graduating in May. In seven months you can be sad and miserable for staying the same or even gaining. Or, in seven months, you could be well into your new journey and look and feel better than you do now.

In seven months, you can be walking down that stage like a boss.
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Old 10-05-2013, 06:23 PM   #14
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Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much better. I was having a rough day. I haven't really tried any specific "diets" because I don't want to eat in a way I can't keep up forever. I have eliminated many many carbs and am eating more protein, and it's working pretty well (as it did before I fell off the wagon last time in April lol)
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Old 10-05-2013, 10:28 PM   #15
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Glad you're feeling better

I went through my "hopeless" phase in late 2011, after losing quite a bit and burning out so badly that I struggled back into a regain. In my case, it was a miscarriage in early 2012 that snapped me out of it, making me realize that I just had to keep trying no matter what. I actually gave myself time to mourn everything; not just the loss of my baby, but the old, comfortable habits that got me into such an unhealthy state, and some events from my past that I'm still learning to let go of. I set a specific date to start my new lifestyle and have stuck with it ever since, even through the weeks where I gained for no real reason, and even through the weeks that I wasn't so perfectly on plan.

I'm not saying you need such a traumatic event to turn things around, but making the realization and posting it here is a great start. Just be sure to take care of yourself and do everything you can to get better.
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