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Jealous of "the cute one"

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Old 10-01-2013, 01:40 PM   #1
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Default Jealous of "the cute one"

Okay. I'm not really legit jealous. More like annoyed.

Quick background:
I graduated from law school in May 2012 and spent a year in a clerkship. I started with a small law firm in July. The firm hired two new associates this spring ("Tina" and me), and we both started at roughly the same time this summer. She graduated in May 2013 and just got her bar results, so we just took firm pictures of all of the attorneys for marketing purposes.

Slightly obnoxious bragging:
This is relevant, I promise. I did well in law school, graduating near the top of my class and earning positions in the most respected law school activities--law review and moot court. I was selected for the Editorial Board of my law review, was captain of my national-award-winning moot court team, and earned other accolades. I was selected for a highly-competitive, prestigious clerkship following law school. Tina went to a smaller, less-respected law school after being denied admission to the school I went to, and though she did some impressive things in law school, she graduated in the middle third and was not selected for either law review or moot court. She did not apply for clerkships, and almost certainly did not have the resume to have been extended an offer.

My vent:
Yesterday, the photographer was taking pictures of the seven attorneys in our office. He made comments to Tina like, "It's okay to be cute," "Not all lawyers are as good-looking as you," "Let's see how you look without that jacket," etc. He also spent an incredible amount of time posing her, moving her hair. He barely said anything to me. Tina and I took a picture side by side, and he noticed that she has parted her hair on the right side. "We better put you on the left side so that everyone can see that face." And he moved her to my other side. Hey, Mr. Photographer, did you notice that my hair is parted in the exact same place as hers? Don't people want to see my face?

Okay - I get that this is creepy and sexist and I have problems with it on many levels. A large part of me is outraged that they treated her this way instead of respecting her abilities. (Though, interestingly enough, she seems to have just enjoyed the attention. That will likely change soon as she works to be taken seriously.) But for now, for this forum, I want to just say that I have seldom felt so invisible. I was the associate they hired first. My resume is the one that will bring clients into the firm who are looking for strong qualifications. I have well-earned connections in the legal field. Damn it! Look at me. Respect me. Feature me in the pictures (although, admittedly, I would be horrified about that).

Wow. Long, long post. But to an audience that hopefully understands.
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Old 10-01-2013, 02:25 PM   #2
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I love photography, but people photography is one of my least favorite genres. I much prefer landscape and still life. Many photographers base their success on capturing what they define as beauty and this is usually the classic definitions of beauty. When I do photograph people, I'm drawn to the interesting faces and not the classic "beautiful" face. A great photographer can capture a portion of any person's character and convey emotion, however, it is still very much a visually based art. A person's true beauty and worth can only be realized through interaction.

After reading of your accomplishments on this post and knowing you a bit from previous posts and interactions, I think you are beautiful.
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Old 10-01-2013, 06:15 PM   #3
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I get it. You don't want to be made to stand out and have everyone staring at you, but being ignored isn't ideal either. Maybe she's jealous of your credentials, and I assure you, it will be touted by the partners when they need to.
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Old 10-01-2013, 06:25 PM   #4
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Ahhh, the old "fat and invisible" treatment. I'm sorry LaurieDawn that you had to experience that. That photographer does sound like a total creeper so screw him. As long as this treatment doesn't extend to the firm that you work for (in terms of case assignments, salary, etc.) mentally block this and continue to ROCK!
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Old 10-01-2013, 06:43 PM   #5
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Maybe she enjoyed the attention or maybe she was smiling at the thought of killing the photographer, slowly.

I wouldn't bet money either way. Just as you had mixed feelings (not wanting that kind of attention, but not wanting to be ignored either), she very likely did as well.

The whole scenario sounds so creepy, I can't believe no one put a stop to it (Well I can, but I don't want to).
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Old 10-01-2013, 11:33 PM   #6
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Hang on....are you saying that attractive people have it easier in the world??? Get more attention?? alert the media!!! hahah

sorry to be flip but COME ON this can't be news to anyyyyyyonnneeeeee fat thin tall short black white purple whatever, if you're what society deems attractive, you've got it easier in this messed up nutty world.

sorry it made you feel bad, but welcome to life
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Old 10-02-2013, 09:03 AM   #7
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So many kind, supportive comments here. Thank you, Rhonda, for your insight on photography and how difficult it is to capture real beauty. I have missed this site, and I have missed you.

Trazey, you are absolutely right. It is not shocking to me that overweight people are treated badly. And, quite frankly, there's a part of me that recognizes marketing the pretty young lawyer is good for business, and doesn't object to it. But knowing it does not mean that it's okay. And it bothers me when this superficiality invades my domain to the extent it did that day. I get that I have to be not just better, but significantly better, to warrant the same respect. But, in this arena, I feel like I am significantly better. So, pardon my outrage if you think it smacks of naivete, but this is not okay. It does not make me feel "less than." It does not surprise me. But I am offended by it. Just as I am offended by the many subtle (and occasional not-so-subtle) displays of sexism as I practice in my chosen field. I don't rail against them publicly (because even people like you, who know exactly how it feels, think it comes across as whiny and excuse-making), but it makes me all that much more determined to be so good at what I do that it helps to dispel the horrible assumptions about both women and fat people.
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Old 10-02-2013, 11:04 AM   #8
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Laurie, as someone who is now retired after spending 20 years at one of the top 4 banks in the country in IT I understand exactly where you're coming from. But I am also a believer in the old adage that what comes around goes around. I noticed that in spite of doing a clerkship upon completing law school -- which translates into not sleeping for the last four years -- you still managed to lose 50 pounds. You do realize that the day will come where you will not be invisible any longer. And since your credentials are significantly better, you're the one who is going to be on the partner track. Hopefully your fellow associate just didn't know how to handle the creepy photographer or didn't want to make waves as I imagine she was thrilled to have landed a job. If not, she's in for a rude awakening -- looks fade, skills don't.
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Old 10-04-2013, 01:52 AM   #9
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Old 10-04-2013, 03:56 AM   #10
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The photographer sounds like a creeper. But, isn't it unlikely that a photographer would know your resume, credentials, achievements or accolades?? From the sounds of how shallow he came off I doubt he would care either. In real life people are shallow and appearances matter. (More than they should.) Think of the office as Highschool 2.0 or maybe Junior High 3.0. This time your pay, promotions, and maybe even the cases you get could be at least partially based on your appearance. College performance doesn't always translate into job performance, either. Your pretty coworker may well be given more opportunities than you. Life isn't fair. Sorry that you were treated poorly and felt slighted. But, I expect it isn't going to be the last time.
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Old 10-05-2013, 11:43 AM   #11
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I'm glad you came here to "whine" with those of us who understand. These type of situations are frustrating. Sometimes, we just need to vent.
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Old 10-27-2013, 10:08 AM   #12
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"Let's see how you look without that jacket," etc.

Wow! How creepy and inappropriate. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I've been there, but this guy was way over the top! Ick...
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