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Struggling and looking for the light in the dark.

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Old 09-02-2013, 12:27 AM   #1
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Default Struggling and looking for the light in the dark.

You guys...I have been gone almost all summer. And, by gone, I mean at least 80% off the bandwagon. I went and did exactly what I told myself I wasn't going to do: let a few vacations put everything "out of sight, out of mind". It was a lot harder to get back on track after I gave myself so much slack. I'd stopped counting calories "temporarily" while on vacation...always my first mistake! I also stopped weighing myself..."temporarily" of course. Another mistake. I have learned that I slip way too easily back into a lazy mindset when it comes to accountability. I got a little too cocky with my ability to turn it on and off at my own will, but it's just not strong enough yet. Working on that.

Right now, I am already starting to feel that familiar discomfort in re-emerging bulges, heaviness, bloat and tightness in several places, especially the belly area, and I think that may have been what finally snapped my mind back into awareness. I feel very large and dumpy and cumbersome in my own skin. I hate this feeling, and I never wanted to feel it again. I'm hoping I have caught myself before spiraling too far down the rabbit hole, but I know from a very unfortunate glimpse at a scale a couple weeks ago that I have done at least 10-12 pounds of damage just in the past two months. I haven't stepped back on a scale since that afternoon, and I have literally been eating at my guilt since, so I'm a little scared to look.

So...I need a little light shown my way to find the path back out of this darkness....words of wisdom, favorite motivating quotes, uplifting advice, stern talking-to's, anything. Just trying to get back into the swing of things and get back onto 3FC and MFP to get back on track. If nothing else, I just wanted to pop out of the shadows and make a declaration, to myself as much as everyone else, that I know I need to come back. With that being said, hello again everyone!

As for updating my current weight, I think I will stick to Wednesdays being my official weigh-in days, so it looks like Judgement Day will be on the 4th for me...two days before my birthday on Friday. I am nowhere near where I wanted to be by my birthday, and even farther away from where I wanted to be for my October "Time Capsule" Challenge, but I keep telling myself that at least I'm coming back now instead of waiting until I put all the weight back on and having to start from scratch all over again like last time! That has to count for something, right? Ha.

Here's to nipping this horrible rut in the bud before it gets much farther out of hand!
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:55 AM   #2
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"....That has to count for something, right?"

Yes it does.

We humans have an astonishing ability to lie to ourselves. Just "temporary" unchecked becomes long term. The more uncomfortable the news, the more we try to hide from it, taking the path of least resistance.

Your feelings of discomfort was your wake up call to get honest with your situation. Dust off, make your plan, buy good food at the first opportunity, purge your fridge and cupboards of crap and get back up on the horse and ride.

You've gone this far, you know what to do. Just commit to start again.

One day at a time. Keep going. You really have no choice. It's go on or go back.

Cathy
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Last edited by vintagecat : 09-02-2013 at 01:00 AM.
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Old 09-02-2013, 08:21 AM   #3
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I know how hard it is to get back on track, and it's way too easy to go off track.

You have come a long way, I'm sure you haven't slipped to the point of being higher than your start weight, and that in itself is an accomplishment. You caught yourself before it got that far. Good Job.

My best advice... put on your big girl panties and fight your way forward. Tell that cookie no
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:52 AM   #4
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You are not alone in this struggle. Hang in there and keep working on those goals. They are attainable!
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:55 AM   #5
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Hugs

You have acknowledged your mistakes, owned up to them, and are ready to conquer them... That counts for everything!

Welcome back and good luck on your journey!!
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:09 AM   #6
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I could have written your post verbatim!!!
And am currently in the exact same situation, the temporary slack (that turned into over a year) . . . followed by the guilt eating . . . followed by the feel so disgusted and uncomfortable in my own skin . . . all of it.

I am with you!! and know you are not alone in this fight! I just got back in the game last week. Take what you see Wednesday, own it, and then show it who's boss.
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:47 PM   #7
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Glad to see you back!

Like others have said, you're not alone in this struggle. Many of us have fallen off the wagon for months (or more!) at a time - the important thing is recognizing that your behavior isn't lining up with you goals and changing it! Let me know if you need an e-mail/chat buddy to check in with while you're getting back on the wagon - if I remember correctly we have similar-ish stats.
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Old 09-02-2013, 03:05 PM   #8
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Thanks guys! I know I could have just started posting suddenly on the boards or lurked through inspirational threads (which I will probably still do anyways, lol)...but, I just felt like I needed to hold myself to coming back by making an official return post. I don't know, I guess it feels like walking into a room at a party without saying hi to people you know...is that weird? Haha. Anyways, I'm glad to be back!

vintagecat: "Go on or go back"...that's a good way to think of it! Definitely don't want to go back, that's for sure.

findingfawn: No, I think I'm probably still about 35-40 lbs lighter than when I started, so I really need to keep that in mind. It's easy to look at it negatively in a "gained 10-15 lbs" kind of way instead of "still 35-40 lbs down" kind of way. I think that will definitely help me keep the right frame of mind as I reapproach this. Thanks!

Slimjem: Thank you!

Mozzy: Thanks!

DaugT: It nice to know I'm not alone, but I'm sorry you've gone through the same thing. It's been unpleasant to say the least, lol. Glad to see we're both back at it, though! Wednesday's results will be tough to see, but I will be hearing "...take what you see Wednesday, own it, and then show it who's boss..." in my head when I step on the scale. So, thank you!

merilung: Hey Ariel! Nice to see ya too! I'm always down for buddies, haha. Thank you.
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Old 09-02-2013, 05:24 PM   #9
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Welcome back, try to be glad you are catching yourself now and not when it is way worse. For getting back into the swing of things I recommend start small and ease back in, it seems less daunting that way.

Even if you aren't as far as you want to be for your birthday or for your challenge, you are SOOOOOO much farther than you would have been had you never started this journey.
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Old 09-02-2013, 07:35 PM   #10
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Welcome back Ophelia! I'm glad you're back on track and back here where we can support you. My only sage words of advice for this journey are in my siggy: Every day's a battle, but whatever, I'm scrappy.

The good news is you know you can do this because you've done it before.
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